California governor Jerry Brown announced Wednesday that the state would impose its first-ever mandatory water reduction for residents in response to a four-year drought that has plagued large areas of the state. Here are some of California’s new measures to conserve water:
- Water offered generous tax incentives to relocate to California
- Residents must be 30 percent less glistening when emerging from pool
- Google forced to drain campus’s bank of relaxing womb-simulation pods and indoor airboat race course
- Right to water grass restricted solely to residents who have realistic chance of winning subdivision’s Best-Kept Lawn title
- Disneyland will no longer provide fire hoses for visitors to turn on costumed characters
- One-child policy
- Surgeons across state ordered to wash hands half as often
- Statewide consumer rebate program to replace old water with more water-efficient water
- Olivia Jessup of Sacramento asked to sacrifice a few hydrangeas
- Educational campaign to warn citizens against past 100 years of wasteful water policy
False! Lies! This isn’t true! Jim didn’t put enough disclaimers on this and I’m too stupid to figure out that it’s a spoof!
As soon as I read this I thought of Tucci. Reminds me of Mr. Obvious from The Bob and Tom Show.
Concerning Kalifornia? The “One-child policy” (except, of course, among “disadvantaged” progtard-voting populations) sounds like something straight – ooh, you should pardon the expression – out of Sacramento.
I have no sympathy for California, as State that mandates a convicted murderer receive a taxpayer paid sex change operation while he is in prison calling it a civil right.
And refers to him as “her” in the order as well even before it is done.
@Victor, well why not? I believe they are also the state paying for a sex change for a prison guard.
What is good for the goose, is good for the gander, and in ‘murka, bad for those of us that have to pay for it.
Californians Outraged As Oil Producers & Frackers Excluded From Emergency Water Restrictions
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 04/03/2015 12:50 -0400
California’s oil and gas industry is estimated (with official data due to be released in coming days) to use more than 2 million gallons of fresh water per day; so it is hardly surprising that, as Reuters reports, Californians are outraged after discovering that these firms are excluded from Governor Jerry Brown’s mandatory water restrictions, “forcing ordinary Californians to shoulder the burden of the drought.”
From Reuters,
California should require oil producers to cut their water usage as part of the administration’s efforts to conserve water in the drought-ravaged state, environmentalists said on Wednesday.
Governor Jerry Brown ordered the first statewide mandatory water restrictions on Wednesday, directing cities and communities to cut their consumption by 25 percent. But the order does not require oil producers to cut their usage nor does it place a temporary halt on the water intensive practice of hydraulic fracturing.
California’s oil and gas industry uses more than 2 million gallons of fresh water a day to produce oil through well stimulation practices including fracking, acidizing and steam injection, according to estimates by environmentalists. The state is expected to release official numbers on the industry’s water consumption in the coming days.
“Governor Brown is forcing ordinary Californians to shoulder the burden of the drought by cutting their personal water use while giving the oil industry a continuing license to break the law and poison our water,” said Zack Malitz of environmental group Credo.
“Fracking and toxic injection wells may not be the largest uses of water in California, but they are undoubtedly some of the stupidest,” he said.
The industry has received scrutiny for how it disposes of undrinkable water produced during oil drilling. Last month the state ordered the operators of 12 wells to halt injections of the water out of fear that it could contaminate fresh drinking water supplies.
…
In an interview with the PBS Newshour on Wednesday, Brown indicated that curbing oil industry water use would not help a state so dependent on petroleum products such as gasoline and diesel.
“If we don’t take it out of our ground, we’ll take it out of someone else’s,” Brown said.
Suck it up, or well don’t as the case may be, serfs.
Average:
Admin, I saw that story, too. It’s the ole, “do as I say, not do as you see me doing” type of play. John
@Admin: I wrote Jerry Brown a scathing email regarding this “fracking water” issue. I’m sure it’ll be corrected by 5 PM.
I don’t want those cunts in California coming to my state.
Right now I’m working on a project to turn Illegals into water.
The other idea I have (getting venture capital – thanks to this article) is to build a fence around California, Oregon, and Washington. There will be human check valves at Oregon and Mexico. The will allow a one way flow out of California.
As a sidebar, I’m working on the 4 oz, flush toilet.
@T4C: It’s for the childrennn. The Water Park is for the childrennnn. It’s an investment in the community. Where would they be without this park?
You need to get with the program.
Dutchman says: I don’t want those cunts in California coming to my state.
You own a whole fucking state?