1883: How the West Was Woke

Guest Post by Skinny

Spoiler Alert:  If you plan on ever watching this show stop reading now.  This is not a review but a rebuke and the entire story, above and between the lines, will be revealed.

If you are unfortunate enough to watch the Yellowstone prequal 1883 you will be rewarded with the wokest revision of history since the 1619 project.  The heroes are, in rough order of appearance, James Dutton a former confederate officer and the patriarch of the Dutton family that some generations later will produce the modern version of this annoying family in the show Yellowstone.  His wife Margaret, played by Faith Hill, a joyless soul who face is permanently screwed up into a scowl.  Any appearance of a smile would cause her face to crack and shatter into hundreds of pieces and fall in shards onto the cruel baked earth.

Their daughter Elsa is a promiscuous 18 virgin who won’t remain so for long and their son John, who spends the majority of the series hiding in a foot locker.  The family is rounded out by Claire Dutton, widow of James’ brother Henry, and her last surviving daughter Mary Abel.  Compared to these two, the screwed up turnip face of Margaret is like a ray of sunshine.   The old west doesn’t tolerate many things one of which is puritanical severity.  So by the end of the second episode Mary Abel is offed by “bandits,” more on them later, and a distraught Claire offs herself with a bullet to the head.

The family is lured to Fort Worth, Texas and onto the frontier by an evil government promising them land and riches beyond their wildest dreams.

The government of 1883 isn’t the woke version that we see today where House of Representatives includes nagging sisters in arms like the squad who do heroic good deeds while being underappreciated by their republican colleagues and “bipartisan” show trials led by equally heroic black men.

No, there are no black men in the government of 1883.  The House is made up by white men with either long white beards or snaky “Snidely Whiplash” type mustaches that they like to twirl while they snigger with greed.  The Senate is made up in its entirety by the Ku Klax Klan.

The evil government convinces this hard-working group that they must go west to pursue their American Dream while what they really want is for them to kill as many Indians as possible and tame the west for their own greedy interests.

In Fort Worth, the cheerful family meets up with a pair of grizzled veterans of both the Union Army and the old west, Captain “Wrong Way” Shea Brennan and Thomas, Who May or May Not Have a Last Name.  Wrong Way earns his name by consistently heading in the wrong direction whenever trouble, typically in the form of the above-named bandits arrives.  Furthermore, it is commanders like Wrong Way that explains how the woefully undermanned, under gunned and otherwise under equipped  Confederate army almost won the Civil War.  Thomas is the levelheaded black man that every woke tale requires.

It is also here in Fort Worth that Wrong Way and Thomas agree to guide a hoard of German Gypsies from Texas to Oregon.  That the gypsies are woefully unprepared for the trip does not deter Shea and so he makes the first in an unending series of horrible decisions.  Getting every decision wrong is as statistical impossible as is getting every decision right.  Wrong Way provides the necessary exception proving this rule.

It is also in Fort Worth that we discover that all evil in the West is caused by white men.  The drunks, white men.  The carousers, white men.  All forms of oafish, boorish behaviour, white men.  The loutish list is topped by a drunk carousing oaf, who mistakenly crashes into Elsa’s room, and instead of apologizing and retreating, does what all white men must do, attempt to rape the 17-year-old girl in a crowded hotel.  James hears the commotion and quickly arrives to shoot the man dead before his lecherous activities come to fruition.  Many witnesses soon arrive and all nod knowingly secure in the knowledge that all white men are pigs.  It never occurred to anyone to ask, “what the hell was that guy thinking?”  Do you really think you can rape 17-year-olds  in the middle of a crowded hotel without repercussions?”  Get used to it folks, this is foreshadowing a recurring theme.

Foregoing the relative safety of the town, Wrong Way leads the gypsy caravan out of town and promptly takes off in search of wild cattle.  Joining him are all the non gypsy men and all the firearms leaving the camp entirely unprotected.  On cue, the all-white bandits show up, and after Claire Dutton starts a ridiculous rock fight, proceed to shoot up the camp killing Mary Abel Dutton along with several gypsies.  The narrative that all white men are capable of is raping and killing underage girls is firmly established.

Later on, the caravan crosses the Brazos River (with predictably disastrous results) Wrong Way announces to James Dutton, that they have now entered “Bandit Country.”  In olden days when John Wayne crossed the Brazos he was entering “Indian Country.”  The significance is not lost and is reaffirmed when the group meets up with two Comanches who are as fun loving as they are helpful.  One of them named Sam, is so playful and helpful he engages in horse races then beds then weds the no longer innocent Elsa.  These Indians, er Native Americans are so helpful they even ride back into the teeth of a tornado to help their new friends.  Good luck getting a White Bandit to do that.  The ever-helpful Sam even teaches his new bride the Comanche language which she will use to save her life later in the series.

Even when the Indians are at last moved to violence it is the fault of white bandits.  The otherwise peaceful Lakota Indians go on the warpath only after their women and children are slaughtered by the nasty bandits and then the bandits due the unthinkable, steal their horses.  Killing the womenfolk is bad enough, but stealing horses, beyond the pale.  In yet another example of Wrong Way blunders, he takes all the guns and men to chase the bandits leaving the group unprotected yet again.  The Lakota ignore Wrong Way’s legion and take off after the rest of the group killing more innocents and mortally wounding Elsa.  Elsa’s mastery of the Indian language learned after just on tutelage session at her husband’s knee convinces the Lakota to ride off thus saving her and the rest of the group a painful torturous death.  The woke timeline reads, bad white men inflame noble red men to righteous anger and the female of the species invokes civility.

The 1619 project invokes wokeness into the American founding and 1883 continues this nonsense into the settling of the West.  Coming soon, 1920 and the Wokeness of Prohibition.

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