WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, interim DC Police Chief Ashan Benedict said that while they have top investigators on the case, they may never know exactly who left a bag of cocaine labeled “Property of H. Biden” in the White House while Hunter Biden was there.
“Listen, this is a difficult case to solve,” said Benedict to reporters. “The initial ‘H’ could be anyone. Hank, Herman, Harry… the possibilities are endless. We will do our best to solve this, but we need the American people to know that this extraordinarily difficult case might just be unsolvable forever.”
Sources close to the case confirmed that police had planned to dust for fingerprints, but they accidentally lost their fingerprinting kit. They were then going to review security footage of the room where the hard drugs were found, but the tapes for that time period accidentally fell into a bucket of hydrochloric acid and were ruined. DNA tests also proved fruitless, as almost all of the DNA found in the White House belongs to Bill Clinton.
“This is a case that may haunt me for the rest of my life,” said lead Detective Frank Drebin as several laser dots appeared on his forehead. “I’m completely stumped here. I really hate to see the bad guys get away like that.”
At publishing time, DC Police had also lamented the unsolvable case of the dead hooker they just found buried in the Rose Garden.
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More phoney baloney Smith Mundt Act story time to keep the plebes enthralled. One narrative after another across the board. Corporate media and fake alt media same shit.
Winner.
“Hello? White House switchboard? Do you guys have a lost and found? My name is Bunter Hiden, and I may have lost a bag of powdered sugar over there somewhere. Any idea if something like that has been turned in? It has? Wait… what?! Only a few spoons full? Well I know it was a LOT MORE than that in the bag! Uh, huh. No, it was just powdered sugar, but that doesn’t matter. It was MY powdered sugar, not his. Uh, huh. Well, you tell whoever turned it in that I know for SURE there was a HELL of a lot more than that in it when I left it!!”
Bush 43 left it behind forgetting about it. GW, the cocaine years.
It could have been the VP.
Just sayin.
Harris doesn’t need cocaine to go heels up, it is her natural position.
Color me shocked BBee, fucking republicOns actually “do drugs” too. At least peeps that vote the assholes. And what does it mean to be a Republican, RepublicOn etc. Nothing. Just more dope heads perhaps in the closet but dopehead regardless.
If I were a gambling man, I would wager that bag was found shortly after HB was at that state dinner a couple of weeks ago.
They just staged this show to make it look slightly less conspicuous.
He snuck off for a bump and left the goods laying around, because he was shagging some high society chick.
Of course, I just saw PJW vid of HB at 4th shindig with the sniffles.
Probably allergies.
Correct. They would never search the Biden’s rooms while the Bidens were there. The location has changed? You gotta be kidding me. How incompetent is the SS? And now after only a few days all Federal police claim this can never be solved!
Then some idiot brought up hundreds in Chicago getting shot the video cameras never cover. Like the White House doesn’t have better cameras, more cameras per area,
with higher resolution, better lighting and a closer view than a street camera in Chicago! I mean this is the residence of the President of the US not a street on the south side of Chicago!
Oh, sure. Some guy in Florida distributes flyers containing true stuff about jews, and an hour later they have his name, detailed life history, his bank account details, the name of every girlfriend he’s ever had, a list of all the pets he’s owned, fingerprints, dental records, travel history, illegally obtained medical files, and an entire staff of ADL propagandists assigned to slandering him forever.
Some nigger whore loses her party-sized bag of coke in the West Wing, on video, and they just can’t figure out who did it.
If this really happened the secret service would squash it, it would never make the fake news
I wonder how much this bag of coke is eventually gonna cost us tax slaves.
Everything or nothing, depending on how you look at it.
Maybe this is a limited hangout and the real sniffer is Pedo Pete?
Lol they’re still looking for a pipe bomber from Jan. 6th, or how about that Supreme court leak…This script has become quite boring ever since AI started writing it.
Could be Hunter, could be Joe, could be any number of assistants, advisors, or contract employees. Could very well be some of the Secret Service staff.
Just a heads up about sociopaths and psychopaths, probably not news to readers here… Most of our high elected officials are sociopathic. They have no guilt when they lie. They have no remorse when they steal. They do not miss a night’s sleep when their actions cause the deaths of innocents. And now the important point; they do not understand normal, psychologically healthy people who have guilt, ethical principles, and a conscience. Such traits literally do not make any sense to them. They do not understand why you do the things you do. Consequently, sociopaths PREFER to work with other sociopaths. They understand each other’s motives and decisions. Because of that, high ranking politicians and agency heads preferentially hire, and surround themselves with other sociopaths and psychopaths. There are HUNDREDS of people who might have been in the White House carrying cocaine because all of them think that “laws are for little people, not for people like US.”
While everything you’ve said is absolutely true, in this case it is far more likely that this story is just another fabrication meant to spin out a news cycle so people aren’t asking pertinent questions about far more serious issues.
For one, even if they did find some paltry amount of cocaine in the White House, you think they’d tell the American people? They made this a story because they want people to speculate on it and to direct their focus on something so ridiculous in the larger scheme of things as to be a joke.
And as with all the other daily/weekly/monthly outrages it will fade from view and disappear into obscurity once it has served its purpose.
There are patterns. When you see enough of them you are able to discern their warp and woof.
If you’re looking at Hunter’s stash, you ain’t lookin’ at the economy or Ukraine.
Ooh! A squirrel!
It got picked up on an unencrypted radio freq for LE and when asked about it the SS confirmed it. There is at least a plausible story on how it leaked.
Nice………….the democrat party has the “A” team investigators on this one.
Whats the function of the sow warthog on left ?
Police Commissioner: “We have Top Men working on it”. Reporter Jones: “Who Exactly?”. Police commissioner: “TOP.. MEN.. reporter Jones”.
The oligarchs installed the “Joe Button” for faster hegemony.
That bag of cocaine lobbed over the fence of Casa Blanco speaks to motive. Hunter’s giving up the habit but want’s the ‘big man’ to get a bum rap for hiding the evidence in plain sight.
The FBI has determined there are to many people named “Hunter” out there now, not just men, but even women now, to ever determine which Hunter might have left the bag of coke in the White House. The last name Biden seems to be an indecipherable code that can’t be broken!