WASHINGTON, D.C.—Homeland Security has raised the level of its National Protest Advisory System (NPAS) from “Mostly Peaceful” to “Somewhat Peaceful” in response to swelling crowds outside the Supreme Court Building.
D.C. Police are on full alert with riot gear to hold back the somewhat peaceful protesters to prevent them from entering the Supreme Court Building with somewhat peaceful intent. The building itself is surrounded by oppressive barricades and the justices have reportedly been issued whistles to report somewhat peaceful touching on their person in the event of a somewhat peacefully bludgeoning.
