“Man being stretchered”: a Fact Check

Via Off-Guardian

Contrary to claims on social media, a man was not stretchered out of a vaccine centre after suffering Covid vaccine-related convulsions as onlookers queued to receive a jab.

Named for the event in question, ‘Man being stretchered’ (MBS) was in fact rehearsing his role in a dance routine choreographed with a team of talented paramedics.

MBS performed his highly contemporary, violently twitching solo while being carried from a popular vaccination centre on a stretcher.

The accented voices of transfixed on-lookers, who are heard cooing in amazement while a magnetic MBS is rolled past, suggest an Eastern locale.

As the jubilant (and succesfully vaccinated) MBS is wheeled in the direction of waiting transport, other would-be bejabbed retake their positions in the queue, clearly pleased with the performance. Meanwhile, staff, barely able to keep the smiles from tired faces, rush to resume their positions in order to attend to the bubbly crowd.

However, the curtain on MBS’s innovative career wasn’t quite ready to fall. One impressed smartphone-user uploaded the rehearsal to tictoc. It was subsequently watched by millions of wide-eyed and appreciative children across the world.

Boosted by his new found fame, the eyes of MBS began lolling involuntarily towards Broadway. Finally he would have the chance to follow in the steps of his high-kicking hero Michael Flatley (tangental link, here). If he could find a producer, MBS stood to be the first dancer to appear on that illustrious stage while in a prone position.

As luck would have it, a showbiz empresario had also been waiting in the queue. ‘A match made in heaven,’ the extravaganza’s producer portentously told media with convulsive glee. ‘If you were impressed by the numbers at the centre, you shouldda seen the socially-distanced ticket queues!’

Sadly, MBS passed away from an unrelated stroke and also Covid but, in accordance with his last wishes, communicated by means of an ingenious code of sudden spasms (the first time medical consent has been obtained from an apparently unconscious patient—a significant breakthrough according to legal specialists), his leg will be reanimated by means of electric current.

Following the death of his original producer, also by Covid as well as a vaccine-unrelated stroke, the costs of putting on the ground-breaking show will be met by the creative arm of the Bill and/or Melinda Gates Foundation.

The ‘generous’ donation will allow MBS to make a near-death-defying debut, telling the story of a vaccine volunteer laid low by Covid, and a vaccine-unrelated stroke, but still dancing.

Verdict

A happy tale. From all the folks at ClickMate: break a leg, MBS!

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