PEOPLE OF WAL-MART – WE’RE ALL DOOMED

Is there a FUPA season? I mean, if I had to guess I’d say the springtime due to excess winter weight being gained unnoticed but I kinda have a bad “gut” feeling that we can’t limit these atrocities to just one time of year.

What’s the point of having underwear on if the world doesn’t even know you’re wearing them? These fine ladies are forward thinkers I say. I’m tired of spending my good money on some stylish undies only for them to go unnoticed. Who’s with me?!?!…nobody? Ok, nevermind then.

Attention shoppers, we have a special on parties located in every frickin’ aisle this dude goes in!!!!!

HA! Ok, when you come down from your incredible level of disbelief and disgust in humanity let me know which one you think is worse.

That will certainly deter anyone thinking about breaking into your car. I know I wouldn’t go near it now just because I’d assume you also have a bear trap on the seat cushion or something. Maybe our friends over at whitetrashrepairs.com could help let us know where this security system ranks in their books.

What’s so creepy about having a homemade shirt with multiple pictures of Winona Ryder on it? Oh, everything? Yeah that’s what I figured. Not stalkerish at all.

Who doesn’t like a classic Battle of the Sexes matchup? For this bout we’ve got a couple of over-the-top mooners. So make sure you pick a side before you hurriedly look away.

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard about 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh and how his wife hates that he buys his pleated khakis for $8 at Walmart. Obviously the reason you’ve heard about that is because Sportscenter is less about sports and more about useless crap. However, we here at POWM are all about useless crap that happens at Walmart, so we’d like to say thanks to Jim for getting caught in the act and remember $8 khakis are still 1,000X better than Belichick’s awful cutoff hoodies.

Nothing says “I’m cheap as hell” like homemade bumper stickers! Also, if you need to resort to making homemade bumper stickers about people being on your ass so much, chances are good the problem is you.

Someone asked me if there is anything better than a rat tail and to be honest I was stumped. I assumed there was not. Then BOOM! Right in my face I get hit with the Siamese twin rat tail and it turns everything I thought I knew about this world upside down.

Ummm ok, couple of ladies on the prowl that might have just missed their prime hunting season by a few decades. But perhaps these cougars still got some bite left? Anyway, I’m sure there are such things as a GILF, not sure these two fit the bill but I don’t know what else to call them when I make you pick one.

Okay, yup I see it’s suppose to be ‘Ducks’ but that’s a little too close for comfort for the kiddos. However ma’am, you don’t get to use that excuse. Your shirt is clearly expressing joy over a poop.

Hey, real men wear pink capris!…not real manly men, but yes technically still male.

I’ll tell ya what buddy let me go ahead and take a worldwide vote and see who all wouldn’t want to be born a white male in America. I’m sure you and the 3 other idiots will be new best friends. Geez, this guy would hit the lottery and bitch about the taxes.

Well that’s certainly a different approach to looking foolish. Totally successful by the way, but definitely a different route there. You’re a pioneer of foolish!

You look like you messed up being a juggalo, which is about the saddest, most depressing thing I could think of saying to someone else.

Hell ya! ‘Bout time Walmart hired a real gardener to work there. I can’t wait to talk to you all about your bare white pasty tulips.

You’d figure that black hole would have sucked in that excess thigh cheese.