Guest Post by Unreconstructed
Some of you TBP’s may remember my remember my article last year, Forest Gump and His Harley/5 Days in May. I began writing this sequel (actually a prequel) earlier this year but never finished as I didn’t think it worthy to post. BUT!! Some of you readers may be in the same situation as I find myself so I thought I’d give it a try.
My situation is MAXED OUT, saturated. No; SUPER SATURATED!!! I’ve had Covid, BLM, New Normal, Fauci, Gates, WHO, CDC, Riots, Antifa, Big Pharma, mask, and all the rest till I can’t take it anymore. Stop this train and let my brother Jack off!
So if you are like me maybe this Forest adventure may give you some respite.
One of the items on my bucket list was to “ride The Trace” on my motorcycle. The Natchez Trace is 450 miles of highway from Nashville, Tennessee to Natchez, Mississippi. It follows the old frontier trail used by early Americans. Four Hundred fifty Miles of virtually unspoiled beauty. No towns, no red lights, no stop signs, no bill boards and a 50 MPH speed limit.
So old Forest bought a one-man tent, strapped it and a sleeping bag on his Harley and set out. It’s a half day ride to get from my home to the trail’s Southern terminus in Natchez so I didn’t get far up the trail on my first day. I got off the trail, found a campsite before dark, pitched my tent, ate supper and settled in for my first night.
As a side note tent manufacturers should be sued for advertising ONE-MAN tent without also adding their definition of MAN. Their “MAN” should stipulate that said MAN should be 15 years old or younger, be at max 5’6” and 125 lbs. Also being a yoga expert or contortionist would be advisable. Me being a 6’3” 265 pound 65 year old gray headed and arthritic did not fit the bill.
I had pitched the tent at home but failed to “try it on for size” before leaving.
After entering my “whole body condom” I found there was not enough wiggle room to remove my clothes. Oh well, I’m roughing it anyway so stayed clothed and settled in for the night. Early November and the weather was still warm. Not a breeze to be had. Needless to say I sweated buckshot all night. I made a mental note that tomorrow night I would somehow remove clothing before entering the body condom and hopefully not expose my 65 y/o fat-bastard physique to fellow campers.
Back on the road the next morning after a miserable night. Beautiful day, beautiful ride. I made it to Meriwether Lewis National Park campground and got set up again before dark. I was a couple of hundred miles farther North and the weather was somewhat cooler but was able to shuck my clothes before entering tent without causing a stampede.
Willie Nelson’s heroes may be cowboys but mine have always been mountain men, explorers and such.
Laying there in my cocoon I drifted off to sleep thinking about the Lewis and Clark Corp of Discovery.
Venturing off into the unknown. No roads, no maps, no cell phones, no Walmarts,. I drifted off to sleep thinking how tough those men must have been. I decided I would add a motorcycle trip to my bucket list, following the Lewis and Clark Trail from St. Louis to the Pacific Ocean.
Early in the morning hours I sensed I couldn’t feel my feet. A cold front had passed during the night and the temperatures were now in the low 40’s. The bottom half of my sleeping bag was soaked. The moisture from my warm breath had condensed inside my tent and where my the bag bottom touched the tent, it served as a wick. It had literally rained inside the tent and my lower legs were wet.
I endured as best I could till it was breaking daylight. Crawled out the tent half-naked; put on my cold clothes, packed up and left camp stopping long enough at the grave of Meriwether Lewis to pay my respects and take a picture.
Rode on in to Nashville shivering so violently I could hardly drive the bike. Went in to a Mickey “D’s” for a quick breakfast and phone recharge. Spent ½ hour in bathroom with the hand blow dryer unthawing hands. Headed back down the trail for warmer climes. “Camped out” the next night in a motel room in Mississippi; miserable but memorable trip.
Last fall the wife and I made a road trip. One of planned stops was St. Louis, Mo. I had been there years before and visited the museum under the arch and wanted to go again to bone up on the Lewis and Clark Corps of Discovery in preparation for my possible bucket list trip. We spent the night in Cape Girardeau and planned spending most of the next day at the museum in St. Louis.
