Guest Post by Jesse
“Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, give your concerns to God. And the peace of the Lord, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. in Christ Jesus.”
Phil 4:4-7
I do believe that the queen and I are in the endgame now. She requires constant watching and care, and I rarely leave her side. I have been dealing with the short term emergencies and gathering the facts and resources together for next steps, as the situation calls out in its own good time. As anyone who has been involved in this sort of thing knows, it can drag on for much longer than one might expect— in the manner of the Fed’s serial asset bubbles achieved through top down stimulus, one might observe.
There is a kind of a peacefulness amidst all this turmoil that at times seems almost beautiful. And, even when things get very bad, there are God’s tender mercies, if we can but keep our hearts and eyes open for them.
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Don’t get me wrong When a loved one suffers or seems afraid, it still has the power to break any heart. One would think that something that gets broken so often over the years would somehow harden, but no, that does not seem to be the way it is in this case. Love has a transcendent power, as well as a transformative, power.
But still, I can see love moving here among us— and He does send His angels in the darkest hours.
I believe that I can provide updates and links to news stories right along, since there is much time spent just being available nearby to her with my laptop. However, access to my office and the larger computer there with the data for the charts and means to generate them appears to be a more occasional luxury for now.
I did manage to link my laptop to the big multi-screened desktop computer for the streaming of video games (Skyrim and Fallout) on a hardwired gigabit ethernet I had installed, so perhaps when my son visits here from his Summer internship out of state later this month I will put him on the case. I could probably do it, but I just don’t have the bandwidth for that now.
There are many things I could say about the markets, and about the economic and social and political situation we find ourselves in.
People do not want to hear it. If I have learned anything in the last ten years it is that people just do not want to hear it, even if the truth is presented factually and with transparent reason, in a fairly calm and straightforward manner. They set up ideological strawmen and economic shibboleths like firewalls against reality and hide behind them.
I have tried dressing it up in different ways, with humor, with sarcasm, with rational discussion and even with rowdiness, more of a habit I must say of some years ago. You cannot effectively deliver a message if you write it on a brick. Although some appear to be making a living at it— la nouvelle boor-geoisie.
Lately, as you may have noticed, or not, the emphasis of what I have been writing here has shifted to reassuring the faithful, and cautioning them against falling away as things get a little crazier, which they are bound to do, as opposed to arguing for systemic reforms as I and many others have done for so long.
I think the outcome, in general, of all this is ‘baked in’ now, at least in the broader realization of years of mispriced risk and policy errors. The problem is that I just cannot believe it. It has been like watching a train wreck in slow motion. So the sense of urgency one might have had when they thought that the situation was still manageable is no longer there.
And yet, you never see the good coming when things get darkest. But I don’t think they are the darkest yet. I think the next collapsing bubble may usher that one in, with the usual posturing and false flags from the high priests of the god of the markets, caught as they are in a credibility trap.
I see nonsense everywhere. But the truly hysterical part of this cycle is still approaching, and it may get quite a bit worse when it does. Paranoia is almost a given when the exceptional fail spectacularly. Since they are so great, if they fail they must be a victim of those jealous of them.
There may be blood, if history is any indication, and a great deal of propaganda and distorted information spread by the money masters without a doubt. It is what they do.
Both political parties have failed, and the most sustainable solutions are being opposed vigorously by the very few at the top of the status quo, who will hang on to their privileges, with great indignation and self-righteous anger, to the bitter end. Better to rule in hell to serve in heaven.
What is going to happen is approaching with a kind of inevitability. And I have no more time or patience left for debating this with people whose minds are closed. Still, times like this show us who are our real friends, like stars in the night, and in some of the unlikeliest places.
All in all, we ought to draw comfort from the realization that, despite our prideful ignorance, we are not all that exceptional, and that historically our situation is hardly unique. I draw that same comfort in my own personal situation, and feel the power of the commonality with those of my fellows who have entered, almost without intention and often under the duress of suffering, into the invisible community of those who care for the things of the mind and of the spirit.
