SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom has instructed detention facilities across California to begin releasing violent felons to make room for skateboarders, surfers, and other people who have committed the heinous crime of going outside.
Thousands of cells have now been freed up for “the dregs of society,” as Newsom referred to people who go to the beach or skate at a skate park. As the felons left the prisons, they laughed at the skaters and surfers entering their previous cells. The skater bros just said, “Dude, not cool” and the surfers said, “Totes not stoked bra, major kook move dude.”
“We need to free up those prison cells for the really dangerous people, like beachgoers,” said Governor Gavin Newsom at a press conference. “We can’t have those dangerous people who sit on the beach for a few hours or do doozy flipkicks and 630 spinaroos out on our streets.”
The felons went out and immediately committed crimes, but many were undocumented immigrants and so were given a stimulus check instead of getting arrested.
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I’ll be damned. Skateboarding really IS a crime.
What do they call this in California – SkateCrime?
https://news.yahoo.com/california-city-filled-skate-park-212013039.html
https://www.foxnews.com/us/california-citys-coronavirus-restrictions-include-37-tons-of-sand-atop-skateboarding-park
cleaning up all that sand out of those curvy surfaces is gonna be a fkin bitch.
There has been SkateCrime in California since at least 1976.
When I was a kid growing up in Orange County CA, there was this place called “The Vee” off Euclid Avenue in Fullerton. It was basically a kind-of U shaped concrete drainage ditch where the skaters had cleaned out the plant growth and dirt and used it to skate in. Within a few weeks up goes the “No Skate Boarding” signs and here comes the Fullerton Police (the same ones that beat a helpless Kelly Thomas to death in 2011 just for fun) to write tickets for SkateCrime – $50 a pop and this is 1976.
Next come the “No Trespassing” signs on top of the “No Skate Boarding” signs and on top of the SkateCrime tickets, the criminal skate boarders start getting arrested for “Trespassing” not 20 feet from the edge of Euclid Avenue and they also get their cars towed and impounded – for riding a skate board. When the skaters quit the place as too risky, there were no more fines to collect by the city of Fullerton so the city goes and dumps cement at the bottom of The Vee – which of course they could have done on day one and skipped all the tickets and arrests.
Never once saw anyone smoking dope there, doing anything wrong there – but saw many arrested, hand cuffed, and taken to jail over skate boards. That’s California, always been that way, just gets worse every year.
Just released in time for all the fun.
They look like what I imagined TBPers look like; smart, freedom-loving patriots.
Actually there is NOTHING about this story that is untrue. Finally the Bee has caught up with reality….though they have been so very close so often.
Creating suspense horror news with a twist of a macabre moral is a new normalcy for the elite left.
CBS would’ve shelved Serling’s drafted scripts for the Twilight Zone categorizing it in the human nature genre had Rod met with TV executives today to discuss the series.
“We need to free up those prison cells for the really dangerous people, like beachgoers,” said Governor Gavin Newsom at a press conference. “We can’t have those dangerous people who sit on the beach for a few hours or do doozy flipkicks and 630 spinaroos out on our streets.”
I call B.S.‼️ Date/time of this “press conference” please. #FACTS matter!