Alice’s Adventures in ‘Wokeland’

Guest Post by Dave Evans

Down the Babbitt hole

(For what happened on Jan6th was the greatest of fantasies)

One fine Juneteenth day Alice was hanging around with her sister. Her sister was reading a book atop a rock in a big open field…..It was a strange tome with a big beautiful rainbow on the cover and titled “My Two Moms.” How could that be possible she wondered? She was thinking of collecting some sweetgrass and fashioning a nice basket which her ‘one’ mom could put fruit in and place on the kitchen counter when all of a sudden a big black rabbit ran by her, startling her because she had never seen a big black rabbit before. The rabbit sensing her consternation blurted out….”Don’t look so surprised child, don’t you know that all black rabbit lives matter…woke up girl.’

He said it with such great passion that Alice had to follow him as he hopped across the field. Chasing after him and reminding him that he must have meant ‘wake up.’ Her ‘one’ mother had always insisted that she pay attention to proper English because that was the language of the realm in which people from all walks of life and even different countries and races could understand one another, building trust and friendship. She was further intrigued by the many tattoos and the lip ring the black rabbit was wearing. So when he popped down a hole in the ground she decided to follow him. Alice was never one to gravitate toward safe spaces when a new adventure came calling….

She was falling..falling…falling…. as if down a very deep well and as she fell further down the well she noticed that the well’s walls were furnished with levels and levels of cupboards and bookshelves. She took down a jar that read ‘Orange Cricketmalade’ ‘marmalade made from crickets’, she mused to herself, ‘how gross.’ From one bookshelf she was able to remove a volume with the title ‘My Tranny’s Passion’ with delicious looking baked cookies being eaten by cute little children on the cover. Oh goodness she reasoned it must be a typo.

They must have meant ‘My Granny’s Passion’ for Alice knew that her Granny had a passion for baking cookies for little children. Down..down…down she went…would it ever end. She wondered if she would eventually reach the bottom. She thought that she might even fall right through the Earth ending up in some strange place like Australia or New Zealand which would be a real problem for her because she had forgotten to bring her mask with her nor had she had the proper vaccinations.

Finally she hit bottom falling onto a bed of My Pillows. She was not the least bit hurt. The corridor ahead was dimly lit but she could see the outline of the black rabbit hurrying down  a little bit ahead of her. What a strange place this is. I wonder where I will end up next.

It was not long that she found herself in a long hallway lit by a row of lit lamps from the roof. There were doors all up and down the hallway but they were all locked. Each door had words  or strange acronyms emblazoned on them. One door had the initials ‘BLM’ on it, another ANTIFA a third one read LGBTQ….how queer this all was. Was this some sort of secret code? One door had the words ‘Social Justice Warriors’ written on it. That was perplexing to her.

Did they mean ‘just social’ for Alice was a most sociable creature. How could one ever be a sociable warrior she wondered for war is the least sociable activity she could think of. One final door was especially perplexing to her. It just had the words ‘Baby Formula’ written on it. How strange for Alice detected no babies anywhere in the vicinity. She was sure that rabbits had babies but did they drink formula? I would think that they would favor a nice bottle of warm carrot juice she thought to herself.

All these strange words and acronyms were beyond her rather limited and parochial understanding. One door even had the following written across it: “Only Deplorables need Enter here!” How strange who could ever be considered ‘deplorable’ on this beautiful planet. Are not all men and women created equal, that is, after all, what she had been taught. One door simply read Transhuman yet another one oddly enough read Trannyhuman? Very, very confusing to her. The black rabbit had long since disappeared but a tall elfen-faced man who introduced himself as ‘Schwabenklaus’ suggested that she might want to approach the big door at the end of the hallway.

How big, ornate and a bit imposing this door was. The kind of door you would expect to open to a whole new world or at least a very rich King’s castle. The writing on the door read “THE GREAT RESET.” How very strange indeed. These words made little sense to Alice who only moments ago was laughing and playing while her sister sat on a rock reading that strange book with the rainbow on the cover….but Schwabenklaus seemed pretty insistent that this was the door that Alice should open. Looking up close she could see a notice tacked to the door which read:

ONLY THE WOKE MAY ENTER HERE. MUST BE UP TO DATE ON ALL REQUIRED VACCINATIONS AND BOOSTERS AND BE WILLING TO EAT CRICKETS.

Yuk….no way thought Alice I would rather eat 10 beyond boogers…I mean burgers.

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