No Face Diaper at Gym!

Guest Post by Eric Peters

We could all use some good news, so here’s a morsel of it: My gym – which The Coonman most graciously allowed to open its doors on Monday as per “Phase II” (government make-workers love to make their work sound important) is not enforcing Sickness Kabuki.

No Face Diapers required of members, though members are free to face-diaper, if they wish (as they should be able to do in a free country; the problem has been the forcing of face-diapering, which should not happen in a free country or even a sort-of-free one). No perp-walk taped lines and cattle chute conditioning, either. No making an appointment or waiting outside to be let in.

Just go in and do your thing.

Thanks, Patsy! (The owner of my gym, Crunch Fitness in Roanoke.)

The one thing they are doing – which is really smart – is using an infra-red thermometer to check each person’s temperature as they check in. This is not Sickness Kabuki. It’s a way to avoid it.

One of the reasons businesses are insisting on Sickness Kabuki – even when the government isn’t insisting – is out of fear of being sued by a Sickness Psychotic. A Michael Jackson protege who claims he got sick because he was exposed – and now wants the business to pay.

This is a problem that will linger long after WuFlu hysteria has abated – because other flus will always be at least plausibly present. Got sick? Better call Saul!

The temperature check vaccinates the business against such shysters – and also lets the rest of us do business without having to pretend we’re sick and that everyone else might be, too.

If someone does get sick – and someone will, until such time as we all transcend human and become cyborgs – at which point we’ll be susceptible to bugs of a different variety – the business will be harder to blame.

Or at least, to sue.

There’s another, even better idea that ought to be implemented. Or rather, remembered:

Enter at your own risk.

Throughout this whole fiasco has anyone been forced to expose themselves to the possibility of getting sick? Made to enter a gym or bar or restaurant? Compelled to leave their home? Forbidden to wear a face diaper – or stand as far away from other human beings as they wish?

If you feel it’s too risky – don’t enter.

Neat, sweet – petite.

Also, right.

If you go into a place without someone forcing you through the door, then you’ve assumed responsibility – within reason – for what happens in there. It is reasonable to expect a restaurant to be sanitary; to not serve human flesh or cat flesh (well, unless those things are actually on the menu). It is unreasonable to expect a restaurant or gym or grocery store to maintain clean-room sterility and guarantee that you won’t catch a cold, including one that might get worse and even kill you.

There is no such thing as a risk-free environment and to insist on its existence before anyone else is allowed to walk through the doors is its own affliction, a far more terrible one than WuFlu, even.

It is a sickness of the soul and heart as well as the mind – one that tyrannizes others who are more than willing to let you walk through those doors – or not – as you like.

How about returning the favor?

Meanwhile, my gym has done what it must to allay the anxieties of the Sickness Psychotics, keep The Coonman at bay – and Saul not being called.

This is the price of sanity in a world gone crazy.

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