The next morning I went down to the breakfast room to get coffee and there sitting at a table was a scrawny humanoid form, probably early teens. I’m not up on all this gender thing now days but it appeared that it probably had a Y-chromosome although I am also sure it had no use for it. It was eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. (Having worked all of my life on the offshore drilling rigs I don’t remember many hands eating Fruit Loops, Count Chochula or such.. If they did they didn’t last very long in that environment.) My mind instantly went to what I had read about the men on the Corps of Discovery and their calorie requirements. I’ve heard between 15,000 and 20,000 and in one place 30,000 calories/day. Very hard labor polling a large keelboat UP the Missouri. Well I thought, so much for American manhood.
Still in great anticipation of the museum I picked up a Missouri tourist catalog. Scanning thru to St. Louis what pops out but. “St. Louis—Welcomes LGBTQXYZ. We revel in our diversity.”
Ho lee Shite!!! What is this world coming to?
Now the Corps of Discovery was somewhat diversified having a Native American woman (Sakagwega) and her husband a French man (Carboneau), and even a black man (York) among others, but I doubt any trannies. The Native Americans were fascinated with York, having never seen a Negro before they kept rubbing his skin to see if the color would rub off.
We did not stop in St. Louis but went around. Will do the same if I get to take my bucket list trip.
Now I’ve said all that to say this: Two-hundred and sixteen years later. Would the current president be able to find a 30 year-old man to lead and a crew willing and able to take off into the wilderness an expedition for a two year trek to explore the unknown, frought with dangers and who knows what peril. I mean 3700+ miles making their maps as they went. I’m afraid the modern male doesn’t have the stamina or courage to get out of Wi-Fi range.
Sorry folks but I think we as a nation are screwed.
As an afterthought, do you think Meriwether Lewis, William Clark and the men on the Corps of Discovery would today wear plain N95 masks or would they pick a designer floral pattern?
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I don’t think it is possible to eat 30000 calories in a day and be functional
Michael Phelps’ diet in the 2008 Beijing Olympics has become legendary. During his run of 8 gold medals in 8 races he consumed a mind blowing 12,000 calories per day! That’s 4,000 calories per meal and 5 times the recommended daily calorie intake for a man.
Great article.
We as a species are so dependent on technology that we no longer could survive much beyond however long it takes to die of thirst, so 3, maybe 4 days.
Once the “clean” water shuts off, where will the masses go for their all-too-necessary hydration? Starbucks? Gimme a break.
They’d be drinking dirty water out of rivers or ponds and be dropping like flies from shitting their entire intestinal track out their starfish.
Because the gang bangers with guns would take all the bottled water first, as the sheeple have willingly given up their right to defend themselves. So ladies, gear up for a lot of trading unwilling sex for water. Men too if you’re in San Fran or LA.
People do not read anything of importance. It’s all fluff, tweets, hashtags, gibber jabber of the lowest denomination.
So they don’t know how to find food in the wild, make sure they have clean water. They don’t know how to navigate without a GPS.
If one of these fluffy bunnies actually came across a live bunny, I seriously doubt they would know what to do with the damn thing even if they could catch it. Skin it? Please.
Perhaps they could catch some frogs…but again, that assumes they even know frogs are actually pretty good to eat.
This also assumes that in their stumblings about, that no one gets cut or falls and breaks a leg. A cut, even a shallow one, depending on what cut you, can get infected very easily. And a broken leg, well we all know your friends would cry and all…but prepare to be left behind.
They do not understand you can die of hypothermia even in the summer depending on where you are.
There are so many pitfalls and mere accidents that will take you out the mind boggles, and these morons are worried about Covid.
They will long for the days of social distancing when an armed gang decides they like their food, water, and women.
The mobs have been emboldened to take and do as they wish, so it is no stretch of the imagination that when the chips finally are all the way down, the police are really gone, then these people will just take your house, your food, your water and your wife.
You, being the very soft, pale, soy-infused, pliant, liberal “man” that you are, will be very very lucky if they just force you out or kill you on the spot. Otherwise be prepared for some very bad days and nights while angry armed thugs do what they want with your family while you are tied to a chair in the next room.
