CHICAGO, IL—“Gun-Free Zones” have been proposed as a possible solution to gun violence for years. This week, however, critics were quick to point out that the “Gun-Free Zone” signs in Chicago are useless and illegible due to being riddled with bullet holes.
“How am I supposed to read that? It looks like swiss cheese!” said one local high-schooler as he dodged incoming bullets from a drive-by shooting. “Not sure how I can be expected to follow a sign riddled with bullet holes. Besides, Mayor Lightfoot doesn’t enforce the laws around here anyway!”
Not one to stand quietly in the face of mounting criticism, Mayor Lightfoot addressed reporters in a press conference, explaining how “Gun-Free Zones” save lives. “These signs strike terror in the hearts of criminals,” she said. “And then our police depart within 35 minutes of dispatch, arrive at the crime scene within a record 45-75 minutes, depending on additional mayhem along the way!” Despite not being asked, Mayor Lightfoot also declared that Chicago’s tourism industry is at an all-time high due to the city’s reputation for safety.
John Pringle, a hobbyist who monitors police scanner frequencies, added context to Mayor Lightfoot’s statement, saying that despite being overrun, Chicago police are legendary for quick response times, at least considering their level of overwhelm. “I’ll hear the scanner operator put out an APB on an in-progress armed robbery, and sometimes a unit will report that they’ve been dispatched within hours…sometimes even somewhat less than an hour!”
At publishing time, Lightfoot allocated 80 million dollars to replace schools’ “Gun-Free Zone” signs and cover them with bulletproof shields.
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More misinterpretaions of the supposedly ‘Universal’ signage.
The ‘grouping’ (admittedly a stretch) CLEARLY indicates that the pistol was held sideways…Natural dispersion rapid-fire in the standard vertical orientation without some practice.
And all this time, I just thought it was from watching too much television.
Another disservice to our bothers of a different color Mother. Poor signage. Who Knew?
There’s not one bullet hole in the sign pictured. Those are all decals.
😂 You run the risk of someone taking your comment seriously.
So does The Bee.
Thx, A.A. I’ve always been a bit of a rebel, in a traditionally dull sense.
Life is full of risks. Gonna be 60 in Sept.
NEVER much thought to the consequences of my actions to date. Empirical proof that GOD does watch out for Fools and children! Trying not to push my luck for several yrs now. Really appreciate the thought and candor of Your posts overall, as well as many, many others.
Would write more, but think i just saw a few prime Harbor Seal pups drifting by…
Have A Nice Day! 😊
Not to Harp on it, pretty many yrs. since The Red tie-dyed T
Previous commitments, check the site after 9pm.
Older i get, the shorter the Commitment period, What’s not to love?
Yes, and the decals should be on the other side of the sign so it would look like shots at the words!
The one at the 4 o’clock position even has a piece of chain link running behind it.
This mayor needs to join a comedy tour. Gun free zones strike terror in the perps.
“And then our police depart within 35 minutes of dispatch, arrive at the crime scene within a record 45-75 minutes, depending on additional mayhem along the way!” Despite not being asked, Mayor Lightfoot also declared that Chicago’s tourism industry is at an all-time high due to the city’s reputation for safety.”
I know this is meant to be parody, but you can’t always tell anymore ….