Those who have gone before us have stood on similar ground, over and over again. And now it is our turn.
And in the end, the only real tragedy is not to be a saint.
Keep the faith.
“If I have learned anything in the last ten years it is that people just do not want to hear it”
Yes, that is more often than not the case. It makes no sense, but there it is , blissful ignorance , lined up bumper to bumper on the highway to hell and all we the informed can do is watch with widened eyes.
whats really important to the masses …Oh look, fresh cat pics have been posted to Fakebook.
I think the so called Money Masters will find someway to keep this debt monetary system going until they are certain white Americans can’t resist their plans.They will keep flooding America with third world bottom feeders until the Democrats have a solid majority.All they need is to flip Texas and the leftist Progressives will have that majority.
Maybe God will save us but I doubt it … God has numbered your kingdom ,and finished it , You have been weighed in the balances,and found wanting.. Daniel 5:26-27
Never quite understand the doomer mentality. I understand the need to reign in excess, and I understand how overwhelming it must seem. But I don’t understand the mind that sees no escape. Case in point, Illinois. Was headed off a cliff. Broken beyond repair. Legislature voted in some tax hikes, problem solved. Next
Dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever written. Illinois didn’t solve a fucking thing. They ass raped the taxpayers. More people and businesses will exit the state, just like they have been. The pension liabilities will continue to grow exponentially. You actually think raising taxes by 35% on people and businesses solves something. So you think your savior Trump should raise taxes drastically to solve our deficit problem. Dumbass doesn’t describe your statement sufficiently. Jesse’s wife is dying and you brush it off like it’s nothing. I assume you’re not married.
I had no idea Jesse’s wife was dying. Leave it at that
Clsterfcker, his first line is: “I do believe that the queen and I are in the endgame now. She requires constant watching and care, and I rarely leave her side.”
HF shared a story where his wife descends the staircase like a queen; it makes sense that Jesse is not talking about Prince Charles’ mom, he is referring to his wife.
And that there.
starfucker said:
“But I don’t understand the mind that sees no escape.”
and then
“I had no idea Jesse’s wife was dying.”
I think I see your problem. You can’t see the subtle clues and nuances in what is going on all around you. Jesse used the first five paragraphs to talk about his wife dying. Reading comprehension is not your strong suit. You’re basically in denial too.
It’s not that “doomers” see no escape. They see no one in power that will allow an escape. If you pay attention to the clues, escape is exactly the opposite of what they want to allow.
I love your optimism dude but I think it only exists because you can’t read between the lines and see the scale of the problem facing the world. What is happening is tsunami like in it’s inevitability. By the time most people see it coming it will far too late but that won’t slow it down.
EDIT: See Articles of Confederation comment just below for independent confirmation.
Look, I stepped in it. Missed the obvious. Happens. My bad. Spare me the lecture.
cl-starfcker, when have you seen anybody step in it and get off scot-free just for saying, ‘my bad’?
Did you not read sensetti’s comment that folks here will discuss your mom’s discharge like it was a matter of national security?
Star,
You did not offer respect for Jesse’s
distress, and his wife’s suffering.
You stepped in it. Jesse’s wife has
been very ill for some time.
Know what? You are forgiven.
You didn’t know…and you responded
with sarc to the ignorant bliss stuff/
not everyone got it.
Jesse, prayers for you and your wife
and your son. I was the nurse that
chose the “hospice” patients. Most
often they were all alone. I chose to
sit with them, easy to do, they weren’t
alone with me. Many nurses were very
uncomfortable around a dying patient.
Plus, we were psych. Docs lied (depression) to get people on our unit.
Jesse you are a hero and a role model.
I know your wife and son think you
are the best. Me too.
Suzanna
Thank you, Suzanna
Not a lecture, just an honest observation.
We can fight that one another day, IS. I’m going to do the respectful thing and bail on this one
Not fighting or lecturing……..it’s called observing.
