Tag: goldfish

GIRL BURYING GOLDFISH

Hat tip Boston Bob


GOLDFISH WILL RULE THE WORLD

I think the goldfish cheated. They can’t be trusted. Huxley was surely right.

“Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.”

Via The Independent

 

Humans have become so obsessed with portable devices and overwhelmed by content that we now have attention spans shorter than that of the previously jokingly juxtaposed goldfish.

Microsoft surveyed 2,000 people and used electroencephalograms (EEGs) to monitor the brain activity of another 112 in the study, which sought to determine the impact that pocket-sized devices and the increased availability of digital media and information have had on our daily lives.

In 2000 the average attention span was 12 seconds, but this has now fallen to just eight. The goldfish is believed to be able to maintain a solid nine.

“Canadians [who were tested] with more digital lifestyles (those who consume more media, are multi-screeners, social media enthusiasts, or earlier adopters of technology) struggle to focus in environments where prolonged attention is needed,” the study reads.

Anecdotely, many of us can relate to the increasing inability to focus on tasks, being distracted by checking your phone or scrolling down a news feed.

Another recent study by the National Centre for Biotechnology Information and the National Library of Medicine in the US found that 79 per cent of respondents used portable devices while watching TV (known as dual-screening) and 52 per cent check their phone every 30 minutes.


MURDER HE WROTE

I came downstairs this morning to a horrific murder scene. There on the family room floor was the lifeless body of goldie, our priceless 3 year old goldfish won at a local fair through the herculian efforts of one of my sons throwing a ping pong ball into his bowl. He had survived countless days of us ignoring him and forgetting to feed him. He learned to survive eating his own shit. But he never learned to live outside his tank, the poor bastard.

It seems our two cats had formulated a master plan. They would hover above his tank for hours watching his every move. They were always drinking the water in his tank. We thought it was harmless, so we ignored it. Little did we know it was part of their murderous plans. In retrospect, it seems so obvious. They eventually drank the water down to a level where escape was futile. Then under the cover of darkness, they attacked. I have concluded that Cookie was the lookout and Smokey committed the dastardly deed. Both are denying all involvement and claim that goldie leapt to his death on his own. They have both lawyered up.

Goldfish

Smokey claims it was Colonel Mustard.

The saddest part of this story is that Avalon will never experience the joy of transporting goldie to the shore or her mother’s house again. She would utilize an old lemonade container for these trips. Once while coming home from the shore she thought goldie needed more air, so she took the lid off the container. As she was turning to get on I-95, the bowl tipped over and goldie went under the car seat. Avalon pulled over and tried to find him to no avail. She gave him up for dead, but he flopped out and she was able to put him in the 2 inches of water left in the container. When we went on our cruise, she used the same container to transport him to her mother’s house and it fell over and broke, spilling most of the water. Now you know why I don’t like to drive in our minivan.

So ends the sad story of Goldie the goldfish. RIP