Christmas Gifts for the STM that Has Everything
Most of my commutes are spent driving in silence. It’s time to think. But not every train of thought is deep, in fact, truth be told, many are pretty shallow. I admit, the mind wanders a fair bit.
Sometimes I think of you people. The other day as I drove I began to think of what song/video would best represent each person’s TBP persona. I thought about doing a post on it just for fun but decided that, given the season, it would be better to find the best Christmas gift for each poster. So here they are.
Gifts for the STM that has everything…
BL
A proper car seat for his Yorkie. Nothing says love like a safety seat for man’s best friend.
Hardscrabble Farmer
A little light reading.
El Coyote
Because it’s the 21st Century. Forward…
LLPOH
I like this because it’s practical. You can use it to dispatch an enemy or make peace with them. It goes with everything no matter what the situation.
Rise Up
What else would you buy him?
Yojimbo
Because breaking through the Maginot line in the living room on the way to the coffee maker from the bathroom requires some serious blitzkrieg style footwear.
Starfcker
Because taking the other side of the argument can get a little messy around here.
nkit
Yes. You asked for it.
Zara
Robert Gore
Because some days it’s not easy understanding it. Must share with Hardscrabble when finished.
Maggie
Suggested by someone named Peter C.
Stucky
It was this or a Fleshlight (TM). The horn won out because getting in touch with your roots is more important than touching your root.
Billah’s Wife
Do it yourself crystal meth kit. Portable Edition for the busy white trash soccer mom.
Admin
For his morning commutes. To help preserve his vocal chords. I’m nothing if not thoughtful.
Merry Christmas one and All!
First!
Merry Christmas TBP!
HSF….Appropriate and hilarious
edit 12:43 P.M.: holy sheet; my screen name got changed and I did Not go to WordPress and change it.
Awesome!
Mazel tov
I don’t want to sound ungrateful but flat bread and flour tortillas are as alike as Canadians and Americans eh? I’m re-gifting my flat-bread maker to Zara. Hey, Z, want a pita bread press?
EC
It does look like it might work for Persian bread.
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Technically it does both (it is multi purpose and thus more useful). And now you’ve hurt my feeling (I only have one) by regifting it. I won’t forget this for next year.
Ha! Zara likes my idea. We will have a naughty Santa event at work shortly. I could have used your ideas for a gift.
Please don’t be mad at me. I would like to take the Russia ticket if for no other reason than I don’t want us to lose the Death Nurse.
Thanks Francis. This morning when I was preparing the boys some pancetta with juniper berries for breakfast, I actually was thinking about their safety in the car. But then I realized that a harness like that might wrinkle their clothing, so it’s not happening.
Starfcker the dodgy deranged doggy doppler strikes again at 1:28pm. I got you something personal Star, FedEx will deliver it Christmas eve. Never mind the loud ticking sound.
Thanks Francis, you know I really do have everything…………BUT A GD YORKIE. Well, at least I made the list. You must have remembered my wish was to make the list.
One thing I do have here are wonderful friends ! Merry Christmas to one and all.
Thanks again to Admin for not throwing me out of the joint.
Well, if it’s bb delivering you might want to give him a wide berth. According to the US postal service (and the evening news), his new brakes haven’t made it yet.
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Can’t speak for anyone else Bea, but my intention is to retire the Yorkie Doppel. It lasted a year, I hope we all got some laughs out of it, but now I have to think of something even more diabolical. You’ve been a great sport, I’ll bet you are a good friend and neighbor to all who know you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
You’re a pussy Starfcker…You limp noodle…
Shove it up your schnitzel nutkit. Oh yeah, Merry Christmas!
I got your schnitzel hanging.. Merry Christmas Dickhead…
You guys would fit right in with my crew.
Merry Christmas Star !!
Go ahead with something more diabolical but it better be funny. Some of the Yorkie material was a hoot. In real life everyone loves Old Bea even babies and dogs and they can sort out goodness from evil real quick.
No Christmas present for little bb or big BB ? ? less .
Not to worry we still Got Stucky .And now that we know Duchman has a Million dollar house on the lake with plenty of room ?????It’s great having friends . Especially rich ones.
