“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
Steven Wright
“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
Steven Wright
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
Steven Wright
“What’s another word for thesaurus?”
Steven Wright
“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
Steven Wright
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
Steven Wright
“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”
Steven Wright
“I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.”
Steven Wright
“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
Steven Wright
“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
Steven Wright
I have been using the thesaurus one since I first heard it like 20 years ago. Its even funnier now, because no one even knows what a thesaurus is anymore. So they get out their phones, then look it upand look around and nervously giggle as they finally get the joke. Try Iit. Make sure you’ve got millenials and or phone addicts present.
HILARIOUS! Thank you for a perfect start to the day.
“If you are not part of the solution, then you are part of the precipitate.”
“It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.”
One of my favorite lines (paraphrased):
I went swimming in a hotel pool that was on the 89th floor……it was the deepest pool I’d ever seen
Steven Wright, a true deep thinking comedian.
“There was a light switch in my apartment hall that didn’t do anything. Every time I passed by it, I would flick it on and off. One day I got a phone call from a woman in Poland who yelled, STOP IT!”
Brilliant!
WE need more of this!
Steve Wright–
I had to stop driving my car for a while….the tires got dizzy.
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked and could only have one book, what would it be? I always say, “How to Build a Boat.”
It doesn’t matter what ‘room temperature is, it’s always ‘room temperature’.