QOTD

What’s One Of The Best Pieces Of Life Advice You’ve Received?

Some examples:

Image result for funny best advice

funny-fortune-cookie-borrow-money

Image result for funny best advice

Image result for funny best advice

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
190 Comments
splurge
splurge
August 14, 2018 4:41 pm

In God we trust, all others pay cash. The trick is remembering you’re one of the others.

Tommy
Tommy
August 14, 2018 4:54 pm

Live life like you’re the 3rd lion boarding Noah’s ark, and the rain fall has begun.

robert h siddell jr
robert h siddell jr
August 14, 2018 5:10 pm

The best “advice” was to become a Christian.

grace country pastor
grace country pastor
  robert h siddell jr
August 14, 2018 9:51 pm

Amen brother. Romans 5:8…

Mustang
Mustang
  robert h siddell jr
August 15, 2018 1:48 pm

PREACH!!!

NickelthroweR
NickelthroweR
August 14, 2018 5:18 pm

All things move in waves. Ride the wave.

Anonymous
Anonymous
August 14, 2018 5:23 pm

“If you play in the alley, you are going to get dirty” My Grandfather

javelin
javelin
August 14, 2018 5:26 pm

This life is not a trial run and is much too short to be miserable.

and in the same vein…………….. Make time to start all of the things you have “always wanted to do” or “been meaning to try/do someday”. You don’t want to be old or on your death bed wishing you had visited Machu Pichu, the Pyramids or the Holy Land–or wished you had learned French/German/Portuguese etc..or you always wanted to learn to play the guitar or piano….or you always wished you could chuck the 9 to 5 and live a simple life as a homesteader somewhere…etc, etc..

Llpoh
Llpoh
  javelin
August 14, 2018 11:30 pm

Life is too short to drink bad booze.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Llpoh
August 15, 2018 2:42 am

What’s bad booze?

Iwasntbornwithenufmiddlefingers
Iwasntbornwithenufmiddlefingers
  Iska Waran
August 15, 2018 7:00 am

Ever had real russian vodka from russia? Cheap stuff tastes like kerosene. Its bad booze. Makes people go blind.

whiskey tango foxtrot
whiskey tango foxtrot
August 14, 2018 5:52 pm

The second time you’re kicked by a mule you don’t learn anything.

….my Uncle Joe who died of lung cancer in 1967.

Lucia
Lucia
August 14, 2018 5:54 pm

Never make your home in a flood plain.
Measure twice, cut once.
Don’t scratch it.
Don’t force it.
Don’t pick it.
Lather, rinse, repeat if necessary.

James
James
  Lucia
August 14, 2018 6:03 pm

When the going get’s tough
Tis time to get going(somewhere else!).

The best advice I can offer folks here tis when to recognize a lie:
Here is one for example:She’s different,she’s not like the other ones!

Llpoh
Llpoh
  Lucia
August 14, 2018 11:29 pm

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

splurge
splurge
  Llpoh
August 15, 2018 11:39 am

Get a bigger hammer

steve
steve
August 14, 2018 6:06 pm

Work hard, play hard, tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they may.

james
james
  steve
August 14, 2018 6:11 pm

Hard work never killed you,
But why take the risk?!

Cricket
Cricket
August 14, 2018 6:12 pm

Life ain’t fair kid. Get used to it.

Unforgotten
Unforgotten
August 14, 2018 6:17 pm

Remember Doug Becker, Swamp Fox, Andrea Iravani, and the Alamo…

Maggie
Maggie
  Unforgotten
August 15, 2018 12:53 pm

You left out Finnegan’s Wake and Left a Comment. Who, by the way, I did NOT scare away.

Mark
Mark
August 14, 2018 6:17 pm

My father told me when I was 17: “If possible…never burn a bridge with an employer or a woman…you never know when you will want to go back to either.”

He was right…I did both…worked one job for 4 years…left for two…came back and worked 7 more years.

Dated a hottie for 6 weeks, left for a pre-planned summer tour of the country in a van, cut the trip short to go back to the hottie…been married 41 years. (Still a hottie.)

