Civil War 2.0 Weather Report: Special Rural Edition

Guest Post from John Wilder

“He’s that distinguished-looking gentleman with the casual wardrobe and darling rural accent.” – The Beverly Hillbillies

Modern Mayberry just got a factory that makes television accessories.  I guess that makes us a remote village.

This isn’t a main Civil War 2.0 Weather Report – that will be next Monday, on schedule.  Consider this one a “special edition” since I’m sure we already have plenty of fodder for the regular weather report.

So, back to the opening snippet that u/humble_na_miner described as “Lol how to get shot, a thread.”

I’ll reproduce u/ripitthrowaway’s amazing strategy that he came up with in case it’s too hard to read in the post above.  I normally try to inject humor, but since his (I’m guessing) words are funny enough, I’ll just quote him verbatim:

The radical Christians are found in the rural areas.  Their towns are defenseless, they have almost no cops and their firemen are volunteers.  They have to borrow cops and firemen from neighboring jurisdictions miles away in order to handle anything big.  And they think they’re safe out there.  Forget burning cities, cities are on our sides.  It’s time for the rural areas to feel the heat.

You show up 100 deep in every rural town in a 50 mile radius intent on revolution, you’ll crash their system and make them pay.

And if you think I’m kidding, I’m dead serious.  This was caused by backward ass rural conservatives operating out of a Christianized worldview (even if they’re not Christian, they’re heavily influenced by it), they were the ones who voted for Trump in ’16; those disillusioned redneck/white trash/blue collar (to quote a country song) types who flipped massively for the GOP.  Punish them.  Punish their towns.  They say “BLM burned the cities to the ground,” I say, “let them see firsthand what I’s like when a community is truly burned to the ground.  They want a civil war?  They should have been careful what they asked and voted for.”

I’m not the organizing type.  But maybe someone who is can organize that.  Start in a certain state in the Midwest often called “the south’s middle finger to America.”  It’s literally what the south would’ve looked like if it wasn’t reconstructed.

First, wow.  I know it’s just one idiot, but I’m sure that there are others who share the sentiment.  What is the message, exactly?  “Let’s form a band of roving marauders to burn down their barns and property and shoot anyone we feel like.  That will show those rural folk what savages they are.”

Not my meme, but, well, accurate.

Second, this is a threat to destroy the lives, property, and community of people whose only crime is not being an idiot Leftist.  To be clear, Modern Mayberry has values that are closer to 1982 than 2022, mostly.  People still go to church.  Kids behave themselves at parks.  We’re not shooting each other because (spins wheel) it’s Saturday.  In fact, people aren’t shooting each other at all except for the once a twenty-year domestic dispute gone really bad.

Why aren’t we shooting each other?  Because thieves know that if they try to do much more than nick a bike or a lawnmower things will go very, very bad.  Why?  That’s the next point.

Third, I’ll let Skeletor® answer:

Not my meme, but, I think they have no idea how rural people would react to being burned and shot at.

• They have zero idea what rural America is like. Not every house is armed, but I’ll bet that most houses have a lot of guns – I am certain that there are more guns than people, and the cops?  They live here, too.  There’s also a lot of ammo.  And more food than they can imagine, because we grow it here.
• Grandpa, who you have to help up to the range because he was wounded in ‘Nam? He can shoot a 2-inch group at 400 yards.  When he practices his long-range shooting, he can reliably hit man-size targets at 1000 yards.  Grandma, who makes a great macaroni salad for the church social, would regret doming a pink-haired Leftist with her husband’s wheel gun, but she wouldn’t hesitate.
• Also, we know and help each other. That’s why we don’t need a lot of cops.  If you’ve only been here a decade, you’re still the new kid in town.  Many families have gone to the same high school for three generations – and that’s because that’s when they built the “new” high school building.
• There aren’t choke points – I can think of dozens of ways that I could flank, surprise, or otherwise ruin the day of someone who set up a roadblock – because I know all the ways around the roadblocks.
• It gets very dark here. We know where everything is.  They don’t.

Fourth, these are the people who are planning this:

You may not be able to see it, but his guns have little orange caps on the end – at most they’re airsoft guns.  I don’t even think that rates a “he’ll put an eye out”.

My level of fear at Leftists invading Modern Mayberry:

But what caused this rage?  I call it:

The Tennis Shoe of Sadness was caused by Roe versus Wade being overturned.  We mined a lot of salt out of the gun ruling by SCOTUS, so why not mine some salt out of this, too?

I’ll start with an A.I. generated picture:

If you can’t read it, it was generated based on the prompt:  “Clarence Thomas breaking into an abortion clinic at night to use their toilet and not flush.

So, Count Dankula is a Scottish comedian.  And there are a lot of dumb people on the Internet.  That vote.

Now we know who is responsible for January 6 . . . though it’s odd the same people that are investigating January 6 are also vowing to resist the Supreme Court.

I was certain that they taught math in Europe . . .

People are even thinking of leaving Texas . . .

I’m sure the Texans are very, very upset.

Maybe this is why the Lefty girls like The Handmaid’s Tale so much?

Always remember, the Left eats their own, too.

Remember, never be afraid of Big Brother – that’s where all of their power comes from.

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