WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Biden Administration has committed to defeating Alzheimer’s Disease through cutting-edge research. Unfortunately, the White House staff was thrown into turmoil today after Biden completely forgot who he placed in charge of it.
“Listen, folks,” Biden reportedly said during a morning meeting. “The fight against Alzheimer’s is important. There’s no reason we can’t defeat this disease by 2003. I know President Nixon is gonna fight me on this, but I’ll stop at nothing to defeat polio before France invades!”
According to sources, Biden then scanned the crowd, trying to remember who he had placed in charge of the effort.
“Jen? Hi there, sweetheart. How’s the research comin’? Oops! Haha, I’m just kidding,” said Biden, desperately searching the faces of the staff. “Bruce? Tammy? Nina? Oops! Haha, that was a joke, folks. Welp, my stories are on the TV. Let’s take a break.”
The staff desperately looked around for any kind of document that would indicate who Biden had placed in charge of Alzheimer’s research. Sadly, their search came up empty since Biden had forgotten to appoint anyone to begin with.
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“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.” ― H.L. Mencken, On Politics: A Carnival of Buncombe