Unchained
Unchained
August 14, 2018 6:19 pm

Live large, pay cash, and die broke.

i forget
i forget
August 14, 2018 6:22 pm

believe half of what you see
Son and none of what you hear … & whittle those shortcut fractions from there…negative interest rates can be a beautiful thing, so long as they’re yours – QED, not FED.

~ from a man who was shot dead by his father (advice to be gleaned there, too…)

Al
Al
  i forget
August 14, 2018 6:34 pm

If the front door is bloody red then use the back one but you’ll get dirty…

Also the left does not understand the world they actually live in for their made up world is on in their heads…

comment image

Maggie
Maggie
  i forget
August 15, 2018 1:54 pm

Okay, I’ll bite.

Who is being quoted? The dead guy.

i forget
i forget
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 2:23 pm

Do fish feel pain? Without a doubt. So set the hook with all due gentle hardness, with appreciation, & minimize the suffering of the gift:

Music, that passed thru the dead black male, & then thru the deadening music moguls, is being re-sung (quoted). Music lives on.

Maggie
Maggie
  i forget
August 15, 2018 3:51 pm

That’s a little obscure, even for you.

i forget
i forget
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 4:21 pm

Chiaro(b)scuro, maybe.

Or Zennish, w\o Buddha, who you’re ‘sposed to kill anyway, if you run into him.

Don Juan, injun shaman :: “We only have two alternatives (throw in a continuum, from here to there, at least, Donny!); either we take everything for sure & real, or we don’t. If we follow the first, we end up bored to death with ourselves & with the world. If we follow the second, & erase personal history, we create a fog around us, a very exciting & mysterious state in which nobody knows where the rabbit will pop out, not even ourselves.”

Rabbits. White ones. Possibly with Buddha in their names. There but for the grace of slick go I…& you know about setting those hammer blows gentle hard.

Maggie
Maggie
  i forget
August 15, 2018 4:52 pm

I’m getting worried. After my recent illness and epiphany regarding reality, I seem to speak your language.

I have a Giant Pyrenese named Jacob and not Israel. He and I have been bound since I drove to the northern outskirts of Tulsa to pick him up from the nice lady who taught me to make that wonderful goat cheese. He is my son’s dog, without a doubt, and with him here, the dog has an alertness about him he lacks when it is just Nick and I. However, Jacob and I share a language which he and my son do not speak. We speak the language of his brother, Jason, the “other guy” who died in my arms one rainy night longagofaraway after Jacob came to my side and told his brother he could go. It was one of the most profoundly clear moments of my life. And, yet… is in that fog of which you speak.

JDAWG walks with Jacob and I in our dreams.

If you understand that and aren’t afraid to admit it, i would probably forget it too.

Maggie
Maggie
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 4:55 pm

Cue Full Retard

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 5:17 pm

When my aunt died of cancer, she was quite young, maybe 50 or less. Not long before, her little boy had died of diarrhea – a common cause of death in Juarez – at around age 2 or 3. She was in the hospital dying and my grandfather said he had a dream that she had packed her bags, taken her little boy by the hand and left. My grandfather watched them as they walked off down the street.

i forget
i forget
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 6:39 pm

It’s not mine. I just borrow it, from time to time. But inflection points can punctuate equilibrium. Suddenly, paramecia are Nadia Comanche, scoring 10’s & counting coup. There could be something magical about the northern outskirts of Tulsa, too. Comanches usta’ own that place, didn’t they?

My thing with the animals, humanimals included, is more vibe than language per se’d (I missed the meteor shower the other night.). Radar love, or distaste, as case may be. Whole’r language, maybe.

Most dogs are better people than most people. That facilitates comms.

Ours is a tri mini aussie shepherd. She’s telepathic. I’m telepractic. She dreams, out loud, running in side-saddle place. I mostly toss & turn, but do take hypnagogic trips that give REM a run for the money. We both smile a lot.

Got a Tulsa scene that gives tantric waves a run, 5:38’ish:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pyveahqMlE

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 5:07 pm

I think he is referring to the Pat Boones of the world singing black songs. He blames the moguls who preferred to secure sales rather than credit the authors. It’s not so cryptic. You spoke of dead guys being quoted. The songs of the strange fruit lives on.

i forget
i forget
  Filomeno Reyes
August 15, 2018 6:46 pm

The tail on that coonskin cap’s sposed to be hangin off the back, not twixt the eyes, Daniel. ☻ Unless you’re like the Daniel Elton sang about, in which case, it won’t get in the way.