Before this cowardly surrender by 15 RINOS in Illinois, the state already has an income tax of 3.9%, sales tax of 8-11% depending on what city or county, the highest property tax in the US, and higher by orders of magnitude than the neighboring states, unemployment and workmen’s comp taxes. If you employ 100 people in manufacturing, you can take home an extra $1 million per year by moving your factory across the street to Indiana. Or any of the other surrounding states.
The corporate tax is also making a large jump and there is no reform to be found in any of these brilliant pieces of legislation. If John Deere, CAT and ADM leave, the Democrat warlord Madigan will try to raise taxes even higher. To protect middle class families as he likes to say.
Too much theory, Jake, not enough reality. If you have a big plant in Illinois, and it’s paid for and humming along, you’re not destroying that money machine over that puny little tax hike. Do you know what would be inolved with moving a decent sized business? The expense, disruption of your cashflow, what about your trained workforce? One of my friends has a plant in Belleville, the dims there are so rabid one quit his job and went to DC to shoot Steve Scalise. He rolls his eyes at the absurdity of breaking camp and heading to a lower tax state. The 1.2 per cent increase in personal tax rate will cost him 12 grand for every million he pays himself. The horror. And he lives in Florida, a zero tax state. I don’t think Illinois is even in the top half of income tax rates. Raising revenue balances a budget just as well as cutting spending. We don’t have to like it, that’s why we don’t live in blue states.
Facts are inconvenient to a false storyline.
http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/why-illinois-lost-more-residents-than-any-other-state-in-2016/article/2611837
No false storyline, Jim. It’s a shithole, like most blue states. Belleville is right next door to East St. Louis, which makes Chicago look like a safe zone. But no business owner in their right mind is going to move an industrial plant over a 1.2 per cent tax hike. Too expensive, too many things could go wrong. And why would you EVER risk inerupting the cash flow of a mature business? You don’t have to grow shit, just maintain. Spare me the doomsday articles from tax cut think tanks, I know the arguments. I believe in low taxes. But look at the growth of GDP in the 60’s, when tax rates were north of 75%. Certainly our problems today have nothing to do with personal income tax rates. Lowering taxes will help. Cutting the growth of government will help. But we need to get back to a production based economy.
No business or entrepreneur is going to open a business in Illinois. Jobs are generated by new businesses, not old ones.
Phila ass rapes me with an almost 4% income tax, on top of the 3.5% I pay PA and the 15% I pay the Feds. Don’t tell me tax rates don’t matter. The thousands I pay to this worthless shithole of a town could be spent in the economy generating real jobs.
Your 1960s bullshit when there was no foreign competition is drivel. Marginal rates were never near 75%. Complete bullshit. The average worker was paying a miniscule amount of income, sales, and property taxes in the 1960s. It’s far far greater today.
Again with your bullshit about production based economy when Llpoh has obliterated that storyline. Any new production will be done by robots. The number of manufacturing jobs continues to stagnate at near all-time low levels.
Just a coincidence Illinois is lowest in job growth.
Businesses never make decisions based on taxes and government regulations.
http://wgntv.com/2017/06/06/the-border-war-how-illinois-is-losing-out-to-surrounding-states/
Ok, let’s examine the two companies profiled. Looks like the Indiana move killed doreens pizza. They EXPANDED, not moved, to a second storefront, so sorry, they’re toast. Hoist got a contract to build forklifts for toyota, so they EXPANDED, not moved, into East Chicago, Indiana. Deepest darkest africa. These are businesses within a mile of the state line. Now years later, Hoist is still headquartered in Chicago. The guys who run it aren’t moving anywhere. Looks like Pence gave away the store to get them into one of obongo’s empowerment zones. East Chicago is a suburb of Gary. Looks like Hoist has trouble keeping employees because they have to live fifty miles away to be reasonably safe.
Doth protest too much.
Your narrative is bullshit.
Taxes matter bigly.
Star – you keep digging the hole deeper. I know a bit about manufacturing, you see. And the reasons to move out of Illinois are real, and ever moreso. I have moved a few plants in my career. For fewer reasons than exist in Illinois.
