The Electric Codpiece

Guest Post by Eric Peters

Going really fast is very illegal.

In fact, so is going even a little faster than whatever the speed limit is.

EV people ought to think about this a little.

In many states, anything much over 80 can land you in jail – and your vehicle in the impound lot. Even 1 MPH faster than whatever the posted limit happens to be in every state can result in what is styled a “ticket” – the term used to describe the money you’ll be obliged to hand over for “speeding,” defined as driving even 1 MPH faster than whatever the government says is lawful.

But EV people – many of them – like (and buy) EVs specifically because they are fast. Or rather, because they can accelerate very quickly. This attribute is also usually the first one touted by the company that’s trying to sell the EV. It can get to 60 in 2.9 seconds!

This is very quick, indeed.

But what is the point of this capability, if you can’t use it – or dare not? Is it not like the codpieces worn by Medieval nobility to showcase what they weren’t using?

Are these people aware that accelerating from 0-60 in less than three (or less than 10) seconds is considered “aggressive” by the very same government-corporate nexus that is ardently pushing people into EVs? If you doubt this, ask anyone who drives for a living. Their acceleration (and also braking) is monitored as they drive and if they drive too aggressively, they are likely to get into trouble with their employer.

Who, in turn, will get into trouble with the insurance mafia – with whom he is obliged to deal by the government, which forces him to buy “coverage” under terms and conditions set forth by the mafia. The mafia does not like aggressive acceleration – or braking. It “adjusts” the rates it charges accordingly. Employers now routinely keep track of how their drivers drive for just that reason – and the vehicles they drive can be controlled for the same reason, too.

The same will be applied to the EVs people buy because they are attracted by how quickly they accelerate.

After enough people have bought in, that is.

In fact, they have already bought in. They just don’t know it yet. It’s not just EVs, either. Every 2023 model vehicle has some form of “speed limit assistance technology.” It isn’t optional. It is part of the standard equipment package, so to speak.

People might want to think about this a little.

It is called different things by different manufacturers but it is all the same thing. It is a “technology” that enables the car to know not only what the speed limit is on the road you happen to be driving on but whether you are driving faster than it says you legally may. When you do, it “assists” you by warning you, via an icon that looks just like a speed limit sign that changes color from legal white and black to angry red.

Think about what’s implicit in this.

The car knows you’re “speeding.” How long before you are fined for it? Keeping in mind that it’s not just the car that knows. Potentially, the government-corporate nexus knows it, too. All new cars are “connected.” They send and receive data about all kinds of things. Including – potentially, at least – exactly how fast you’re driving at any given moment.

Monitoring is already happening.

Of your speed. And how aggressively you accelerate (and brake).

Think about how the people behind all of this will define that. And how they will justify restricting it, once a sufficiency of people have been lured into EVs.

Actually, it’s not necessary to speculate because we already know. Once again, ask anyone who drives commercially. They get into trouble if they accelerate the vehicle they’re driving at a rate that’s more aggressive than a Galapagos tortoise leaving the starting line. This is why you have probably had a delivery vehicle ease out in front of you from a side street and proceed to gradually accelerate. Or found yourself stuck behind a pair of tractor-trailers, one in the left (passing) lane, the other in the right – the one in the left lane “passing” the other for the next 15 miles.

Don’t blame the drivers. They don’t want to lose their jobs. Just understand you’re next.

Controlling velocity and acceleration – whether by limiting  or by automatically/electronically fining – is just a matter of the doing. And that is something that can and will be done to you – if you drive something new – essentially anytime they like, the technology having already been embedded in all new vehicles – and thus the ability to do it to you already a fait accompli.

Meanwhile, these EVs – which people are being lured into not objecting to by dangling their ability to speed – and accelerate aggressively – in front of their faces. In order to take their minds off everything the EV doesn’t have the ability to do. Or does poorly.

Eventually, once a sufficiency of people have bought in – it will be discovered that “ludicrous” speed and “aggressive” acceleration are bad for the climate, via causing the “emission” of excess “carbon.” The EV driver will find himself codpiecing along in a ludicrous vehicle that struts but doesn’t do.

