Trump Announces America’s Grand Reopening Sale

Via The Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump has announced that America will be reopening soon, and the occasion will be celebrated with an “insane” “once-in-a-lifetime” Grand Reopening Sale.

The grand reopening extravaganza will include 50% off all landmarks and monuments, in a bid to make back some of the trillions lost during the recession.

“We’ve got monuments, we’ve got landmarks, we’ve got national parks — and it’s all going 50% off!” an animated Trump shouted during a commercial for the big event. “We’re slashing prices all around the nation. Need to pick up a special something for that special someone? Why not come on down to the National Mall and get yourself a Lincoln Memorial for millions off the sticker price?”

“But wait! There’s more! The first 100 shoppers will receive The Art of the Deal absolutely free! And every copy will be signed by yours truly! Whaaat? Why would I do something like this? Because I’m craaaaaazy!!!!”

-----------------------------------------------------
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal

-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
Click to visit the TBP Store for Great TBP Merchandise
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
3 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
April 18, 2020 7:04 pm

Selling off assets would be great. Camp Pendleton and all of its Pacific oceanfront could bring in hundreds of billions easy.

SMRT
SMRT
April 18, 2020 10:01 pm

All while women will be bartering their bodies to eat and pay rent. But that’s how the rent is paid here already.

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
April 19, 2020 11:10 am

The oligarchs have certainly pocketed enough money to buy it all with taxpayer provided funds.