University Of Oxford Reports Vaccine Trial #666 Was Successful

Via The Babylon Bee

OXFORD—A research team at the University of Oxford announced today that after 665 failed trials of a vaccine for the coronavirus, trial number 666 was successful. Trial #666, codenamed “The Beast,” provoked the desired immune system response researchers have been searching for.

“This vaccine will stop humanity–er, I mean, coronavirus in its tracks,” the head researcher on the vaccine project, Dr. Lucy Ferre, said at a press conference this morning. “We can get through these several years of tribulation together as long as we all take the mar–I mean, the vaccine.”

The novel vaccine can be injected into either your hand or your forehead, Ferre says. She also recommended that grocery stores and other businesses require the vaccine before people can buy and sell goods. She also made strange comments about “devouring humanity” and “serving the dark lord,” but she was probably just tired.

Mostly, though, Ferre was just deeply grateful for the “divine intervention” that helped researchers to finally crack the code of the effective vaccine.

“Someone downstairs is definitely watching over us. MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Err, I mean, um, I am both honored and humbled to serve mankind in this way,” she concluded.

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11 Comments
Tom MacGyver
Tom MacGyver
July 20, 2020 6:50 pm

It works, but costs you your soul…

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Tom MacGyver
July 20, 2020 7:40 pm

Then Bill and Melinda are the perfect candidates for the first round of preliminary testing so that maybe the vaccine will hit the streets in 12 years.

ZombieDawg
ZombieDawg
July 20, 2020 7:52 pm

There is a side effect though. It turns females into Antifa ‘things’.
comment image

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  ZombieDawg
July 20, 2020 7:56 pm

That was uncalled for.

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest
  MrLiberty
July 20, 2020 10:55 pm

But instructive.

Still, that photo is plain disgusting much like the Pennsylvania Department of Sickness commissar.

Fr. John
Fr. John
  MrLiberty
July 21, 2020 7:51 am

THEY are uncalled for. Michelle Malkin’s most recent public appearance resulted in assaults on her person by (as one commenter correctly called them) “BLM Bitches.”

These are whores, sluts, vulgar, USELESS, degenerate, IRREDEEMABLE pieces of trash, who no longer deserve to be called White Human beings. They have used their ‘free will’ to damn themselves, and their progeny, forever. Romans 1, in other words. ‘They deserve to die’- St. Paul.

We merely need to hasten the process, to “remove the evil from our land,” as the Bible says.

Jason Calley
Jason Calley
  ZombieDawg
July 20, 2020 10:54 pm

That is the August “Summer of Love” page from the “Girls of CHAZ Calendar”. Available now from Amazon. Free shipping with Prime membership.

By the way, that star in the photo is not a star. It’s a cancer.

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest
  Jason Calley
July 20, 2020 11:01 pm

Beavis and Butthead approve of this message, Rev.

the experienced
the experienced
July 20, 2020 8:02 pm

If you cannot go buy stuff in a store without wearing a mask, then the mask is a precursor to the mark of the beast.

Auntie Kriest
Auntie Kriest
July 20, 2020 10:58 pm

You know it is the End Times when biting satire is the Truth.

Fr. John
Fr. John
July 21, 2020 7:48 am

Has this site become the Babylon Bee, all of a sudden?