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It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal
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To donate via Stripe, click here.
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Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)
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What if you’ve held the missionary position and are quite bored with that?
Just switch women.
Looks like the whore who heads New Zealand.
Looks like an anorexic Tiny Tim.
Tip toe through the tulips
She was born with a disease, I think it’s lipodystrophy. She wrote a book!
Rodeo sex: doing doggy style, grab a lock of her hair, yell an old girl friends name and see if you can hold on for eight seconds.
No boredom there!
And if you can…
. . . don’t forget the always interesting “donkey punch.”
Eight more seconds are …unlikely.
Okay, if we’re getting perverted here, may I suggest a rusty trombone, cleveland steamer, or dirty sanchez?
Dude…
Old hat my friend – sadly, just like my prior suggestion (giving her the d.p., haha).
I will NOT here, (not EVER here), disclose what I learned last week from the urban dictionary and what we both might consider “disgusting.”
(Just like a*a* was considered to be just three decades ago in most of the west.)
Since I missed last week’s Friday Fail, in advance I ask you to forgive anything I might post which was posted then.
Now then, let the best part of M-F to begin!
Welcome back, and let’s hope Colorado Artist makes his appearance as well.
What was the old joke? Our neighbourhood is so tough that when you come to our place we frisk you, and if you don’t have a gun we give you one.
Don’t be so confident, deer. With Biden’s policies decimating the economy, there’ll be plenty of starving people hunting for food this winter. Granted, most of the hunting will take place at food banks, but once they run out, you’re as screwed as Bambi’s mother.
We have plenty of Hoover hogs around here in the wild larder, but I don’t know what happened to our 2 deer families.
With the corruption and incompetence the medical profession displayed throughout the scamdemic, I’d personally feel better if the crematorium jolted me just in case I was prematurely designated a covid death.
Pony up for the beer, cheapskate.
“I may not be a Clydesdale, but I’m no fkn pony either!”
Perhaps we make a shot specially fabricated for the elites consisting of lead alloys.
Think they already did…
. . . “We’re not the same” they keep showing us, though few yet believe / understand just how much so.
Dimethyl mercury.
You don’t even have to inject it.
One drop on the skin.
6 months to slow debilitating death as the central nervous system slowly goes haywire with mercury poisoning.
More Jokes and Pranks with Methylated Chemicals
Simon & Shuster 2016
So, we could solve the illegal invader problem with some squirter guns?
Who needs a shot? China is making the cooovid vaccine into an aerosol to dispense it in the air for everyone. Say hello to chemtrails!
likely the mostly took the fake jab. also the vaxx makers have put something in the jabs different from the beginning that is killing even healthy young folks. some EU countries have banished giving the jab to anyone under 50y.o.
Doesn’t get any better than that.
Seeing that never gets old!
Would I be a bad person if I hope for a rear ender?
“No, no not at all. Nope, you certainly wouldn’t be that at all, sir.”
Calling Bob “sir”…………..LMFAO!!
Ever worked in retail?
🤣😂🤣
Bob gets it.
No. Couldn’t sell fire to a wet cold naked Eskimo for a handful of snow. Why do you ask?
That would make it a Pinto … not a Tesla …
Bob, get your eyes off the blonde Stella billboard and back on the road before you cause a wreck!
You just can’t fix stupid!
They forgot the DIE manager … and if Dave’s part of the ‘victim group’ du jour — well, then, Dave’s going to get a raise … and one of these White guys will have to get fired — most likely the one who knows the most about what’s going on here at this project — the Project Manager.
Oh, I see the problem; you’re dead.
looking at her hair, I’d say she let Joe do too much sniffing?
Look! There’s a Human being….. Not a Human …. being told what to do!
Drop zone #2…
Seems “of” was misspelled.
Shouldn’t it be “in” me?
Thank you, Governor Desantis, for the finest entertainment this summer. Next, send a million more of the illegal bastards to all the swanky places on the coasts so we can laugh watching the hypocritical leftist shitheads burst their veins.
Use old landing craft to deliver them on the beach.
`
‘
Migrants my ass, they are all still wetbacks!
Here I was thinking I’d fuck that blue thing, but their shirts seem to suggest something worrisome. Extraterrestrial blue woman with antennae is fine, but I draw the line at transgenders.
Hey Bob. Do you see blue. I see green with a blue tongue. Colorblind?
is her tongue blue or is the back of her head transparent/missing?
CPT Kirk did.
Let’s order one for every member of the civil service. Then when the revolution hits, we’ll just roll them to the crematorium.
Gorki’s celebrate Independence Day, 9-8-2022.
Upvote if “Avoid Both Like Hell” or “No difference.”
Downvote if you prefer one or the other and please explain in subsequent comment.
YES, I encourage ALL who see this to participate and to do so honestly. (I have some “theories” about this, haha.)
kink=yes, freak=no.
They both make my balls retract.
You have retractable balls?
Do a plunge into ice water. You’ll discover your balls retract too.
Nope.
They must be broke.
I dive in Puget Sound, and do ice baths in conjunction with hot tub.