It is the equivalent of tricking a dog into eating a pill by stuffing it into a piece of hot dog. The dog doesn’t notice what he’s swallowing because he’s focused on that yummy piece of hot dog. The difference being the pill is probably good for the dog – and the dog’s owner means well, at least.

Unlike your owners.

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12 Comments
Simplecarpenter
Simplecarpenter
June 11, 2023 6:39 pm

And here we all were , set to zing along at speeds over a hundred at least in our flying conveyances ala “The Jetsons “, “Minority Report”,”AI “, The Fifth Element or any number of other futuristic” holly weird “tales ..

well_Inever
well_Inever
June 11, 2023 7:10 pm

Several years ago I was pulled over in VA for doing 85 in a 65 and was given a ticket for “reckless driving.” Took me several hundred in bribes to get it reduced.

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 11, 2023 7:13 pm

Make Codpieces Great Again

Infectious
Infectious
June 11, 2023 7:21 pm

Oh, it doesn’t have to be an EV. I have a new gasoline powered car and all the capability of controlling and reporting speed and acceleration is built right in. I asked the dealership about what was done, if anything, with the information they are capable of collecting and transmitting and they said, “Nothing, yet.” The information is as useful to them as the government. They now have the ability to disallow warranty claims if they can assert that the vehicle has been driven improperly. Big brother isn’t just for governments any more. There is a creeping and insidious agenda coming into the light around insurance companies ethics and conduct too. Not that they ever really were ethical in the first place.

Obbledy
Obbledy
June 11, 2023 8:50 pm

Wow,I remember the first time I got into a car that talked to you.,…..it said “door is ajar”as I was pulling it onto the tire trap that pulled it into the car wash…..I was telling it to “shut up” the whole time……

k31
k31
  Obbledy
June 12, 2023 7:07 pm

I used to yell at my Explorer. That thing was always yapping at me.

Tex
Tex
June 12, 2023 12:04 am

Checking various auto insurance rates at renewal time I learned one can get a discount on auto insurance by agreeing to place a monitoring device in the vehicle. One agency dude said the device will even detect if the vehicle is going around a curve too fast. But the agent dude said they usually don’t penalize for going through a curve a bit fast. I mentioned I did not fall off a watermelon truck recently so, no thanks, adios.

B_MC
B_MC
  Tex
June 12, 2023 6:50 am

I learned one can get a discount on auto insurance by agreeing to place a monitoring device in the vehicle.

PROGRESSIVE’S SNAPSHOT

Progressive’s Snapshot program is a usage-based insurance program that personalizes car insurance rates based on actual driving. The program uses a device that plugs into the car’s OBD-II Diagnostic Port and collects basic performance data and your location via GPS. It sends that data to Progressive through cell signals and a report is created. Policyholders can earn up to a 30% discount off their car insurance premium with an A grade or a 1-15% discount with a grade of B. In most states, you get an automatic discount just for participating and a personalized rate at renewal depending on your results. To maximize your results, drive less, in safer ways, and during safer times of day.

Tex
Tex
  B_MC
June 21, 2023 8:55 am

All a scam. Thanks anyway. Geez, wtf is wrong with people!?

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 12, 2023 7:04 am

Well they are now coming with “shut of devices” to allegedly stop car theft, like Onstar. Which means not only are you monitored, but can be found by and shutdown immediately if the government demands it. And the really good thing is you have to pay a fee to have this “feature”.
Makes cell phone tracking look like child’s play in the governments hands.

Walter
Walter
June 12, 2023 7:45 pm

I asked my tailor to set me up with a pocket for my codpiece. He’s a young fellow, looked at me blankly. I explained, he said he’d get right on it.

Anonymous
Anonymous
June 12, 2023 11:17 pm

I could do without the illustrations of cod pieces, thanks.

There are a lot of reasons to disparage the use of EV’s without resorting to renaissance homoerotica.