SAN FRANCISCO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom initiated a last-minute cleanup of San Francisco ahead of a visit from China’s communist dictator President Xi. He assured all unhoused persons in the area that they may resume their normal practice of sidewalk defecation as soon as his boss has left town.
“Please, we need to try and keep the place clean just for a few days while my boss is here,” said Newsom in a press conference surrounded by a horde of angry homeless people. “Please don’t mess it up for me and President Xi. I really want to impress him. Please hold it in for a couple of days. Just clench or something. After that, you may poop to your heart’s content. Thank you.”
“Please,” he added. “If I play my cards right, Xi may even let me become President. This is huge for me.”
Sources say locals were shocked to wake up on Monday and find their streets temporarily clean, safe, and free of mountains of human fecal matter. “What happened?” said one local to reporters. “Where am I? Where did all the poop go? Did I die and go to heaven?”
To keep the streets pristine through the planned Wednesday visit, Newsom also authorized the temporary relocating of all homeless to a Chinese-style labor camp.
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Normal reasonable people don’t live in shitholes that require a CSI cleaning crew to come in and clean up just because the inlaws are coming to dinner.
As a rule, I generally don’t leave drug paraphenalia and random squalor lying around the house, nor does anyone who lives in my house poop or pee anywhere but our well functioning clean bathrooms. I will confess that our pets have accidents on the rugs from time to time (never the tile or hardwood; I guess the carpet feels nice under their paws as they vomit), but these are always quickly cleaned up.
It’s hard to believe that Newsom is a viable candidate vying for Biden’s job as the next democrat installed as president, but this ahole survived a hard fought recall in California and still retained power, so I guess anything is possible in Biden’s America.
he’ll get even more votes.
Noosum is proof of democrat election-fraud.
Sad the local Post Office in a town of 150 had to discontinue placing a trash can for patrons to dispose of junk mail etc. received in their P.O. Box because someone shit in the trash can. I can only imagine the way things are going in Texas it was a recent transient from somewhere in California where such as shitting in trash can is a way of life.
Yeah. And if you’re the Governor Gruesome, you and your party get to eat at restaurants sans masks, after you lock down your State with a mask mandate across the board.
What a piece of work this prick is. Lump him in with Schwab, Gates, Soros, Obama, Shrub, Pelosi, Schumer, Bug eyes Schiff, and Maximum Ugly, for rope necklace from lamp posts.
Smarmy? He looks like a forked tongue might slither out at any time from his mouth.
Does this mean we have to call them “Newsom villages” instead of Potemkin villages now?
Where did he put the homeless, anyway?
that guy needs his clock cleaned. What an egotistical little bitch. I will not listen to him or follow him in the media. WHere are all the crazies…..send them to Sacramento
There is NO low that’s TOO low for Newsum. It’s one thing, to make sure that scheduled cleanings are current, it’s another to require “HOBO roundups” and military-level hazmat teams to make things even safe to enter. This lying sack doesn’t have a conscience, so covering up the results of democrat policies will not cause him to blink.
Ironically the POS Newsom cleaning up the shit is just a metaphor for his self hatred.