If a company has the cash, or can raise it, they will bail, if they are a national, and not a local supplier. And for good reason. If they do not have the cash, they are screwed and doomed to die a lingering death.
They exodus out of Illinois will accelerate.
Stick to stuff you know, because false narratives get eaten around here.
No false narrative here. My buddy’s plant is paid for, and he and his ex own it outright. He’s not about to upset the apple cart over 1.2 per cent. It’s lunch money. He doesn’t have to answer to a board, or shareholders, why in his right mind would he do anything but keep it on cruise control? Some people don’t have a special hatred for taxes, it’s an expense, nothing more, and it is what it is. I hate taxes, but I live in a very low tax state and county, and get some other breaks due to ag. I don’t know how I would deal with the Philly situation Jim describes. Red states want to balance by cutting taxes and spending. Look at what a disaster that turned out for Kansas. Total failure. It’s not the answer to everything. Blue states want to balance by raising taxes. I don’t like it, but I don’t live there. You haven’t heard any outcry from Illinois. They balanced the budget. On the backs of their taxpayers. And they will keep electing dimocrats. They seem to be fine with it.
Star – they balanced the budget? Hahahaha! You are funny.
I made a career out of deciding such things as when to close plants and move them. I have moved and shut plants in this general area, preferencing greener pastures. Your buddy makes his own decisions. One example is not an analysis.
There are many reasons manufacturing will continue to flee Illinois, at an accelerating rate. Higher taxes is certainly one. Highest property taxes another. Unions. High wages. Corruption. Decaying infrastructure. Etc.
Illinois is fucked.
I agree, Illinois is fucked. There is a reason that there are less and less blue states. People get tired of paying for deadbeats and corruption. But I’m telling you, the Kansas experiment was a huge failure, they went pure Austrian. Didn’t work, all they do is dig themselves a deep hole.
http://www.businessinsider.com/kansas-experiment-with-tax-cutting-failed-on-its-own-terms-2017-6 Again, we may not like how Illinois treats it’s taxpayers, but it is a very rich state. 5th in GDP, 15th in GDP per capita. It can bleed a little without disaster. And the dimocrats there are diehards.
We have traded ideas for years. Our wives have similar trajectories. Our faith is the ultimate hold. God bless you. Thank you for the light. Anytime write to me.todd
HF, I have enjoyed your insightful writing for sometime. Goodbyes are such heartbreaking things. It is good to know that you and your charming wife are in Our Father’s special care and keeping. I will hold you both in my thoughts and prayers.
I think HF’s wife is fine. Maybe I confused readers when I mentioned the story of the staircase.
Those two remind me of Little House on the Prairie. There was the episode about a ghost in a haunted house and the one about the truck was a gripping tale. Farmer’s a regular MC Hammer with his Waltons stories.
“What is going to happen is approaching with a kind of inevitability. And I have no more time or patience left for debating this with people whose minds are closed. Still, times like this show us who are our real friends, like stars in the night, and in some of the unlikeliest places.”
For those of us going through similarly difficult times, this is more profound than one might imagine. My wife’s doctor told her that she will be extremely surprised by who is there for her in the darkest of times. But she will be equally surprised by who is not there.
I’m also exhausted with trying to explain to reasonably intelligent people what should be self-evident. In fact, I’ve found the economic truths of our age seem to be more self-evident to those closest to the Earth, rather than those in white collar gigs. These might seem to be two topics of discussion where commingling is inappropriate. Well, try sitting in a hospital and taking your mind off the suffering of a loved one. It is not an easy task and a lot of thoughts cross your mind.
Machiavelli was sure right about some things. “Anyone who studies present and ancient affairs will easily see how in all cities and all peoples there still exist, and have always existed, the same desires and passions. Thus, it is an easy matter for him who carefully examines past events to foresee future events in a republic and to apply the remedies employed by the ancients, or, if old remedies cannot be found, to devise new ones based upon the similarity of the events. But since these matters are neglected or not understood by those who read, or, if understood, remain unknown to those who govern, the result is that the same problems always exist in every era.”