Unfortunately your penchant for Anime, fortnight, and craft beers will not be helpful in the least.
Now that’s hitting the nail on the head brother.
Puppers identifies as a female
I definitely don’t classify as a tough outdoorsey guy, who can survive for more than a few months on the current stockpile … but I got:
1) Pool (and shit-ton of water purifier tablets) for water
2) Trap
3) Guns
If 1) and 2) don’t keep the nihilistic wolves at bay … # 3 is the ‘insurance policy’ to go down ‘guns blazing’ so the aforementioned atrocities don’t rain down. FAR from the best strategy, but better than most??
REPup,
I hear ya but there are still a few good men.
I got a cool little story that just popped up 3 days ago. I left a comment on a YT channel “fieldcraft survival”. It’s a site put together by some ex-special forces guys. They also have also created “American Contingency” that offers plans and prep for what befalls us. I recommend giving them a look. Anyway, I related a story with some SF guys I trained in Africa while we were on a med mission in 1989. One guy responded and remembers me and I remember him surrounding an incident . Small world! We had a small chit chat-cool…
But to the point, there are still a few very impressive men, just not hardly enough. BTW, I mean them, not me.
intestinal tract
Actually I do think the president could find a suitable group to undertake a similar mission today and that such people and their ilk will be a strong part of the Remnant that will be necessary to remake the country in the image in which it was originally created.
BTW, nice ride report. I love going on motorcycle trips and will continue doing so after I get my Buell Ulysses back up and running.
I think today’s youth would have a lot of trouble, surviving a “tent/campout” in the back yard, with access to the kitchen/crapper/wi-fi/gadgets available.
The first bug or even threat of rain, would send them scurrying back to the sofa, where they will get on instagram sharing pictures of the smores they made on Dad’s natural gas fireplace in the back yard.
Ah, Forest, I love ya, man. Bikers and The Journey of Discovery go together like cold showers and rough nights and sometimes like pancakes and maple syrup. One discovers a freedom not found elsewhere of a morning bright and cool traveling the road down the mountain amongst the trees along the rivers while taking the bends with the greatest of ease. Just crazy good out there at times and miserable as fuck other times, but in all those times you know you could have communed with the Nez Perce on the Clearwater with their life-saving salmon and then eaten dog all the way to the mouth of the Columbia. Yes, there are men today who could have done it. You are one of them, sir, laughing at what needs laughing at and enduring and enduring until the end and back.
Sturgis for the grey panther crowd……
Love it! Sounds like one of my trips. Ride on brother, ride on.
BTW, Clark’s uncle was Gen. George Rogers Clark, who tormented the British on the Western Frontier. One one mission, his troops slogged through mid-30º water and ice during winter for a week to recapture a fort, can’t remember which one.
Great story and the Natchez Trace is a great ride. Rode down from Nashville a couple times to Alabama line and explored. Many of the scenic stops along the way are spectacular. One had a great view of a valley off to the east, ’bout halfway to AL. Another had a nice set of waterfalls. And the bridge across the valley at the Nashville end is pretty dramatic as well. Seems whenever I rode could always form up with a group of bikes for the day.
Ride, Forest, Ride! Enjoyed that. Thanks for the post. It would be interesting to hear (in future articles) any travel improvements (gear, strategies, etc) you made as a result of the lessons learned from this road trip.
Forest,
Thanks for the tip. Natchez Trace, never heard of it but sounds like an awesome adventure (me and wifey still ride, she has her own bike). Being in the SE it wouldn’t take too much for us to get on that trail. We biked the Blue Ridge did the Dragon’s tail a couple of years ago. BTW, don’t ever do that on a weekend.
Are you thinking about a bigger tent?lol.
That body condom went to the grand daughters. Got a two-man now. Still pretty cozy.
Read Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose, best Lewis and Clark account there is. It is riveting. With diaper wearing sheep and millenial gamers/rioters, it is a wonder we have made it this far.
Great story about a n often overlooked blue route. I love that piece of road through the Deep South into a past that reminds you of a nation that once upon a time knew exactly who and what it was.
You took a trip through time, from Manifest Destiny to the end of the Empire.
Thanks for sharing that.