They say it’s good for the circulation, but I think it’s just a Nordic masochism thing.
Sorry, accidently down voted
OK, SoH, I’ll bite. I would need to see more of the pink haired girl on the right before making a decision. I detect a hint of mischief in her expression…
Ahhh … not ‘mischief’ … but severe mental illness mixed with a tinge of evil …
Fair enough, I.S.
I do too, but it’s something I think my intuition strongly advises me to avoid.
Maybe, just perhaps, we are not that different in that our curiosity is way beyond the average. Though, just between you and I, let me suggest you “go for it” and let us know how it went…
. . . If you update your will in time.
Are those Necronomicon panties?
Only if you say “Klaatu barada nikto!”.
The girl with the Evil Dead panties is just a Bruce Campbell fan.
They say one of the biggest differences between the sexes is that men love to admire women and women loved to be admired by men. Perfectly complementary. So I just can’t understand why I had to go to jail just because there was a window between us.
Poor Bob, flunked spelling and definitions. got “admired” mixed up with boinked?
Taken from TBPs front page, admitted, but did TBP consider the following about their pix?
Such a sign would be superfluous. Since when do government authorities need to be urged to fail? It just comes naturally.
Wife: not for your brother.
Ba dump bump!
“Who will sing the blues?”
The PickMaster
Don’t forget negative interest rates.
But in taking our freedom they awakened too many people and now they’re really worried so they hate us more.
Leftists cry foul because they can only sell their soul once.
And it was swindle.
Their souls were rotted.
It is still amazing to me how many will sell their soul for as little as $2500.
213 is Austin. Seems legit.
It’s really because they rehypothecated the gold from one arch…
Since Katie looks to be maybe six years old I presume the culprit is a high-ranking Democrat who tends to shit his diaper.
As someone who did plan that I welcome you to the fold.
Amen, Bob.
This Martha’s Vineyard caper, along with his covid policies, make me wonder if he should be the Republican nominee for president. So poll of the week: Who would make the better nominee?
Trump: thumbs up
Desantis: thumbs down
I’m concerned about Desantis because he hasn’t anything about the FBI’s raid at Trump’s home. It took place in his state and he’s not interested?
It’s all political theater. Think, is all this busing off illegals from Abbott and DeSantis just another way to bring illegals into the country? and imbed them deeper? Never trust the government’s intentions.
They’re also all-in for sending invaders to their Hawaii property … and to their Washington, DC property … come one, come all …
And their Chiraq property
We can bet the Secret Service will enforce his wall to keep the leeches out. They take their duty seriously unless the last name is Kennedy.
The citizens paid for it, the government owns it,but somehow its theirs.
Is that Michelle cleavage??
And the one pretending to be a man is an illegal alien.
Stupidity (noun)
Running into a wall with an erection regardless of your nose.
Honestly, if you have an erection and run into a wall and it’s your nose that breaks, it speaks volumes about which one is bigger.
Not really.
Between the nose and an erection, only one has cartilage structure that will “break”.
The other is vascular, and cannot break, but will bruise.
Not quite true fuj. A penis fracture can occur during very rough sex. Look it up. Not fun. Trust me, after all, I was an AEMT.
Is it really a “fracture”?
Or does it just feel like one?
I’m off to Web MD……
Enquiring minds want to know!
And just what does an AEMT do to stabilize a penis fracture for transport?
Thank God I never had to deal with a pt with that kind of trauma injury. Probably would have had my female partner put a brace on it while I drove the amb. to ER.
Two popsicle sticks and duct tape.
At 67, I suffer from postmature ejaculation. Feels like a firehose but looks like a dripping tap.
Just wait until you get to postmortem ejaculation…
F.F. tip;
That is not what it was like when an old person would fart in the back of an amb. We would put a dab of Vick’s on/under our nose to cover the stench.
Please forgive me…
. . . I promised my seven year old child I’d post this here.
If your 7 year old knows what this means I guess he’s a chip off the old block.
And he’s raising his child to encourage his twisted humor and memetic cognizance.
It will be necessary for times ahead.
No, it means it was show and tell drag queen day again at his elementary school.
Crap.
I never should have bought the Milwaukee “smart” sawzall that reports it’s location, or the “smart”
2-body freezer…..
OK…
. . . This is LONG and not really my style.
However, if you wanna learn a decent joke (and maybe more) it may be really important. If needs be open the following pix in a new window to make it easy to read – and then memorize it in case you’re “caught” for speeding.
👍🤣👍
Priceless … next she’s got to do one with the new, improved, heavily armed IRS ‘Special Agents’ …
And the chance the second cop will believe her over his colleague are the same as the chance of a fair election.
Doesn’t work if they are wearing body cams. You will be arrested for several felonies.
Upvote for the obligatory meme typo.
I never had any friends until I came out of my shell.
Never gets old…
ME LUSTA
better stop before you rub all the fur off?
she whacked all four of her sisters
I can almost hear it: “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”
And here I was thinking I did well to stop my puppy shitting in the house.