“Having eyes do you not see? And having ears, do you not hear? And do you not remember?” Mark 8:18
“That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest they should come to Me and be healed.” Mark 4:12
“And in the end, the only real tragedy is not to be a saint.”
Amen to that friend. God bless you and your wife. I’ll keep you both in my prayers.
Baked in for sure brother, great post. I pray that you and your wife find strength in this time of trouble. (Psalm 46:1)
Jesse,
Many people here will be praying for you and your family. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us. You are never truly alone.
Jesse, The wife and I have read your cafe americana for years, you have freely given much sage and sound advice. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you in your time of trouble.
I can only offer my own dear Poppa Grooch’s final tribute to his own dear wife of 60-several years, recorded and transcribed by me for the purpose of having it read at his darling wife’s funeral, although, to keep his heart unbroken for the telling, he thought it was for Mother’s Day, which was the very same weekend. It was transcribed to be read at the funeral by my husband, whose father thought he was away on a business trip. When he returned from his mother’s funeral and we told him she’d passed away, it was tragic. He lived two more months before we placed him beside her.
When I let him read the “Mother’s Day” story I told him was to be mailed in a lovely card he signed in his shaky hand, he told me to buy her two dozen yellow roses. So, I did. They were added to the red roses already in place on the casket.
Memories of Marge originally titled Happy Mother’s Day to Marge
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It all started because her sister was working at the same place I was working. We got to talking and kind of set up a time to have a date. But, when I went up there, Esther wasn’t there. Marge was there in the kitchen, ironing, and that is where I first seen her. So I knew Lillian, who lived next door and I sat on the porch and talked to Lillian for an hour or two. (Dad shrugs.) Hey Esther wasn’t there. (Dad laughs.)
After that, I would see them on the streets and say how you doing and start talking, you know. And that there, I met her mother and her brother and so forth like that. So then it went on like that for almost a year and I got drafted. But about a week after my father died, her father died and so I went to the funeral there. What do you do? That’s the way it goes.
Dad had passed away at the end of December, but his was more work related. He was a smith worker and everything like that, plaster and all that crap. They didn’t use respirators at that time. And that there. (Dad trails off.)
So that’s how it starts out with Marge and me. And then I went to the service and come home on a furlough. Nothing to do and I said I gotta get somebody. So I ran into Mary and was talking to Mary. Yeah, she says, they got a dance at the German club in a couple days and I’ll ask my sister Marge if she wants to go with you. I said “Good” and that’s how we started out on that there. Was it love at first sight then? Yeah, I think it was love at first sight. She was wearing a light pastel color dress, you know. Not a flouncy fancy dress, but a trim little simple dress cause she usually had to go to the kid’s store to get her dresses. (Dad chuckles.) Unless she made them and people didn’t have a lot of money back then you know. So that’s how we started out.
We waltzed and did polkas because it was a German club you know. One thing led to another and before you know it I said let’s get married. (Dad laughs that grumbly laugh of his.)
We always tried to go see Jerry Vale whenever he was in town. We went to the Music Carnival in Cleveland to see him on the big round stage. Marge loved Jerry Vale. I don’t remember her favorite songs but I remember that when he would sing Italian songs, everybody would go wild and we’d yell “Hey Jerry Hey.” And he got used to seeing us there and he’d wave back. (Dad waves arms and grins.) So every time he came to town we tried to go see him. She liked that I think.
She was always good with the kids and I never could complain about that there. Like me and the kids used to say ah well it’s your mother. I wouldn’t complain about anything you know on that there. Just as we get older we all get naggier I guess. It was just ma. (Dad chuckles and shrugs.)
I think the most fun we had was working on the boat we had. We worked together on the boat and we did everything on the boat on that there. She was always ready to help. She was. She’d sand on the boat or the deck. Sometimes she’d cook and we’d just carry it the whole meal out to the boat just to eat it on the boat.
