If there is one outfit every kid could pick for their mom, it would definitely be a crop top. Regardless of how it fits, every child just loves nothing more than mom walking around full gut out.
You’re at a rave, the ecstasy is banging hard, everyone is gorgeous and just living it up. Then they turn the lights on and you look around at everyone wondering wtf?!?!
Girl, you’re gonna need a map just to find your way in that deep cavern and locate a piece of your shorts to tug back out.
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Looks like the glovebox of my wife’s car. Oh, did you cut your femoral artery while driving? Here’s a vascular clamp I keep in my car for such an occasion. Always be prepared.
Not the protection I was telling you to wear but I suppose it will generate the same result.
La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha, something, something, something, Walmart.
Lookin’ like Oscar the Grouch trying out new places on House Hunters.
Introducing “Will go buy tampons for your girlfriend so you don’t have to” Man…In related news Marvel just announced he is getting his own $28 billion dollar movie trilogy with 4 spin-offs already signed on for his sidekicks.
It’s like a Minion came to life and took human form….waaaaay less funnier in human form. Muuuuuch creepier.
You know what I liked about The Secret Life of Pets? Nothing really, but for this joke, I liked that it was a secret. Meaning to lead that secret life they had to be left at home. It’s ok to leave them at home. It’s not ok for Louis C.K.’s character to show everyone his red rocket though. That’s bad. That’s a bad dog.
Jobs are tough.
I guess that camo will come in handy when you’re being hunted inside the Pepto-Bismol factory.
See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart
On the first one, ‘full gut out’ she looks edentulous. And a tramp stamp. But hey, at least she covered up the arm tattoo that says BJ’s 4 Dubsacks
JOTD…
running late today…duty called.
(have to do a reprise, from a late night post earlier in the week. So, some monkeys might have seen this one already on a semi-boring post that only caught 10 comments. If so, then move along. Nothing new to read. But, there were only 3 thumbs, so, I’m guessing there were fewer eyeballs that day, or this one’s not that good. AND, I’m running on fumes with available material, unlike the bounty of nkit .gif files, a hard act to follow.) Anyhoo,
How’d You Meet Frank?
A bloke walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by.
As he gets into the taxi, the Cabbie says, “Perfect timing! You’re just like Frank.”
Passenger: “Who?”
Cabbie: “Frank Feldman…He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”
Cabbie: “Wait…there’s more! He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which utensil to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.”
Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then!’
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothes were always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman!”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: ‘Well… I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his f***ing wife.”
Don’t hold out on us. Keep ’em coming…thanks
test response
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Don’t it work that way? You pour your heart out and get two thumbs up, kokodada parrots Rush Limbo and gets 50 thubs up, life ain’t fair!
Astounding says it all. This series is particularly special in terms of people letting go to the point of absolute absurdity. Amazing without question.
La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Que ya no puede caminar
Porque no tiene
Porque le falta
La marijuana que fumar
The critical line is the last one….especially if you are planning a trip to Walmart.
Admin, are you checking IDs, I suspect somebody ( I won’t name names) is illegal. The place is starting to smell like a taco stand.
I don’t know Spanish, but I do know how to use the internet to look up song lyrics. Any song about cockroaches that exclaims the utility of marijuana is a fine song in my book, regardless of the language it is written/sung in.
Carry on, Sir!
“Y I L E D”= Jewish crosswalk