I didn’t forget you. The brakes are in the mail. Give little bb a pat on the head for me.
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Very nice! Loved your little writeups.
I will be gifting you this picture below … professionally framed for $500 … “When a giraffe sees Francis Marion”
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ROTFL! I’ll proudly hang it in my office. You can get my mailing address from Admin.
I love it, and I did, indeed, ask for it. It should provide hours of fun..Thanks. I’ll leave some cookies and milk out for you.
I like peanut butter chocolate chip. Thank you.
Will have to look up STM. No idea what it means.
Merry Christmas.
Guatemala, Honduras, Israel, Marshal Islands, Micronesia, Palau, Togo, and the United States, Unite Together and Vote Against UN Resolution 377 Today Condemning the US Trumpeted Annoncement That Jerusalem is the Capital of Israel – Andrea Iravani
Important reading for newbies regarding how things work around here. Merry Christmas and welcome.
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Very funny.
Frances,
Thank you so much for the thoughtful gift. It’s already cheered me up. I checked its sales ranking on Amazon, and it’s even lower than my books. I’ll be sure to post a review on TBP when I finish it. Per your instructions, sort of, I’ll swap it with Hardscrabble for a bottle of syrup.
Just read this post and thread. LMAO!! Those are great, FM.
But you forgot yourself:
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Because hunting in daylight is too lame for the Canadian Fox.
And me:
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Because the future’s so bright.
BTW, yes, those are Ray-Bans. And, yes, Admin, does have my address. ?
I carry Smith optics. Sorry I couldn’t help you. 🙂
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And just like that, FM turns into Topper Harley, moose hunter.
Just my luck. Oakley was my 2nd choice. Oh well.
On another note, I texted my oldest brother this afternoon to wish him a Merry Christmas and he sent me this link back:
http://www.ibtimes.com/men-having-older-brothers-more-likely-be-gay-says-study-2627246?utm_content=bufferabd80&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Sigh.
These are my personal favorites when it comes to shades:
https://www.persol.com/usa/steve-mcqueen
While everyone’s in the Christmas spirit, I’d like to give a shout out to Jim@Admin and the rest of the STMs at TBP. Peace and Good Tidings….
8LZpBjnOMYY
You too steve. hohoho
“It was this or a Fleshlight (TM). The horn won out because getting in touch with your roots is more important than touching your root.”
Clearly FM did not consult with the Stookmeister before writing the above. I’m fairly certain that in the Stucky brain, noting is more important than touching your root. 😉
Here is shit that is easy and safe to throw..doesn’t even make much of a mess and can be bought via the Walmart link.
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Oh, here I was feeling bad that Maggoo was too busy to post and then I find her flirting with Steve Austin. I give up on compliments, I shall go back to negging the Talihina trifler.
Talahina trifler?
Love the slippers! Are they 88’s?
All I want for Christmas is two Giraffe backstraps… Please Santa….
Merry Christmas all!
Merry Christmas, everyone, in case I don’t get back here before it’s over. Here’s hoping for a wonderful new year with plenty of criminals going to jail and Q being right.
HoHoHo, that sounds like something that the CIA would say, standing next to a limousine.
What is the difference between organized crime and the CIA?
Organized crime is organized and the CIA is disorganised.
Congress Concerned Over National Security Threat of Hezbollah Threatening CIA Drug Racket – Andrea Iravani
Deep State Beat Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1976-1977 Losing Streak, and Things Will Keep Getting Worse – Andrea Iravani
You are now officially on the naughty list. No soup for you!
Merry Christmas everyone!
Well except for Ms. Iraqi and her shameless promotion.
There might still be time for your redemption.
For fuck sakes Andrea! The very least can you look up once in a while and smile.
Being a pal and hoping you take my advice
Lest yet you fuck with STM’s and you roll the dice.
Owing to fact that I suppose that you are a newbie
While you are here please don’t leave us your dookies.
Mentioning that because the plugs for your blog bore me.
Every once in a while could you oblige. Leave us alone and make us happy…..