We started with a 12 foot boat, then a 16 foot boat and went to a 30 foot boat. We hadda fix ‘em up and that there. I used to take her and Victor, cause uh, they’d wanna go out on the lake at night. (Dad shrugs) If the lake was calm, we’d check the weather and if the wind was coming from the south going north across the lake, it would make the lake nice and smooth. So we’d take the boat out and go about ten miles to Vermillion and get coffee. Then get back on the boat, turn the boat around and come back. Victor was about 5 or 6, I think, at that time. Then I got a bigger boat, but the bigger boat got too expensive. When gas went to a dollar a gallon, sheesh… there was no way I’d fill a 100 gallon tank. (Dad laughs and shrugs.)
Now, all you could do is park the boat with prices what they are! Yeah, we had some good days, some good times on that there.
(Dad gets quiet and sad). She was happiest when she had something to do. And when she had the strength to do it. I think part of this last episode is she just felt she don’t have the strength to carry on and do what she wanted to be doing.
[Last comments to her, Dad?]
I still love her. It’s the truth. It’s that there. (Dad whispers) Life is life. Truth.
She gave me three beautiful sons and 60 years. We all got our little idiosyncrasies, so you know what I mean? She gave me that much and you gotta give her credit for it and that there. Yeah, you know. Life is life.
(Recorded and transcribed by Maggie for Poppa Grooch, May 1, 2012)
Jesse, one of the best things I ever managed to do was to get a little digital recorder and take the old family albums into his room and let him tell me all about the families living in the Italian section of Cleveland “back then.” When my husband and I went to Cleveland for a visit earlier this year, we listened to his father tell us about the pictures as we drove along. I appreciate your comments about the treacherous times ahead, but my heart is touched by your consideration for your queen. Perhaps, when your queen of heaven joins Poppa Grooch and the gang, she will be able to tell him Maggie is still chasing moonbeams.
I had this image etched onto granite and we placed it on their gravesite in April.
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As I sit here with watery eyes I’m thinking if Brokaw didn’t get anything else right in his life, he did get it right when he called them the Greatest Generation. I’d like to believe he’s up there swapping Army stories with my father and others. And that there.
Definitely and that there.
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About a month ago, my husband and my son travelled to Cleveland for a wedding I opted out of attending to give the “boys” a final together time as my son enters his final year of college. (Well, hopefully. He dropped a class last semester, unbeknownst to me. “nuf said. He’s a grown man.)
Nick took roses out to the gravesite and took a picture of the etching we placed in April. In case you wonder? We did NOT ask the people in the office if we could place the block upon which we bonded the etching plate. We figured that if there is one little plat of earth that the Lord will back us up on belonging to my Poppa G, it is that one.
The block settled a bit, but all in all, Nick and I did a good job with the gravel and a small trowel.
Jesse, this is not meant to detract from the love you hold for your beloved or the sadness you feel at her impending loss. I am just moved to remember our own transition from caregivers to rememberers.
By the way, “we” lost Victor, the youngest of the three sons, the week before Thanksgiving the year Nick and I married. He was only 28 years old. It was a tragedy from which Nick’s mother never recovered.
I am so sorry to hear of your wife’s illness. Please take care of yourself, caregivers need rest the most. God bless you both as you go on this journey, my prayers are with you.
I can’t imagine why Jesse is even bothering to write right now unless it’s just for the distraction. Being in attendance for my father’s passing was the last place I wanted to be but it was the only place I could be.
“There is a kind of a peacefulness amidst all this turmoil that at times seems almost beautiful.”
Absolutely true. Although it lasted far longer than a moment, his passing was an almost incomprehensible “perfect moment”. Once he knew the end was nigh he held on until my brother arrived from DC, then he spent a couple hours saying his goodbyes, rested and quietly flipped off the lights before stepping out. With insight that can only come from knowing him my whole life it was perfectly “dad like”, almost as if he planned it that way. It was amazing and strangely beautiful. I’m grateful to have been a part of it.
I sincerely hope I pass before my wife because I suspect losing her will be far more difficult.
Ditto, IS
I was at my father’s bedside for two months, and then buried him in 1986. It’s an experience that is sacred to anyone who has known it. My prayers to Jesse. He is truly one of the Legends on the interwebs.
