CNN Pre-Debate Poll Shows Biden Clearly Won Debate

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—In a highly accurate and scientific CNN poll taken pre-debate, presidential candidate Joe Biden has had a clear win over incumbent President Donald Trump, with 98% saying Biden won the debate tonight and only 2% saying Trump won.

“Biden just dominated Trump with his very non-senile performance,” said pundit Jacob Ingram. “Or at least that’s what everyone knows is going to happen.”

The poll sampled smart people who are also attractive and cool, and it’s very clear that those people all think Biden is great and have already awarded him the win in tonight’s debate against the dumb and abrasive Trump.

“With such a clear and decisive win, there’s really no reason to even have the debate,” said Biden campaign staffer Lucas Mathis. “That would only distract from how great Biden is doing. And ruin his naps.”

The Trump campaign has denounced the poll as “fake news,” even though the poll was made using numbers and a computer which are common instruments of science.

It is unclear if the actual debate tonight could affect the poll results, but most experts expect that it will not.

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13 Comments
Glock-N-Load
Glock-N-Load
September 29, 2020 5:36 pm

Sounds about right.

glock 1911 M1A .308
glock 1911 M1A .308
September 29, 2020 5:48 pm

Harkens back to all the FB posts from Sandy Hook and a dozen or so other false flags where the posts of condolences occurred prior to the tragedies themselves. Ayy, ohh, way to go CNN!

hardscrabble farmer
hardscrabble farmer
September 29, 2020 7:06 pm

I know who the Log Cabin Republicans are behind.

See what I did there?

Todd H.
Todd H.
  hardscrabble farmer
September 29, 2020 8:35 pm

Graham is definitely a power bottom.

Glock-N-Load
Glock-N-Load
  hardscrabble farmer
September 29, 2020 8:42 pm

This sounds like a gay man hoping for acknowledgement from his fantasy lover. Seriously, that just sounded gay.

.22, wouldn’t you agree?

22winmag - I was told about 2020 in 1981
22winmag - I was told about 2020 in 1981
  Glock-N-Load
September 30, 2020 9:24 am

My gaydar is blinking and beeping.

TampaRed
TampaRed
  hardscrabble farmer
September 29, 2020 10:07 pm

graham mentioned biden coming to his ceremony so i wondered if graham had gotten himself a husband but i couldn’t find anything–do any of you know if graham has “come out”?

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
September 29, 2020 7:17 pm

The expectations are so low for Biden that it will be a win for him if he doesn’t drool all over the stage.

Todd H.
Todd H.
September 29, 2020 8:34 pm

What do you want to bet that Joe has to call timeout for a diaper change?

TampaRed
TampaRed
  Todd H.
September 29, 2020 10:31 pm

biden refused a drug test,reneged on an agreement to have 3rd parties check 4 an earpiece,and asked 4(refused by trump)a break at 30 minute intervals–

niebo
niebo
September 29, 2020 10:49 pm

I don’t have a crystal ball, but my prognostication is that Trump receives 65 percent of the vote on election night while Biden, via mail-in ballots, receives the remaining 86 percent and wins by a landslide.