Opinion: We Are Not Coming For Your Guns—We Just Want A Sensible Ban On All Automatic, Semi-Automatic, Bolt-Action, Pump-Action, Lever-Action, Break-Action, And Muzzle-Loading Firearms

Via Babylon Bee

Every time the gun debate flares up in America, conservatives act like we’re trying to take all the guns. It’s a ridiculous straw man argument. We don’t want to take your guns away, and we don’t want to ban common firearms. That’s all just Republican fearmongering. Very typical on the right.

Here are the facts. All we want to ban are automatic, semiautomatic, bolt-action, pump-action, lever-action, break-action, and muzzle-loading firearms. It’s not that difficult, people. All we had to do was pull up Google and search for all kinds of guns and add them to our ban list.

That’s it! If your gun is some other kind of gun, you’ll be totally unaffected by our proposals. Unless you think of something that’s not on this list. Then we’ll add it, of course, because someone who tries to get around a gun ban is obviously up to no good.

This is what leadership looks like: immediately rushing to unilaterally take away constitutional rights. And we can do it, America, if we can find the moral courage and fortitude to pass sensible, common-sense gun legislation. It doesn’t have to infringe on gun owners’ rights. It just has to ban literally every type of gun under the sun.

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12 Comments
James
James
March 23, 2019 4:50 pm

I realize this article personally satire but the meat of it is not at all far from the truth of some in the countries wants/wishes ect.

With that said,for cripes sake,do not tell Patricia about the Q-37 Explosive Space Modualtor

yahsure
yahsure
March 23, 2019 5:03 pm

What about my lethal hands? My body is a weapon! I wonder when the guns will be used as they were meant in the second amendment? This kind of stuff is where tyrants go when they want unopposed total control.

jj
jj
  yahsure
March 23, 2019 9:56 pm

More teenagers are killed texting while driving that have been killed in mass shootings. We need to ban teenagers from owning cell phones.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  jj
March 24, 2019 8:55 am

How about a ban on teen aged drivers?

Ed Darcy
Ed Darcy
  Anonymous
March 24, 2019 6:17 pm

If we do that, how are the 16 year olds going to get to the polls to vote?

Wolverine
Wolverine
March 23, 2019 6:01 pm

Will they also be outlawing gasoline and borax?

e.d. ott
e.d. ott
  Wolverine
March 24, 2019 8:34 am

… or kerosene, soap, and styrofoam?
Metal lathes and grinders? Leaf springs on cars? Hammers?

bob
bob
March 23, 2019 6:35 pm

Funny part is if you look up “liberal cunt” in the dictionary the same girl’s picture shows up. There are others, of course, but hers is there with the others. Kinda funny in an ironic sort of way.

Brian
Brian
March 23, 2019 6:50 pm

Nothing is going to be banned. Just centralized control of all guns in only the government’s hands. See? Doesn’t that sound better? It’s for your safety and the children.

James
James
March 23, 2019 7:00 pm

As I have said many times:

“How many people will have to die before I support gun control?”…..

All of them.

AC
AC
March 23, 2019 7:40 pm
anarchyst
anarchyst
March 23, 2019 7:59 pm

As women are at the forefront of the “gun ban movement”, just maybe it was a mistake extending to them the “franchise” (right to vote).