Sometimes I feel like I want to pass first, to be spared the pain of losing my wife. Other times I hope she is the first to go, to be spared the pain of losing me. There’s no winning.
Jesse, we’ve never met but I know your pain. There aren’t any really good ways to go, but it’s the journey, not the (physical) destination.
May you and your queen find the peace of God and the angels beyond the valley; I wish you a reward that befits your efforts, here and there as well.
Red Skelton said it best, “Good Night and May God Bless.”
I can not bear to think about my husband dying.
Maggie,
Here in our tiny community, several of the older
and leaning Baptist/Mennonite farmers say…
“and on that there” and variations. It is charming.
Smart of you to treasure the old man…your husband
must be super pleased you did that there.
Suzanna
What does that expression mean?
EC,
It is just a colloquialism…a way of ending
a sentence. Old farmer type talk.
Poppa G had three sons. At the end of his life, he got a daughter and there were so many times that Nick would say “my father never would have done/said that before” and I would say “and that is why I’m taking care of him now.”
EC? it is a charming substitute for “and uh” or “and so on” or “more along that line.”
My dear friend, someone known since age 7, is in the final stage of Alzheimer’s. She has been in a care facility for two years, and her husband has visited her every day except for two brief out-of-town absences. She no longer knows him, but his devotion is unwaverable in a situation that must be one variant of hell on earth.
Every day I pray for her spirit to remain at peace while her brain is ravaged. So far she has shown none of the agitation that characterizes late stage Alzheimer’s. I like to believe that at a primitive level she retains the capacity to feel the love and devotion that her long life partner brings to her daily.
It has taken me a lifetime to really grasp how love is eternal, ever unbound by space or time. It may change form with the changes in our existence, but it can never disappear.
I appreciate your sharing Jesse’s reflections, Admin. Periodically it’s good to be reminded what really matters, and it isn’t the Federal Reserve.
I shared my father’s passing (in a hospital, awake and aware, against his wishes) when it happened a few years back.
My mother is 92; I think she actually wants to go. Her body is, she says, “wearing out around the edges”; both knees are poor, one really poor, and they HURT. She saw her mother go in a nursing home, where the staff stole anything worth anything that was left in her room. Momma BeBe didn’t notice, any more than she noticed anything else, as she was coiled into a fetus with end-stage Alzheimer’s; it really is hell, punishing often-innocent people beyond any possible crime. It also punishes their loved ones.
Back to my Mom, she is alert, fairly smart and watches the TV and understands what she watches. Right now she is living in my sister’s house, with a few things from back home for comfort and convenience, waiting for the Reaper. She likes my sister & her husband, doesn’t want to be a burden and would rather be back home living out her days, but she can’t get around and would totally alone if a medical problem arose that WASN’T necessarily fatal; and losing her to something like that is not what she deserves.
In a sane society, she would be back home with her kids and grandkids, enjoying her last days surrounded by loving care, support and a family doctor with a syringe for her last moments, if she chose it. Instead, her kids and grandkids had to go elsewhere to find jobs to support them; she has outlived all the family doctors except one who is retired; and she wants no more to do with medicine than absolutely necessary, to the point she won’t tell her current doctor about the “sproing!” in her back that apparently has left a hard lump on either side of the spine. It sounds to me like a herniated disc, which might even be treatable; but old folks on the operating table don’t always wake up again, and she would rather live with that pain than risk consequences such as paralysis or permanent incontinence.
She called the ambulance when she couldn’t let Dad go; and then spent that horrid week of suffering, pain and denial when Dad wanted to go home to die but the medics wouldn’t let him. I think she has some guilt from that, and surely wants none of the same for herself.
We really need to figure out end-of-life solutions that work. I don’t want her to leave, but I don’t want her to suffer either. I want whatever SHE wants; but when an old woman can’t rely on her wishes being carried out by her doctors, to the point she won’t seek treatment for her conditions, then something is wrong and it needs fixing.
“Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” – Susan Ertz . Well, my mother has known (and known what to do with) many rainy Sunday afternoons, and I wish her many more – but only those she wants to know. I hope she gets to leave on her own terms, and that the Reaper knows how to treat a lady.
This post hits home for me. It really does.
My younger brother ( 46 ) died Friday at 6:36 pm in Flower hospitals Hospice center. He was as a few here would call one of the ” deluded idiots “. He was a National guardsman for 23 years and was activated one time by the Govoner for the Lucasville Riots and 2 times for the endless war on terror. Of course he was under the impression that if he was called up for war then there would actually be a declared war. Congress and his Govoner let him down.
My brother was also a police officer for 21 years. Patrolman and swat member. Over 100 felony door breaches and he never shot anyone. Well trained and motivated to be the guy who stands in front of everyone else who can not stand.
We will have a full military honore funeral Thursday. Someone tell Fred. Would love to see him there. We could ” talk “.
Sorry to hear that Jimski. I could do without my middle brother but my youngest brother is more than family…he’s a friend. Nobody makes me laugh more.
JIMSKI
I’m sorry you have to say goodbye to your brother far too soon. I pray for your comfort and peace.
Much peace and love during this most difficult time. I too know about the dying process…I am a nurse…caring for my 98 1/2 year old Mom. Everyday is a gift…we forget how precious life is by getting caught up in the noise. What matters most is the connections you have made in life and the lives you have touched. When all is said and done, it’s not about how much jingle you have in your pocket. We were born with nothing and we leave the same way…hugs
My Poppa’s nurse during his last months grew fond of him. She was on vacation when he told the doctor he wanted to stop taking life-extending medications. He had the paperwork in place to do that without our permission.
I called his nurse when the doctor told me. She came in from her vacation time to see him. When she came through the door, Poppa greeted her with the regular greeting he had for all his female attendants at the home: “Hey goodlookin’… are you married?”
She didn’t roll her eyes and tell him he was being silly that day. She told him “Not today you handsome devil. I’m not married today.”
People who think end of life caregivers do not really CARE don’t grasp how very hard the decisions they make concerning their elderly charges really are. I stop by the home once in a while when visiting OKC. But, when you are “in the trenches” at an end of life facility it is different from “just visiting.” I think most of you understand what I mean.
Connected spirits transcend time, even death. If one must go on to another realm, they’re also still here, alive and beating in the heart of the other.
Connected spirits transcend time, even death. When one must go on to another realm, they’re very much still here, alive and beating in the heart of the other.
It was worth an accidental repeat.
I am reminded by Viktor Frankl’s book “Man’s Search for Meaning”. He was a survivor of the Nazi death camps and wondered how can people survive the impossible?
° For the love of another.
° In memory of another.
° To complete another’s unfinished work.
All based on love. Only love can overcome the impossible.
God speed.
Close, TZ, but no cigar.
All you need is love – John Lennon
Your attitude determines your altitude – preacher
http://www.logotherapyinstitute.org/About_Logotherapy.html
Jesse and his dear loved one:
We who follow you have known for some time that your beloved Queen approaches heaven’s gate. We wish you both Godspeed on this last great adventure. And remember, love abides. We carry it with us and inside us. We all, in this ragged, rude community out here in cyberspace, take you both in our arms. We love you.
a great comment Sue.
Is Jesse the same person as Jesse’s cafe American? I enjoy that web sight writings as well.I am sorry about your beloved Queen,God Bless.
Yes
1 Thess 4:13-18
But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.
15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep.
16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first:
17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.
18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words.
Romans 3:23-29
23For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;
26 To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.
27 Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.
28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.
29 Is he the God of the Jews only? is he not also of the Gentiles? Yes, of the Gentiles also:
1 Corinthians 15:1-4
1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
To Jesse, peace be with you…and especially to your wife as well.
Remember that we are only temporarily in physical form. Our real “home” is not in a human body but as spiritual beings.
Phil 4:4-6 is my wife’s favorite passage. It’s beautiful. Best of luck to you, what a trying time I’m sure it is. Faith is all we have in this evil world…