WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. government has passed a new bill allowing for widespread surveillance of every American citizen — unless, of course, they happen to be carrying cocaine into the White House.
The nation was rocked to its core this week after a substance later determined to be cocaine was found in the West Wing of the White House. The always-trustworthy and not-in-any-way-corrupt D.C. Police Department immediately launched a very thorough 15-minute investigation to learn the identity of the culprit.
While it’s unlikely we’ll ever know who could have possibly brought cocaine into the house where President Biden and his crack-addicted son were staying, The Babylon Bee has obtained a list of 15 other things found at the White House during the search:
Continue reading “15 Other Things The Secret Service Found At The White House”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference this morning, interim DC Police Chief Ashan Benedict said that while they have top investigators on the case, they may never know exactly who left a bag of cocaine labeled “Property of H. Biden” in the White House while Hunter Biden was there.
“Listen, this is a difficult case to solve,” said Benedict to reporters. “The initial ‘H’ could be anyone. Hank, Herman, Harry… the possibilities are endless. We will do our best to solve this, but we need the American people to know that this extraordinarily difficult case might just be unsolvable forever.”