I don’t blame the moguls. Black holes gotta’ swallow up as much as they can. Was emphasizing the music making its way thru those worms hole gauntlets, coming out the other side.

Pat couldn’t feel it as much. But other whiteboys & girls did & do. Which helped the blackboys & girls, eventually. Black is all the emotional colors in tight pants, puttin’ it out right? Whilst it’s also unfillable holes in bag suits suckin’ it all in.

More disntermediation’d be good. But maybe there’s so much good stuff out there it’d drown the planet were it not for those spigot-gullets pinching off the flow. Dunno. I sing black whenever I want, no labels royals dispensing royalties. Black just wanna be free, man. lol….

Anonymous
Anonymous
  i forget
August 15, 2018 9:37 pm

Literature interpretation is a reader’s right.
Let me tell it my way, you had your chance.

i forget
i forget
  Anonymous
August 16, 2018 9:05 am

Nobody’s interpretation is tighter than yours, EC. I was just clarifying a bit. Whilst riffing the wave of continuous chances. You know.

Maggie
Maggie
  i forget
August 16, 2018 9:24 am

EC? Is iforget in the secret squirrel club?

i forget
i forget
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 9:33 am

IF’s in the IF club. Secreting squirrels might be in the fluctuating province of winken, blinken, & anon.

Maggie
Maggie
  i forget
August 16, 2018 11:52 am

I thought they went to float their boat. Just avoid the See.

i forget
i forget
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 12:59 pm

When the see is “free” the undertow can be sea o’ love seductive.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 11:48 am

Nice try, the club is secret.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  i forget
August 16, 2018 9:42 am

I heard thru the grapevine that Gator is Marvin Gaye.

TampaRed
TampaRed
August 14, 2018 7:08 pm

to relieve most of the stress in your life,resign as general mgr of the world–

willy
willy
August 14, 2018 7:10 pm

esse quam videri—-be rather than seem to be

TampaRed
TampaRed
August 14, 2018 7:15 pm

when i was in my early 20s i was working out of an office where an old man dispensed advice to the young guys–
i didn’t even have a serious girlfriend at the time,much less plans to get married & have kids so i don’t know why it stayed with me but it did & it’s so correct–
there were a couple of guys who’s wives were due to drop at about the same time–
the old man said to them,”boys,never forget that you love those kids…’cause you’re sure as hell not always going to like them.”

Peaceout
Peaceout
August 14, 2018 7:17 pm

Keep your peter out of the payroll.

Grizzly Bare
Grizzly Bare
  Peaceout
August 16, 2018 3:24 am

Don’t get your meat where you make your bread.

PlatoPlubius
PlatoPlubius
August 14, 2018 7:23 pm

comment image

James
James
  PlatoPlubius
August 14, 2018 7:36 pm

If at first you don’t succeed
Give up or at least set realistic goals!

PlatoPlubius
PlatoPlubius
August 14, 2018 7:34 pm

comment image

Anonymous
Anonymous
August 14, 2018 7:44 pm

Smartest dog in the field can’t remove barbed porcupine quills from it’s cheek, son.
Pick yer battles with sharper wit.
Some critters best left alone.

Llpoh
Llpoh
  Anonymous
August 14, 2018 11:26 pm

Some things can only be learned by experience. You can tell some folks not to pick the cat up by the tail, and they just have to find out why.

PlatoPlubius
PlatoPlubius
August 14, 2018 7:59 pm

One of my favorite comedians of all time right up there with Robin Williams and George Carlin…
Christopher Titus is an inspiration. ALL of his stand up specials will have you crying your laughing so hard. I highly recommend him if you’ve never heard of him.

comment image

Fleabaggs
Fleabaggs
August 14, 2018 8:05 pm

If you don’t have a plan you’re gonna die. You can’t change your mind if it’s not made up.

A stiff prick has no conscience.

Maggie
Maggie
  Fleabaggs
August 15, 2018 12:55 pm

Even a good plan won’t save you from dying.

Fleabaggs
Fleabaggs
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 3:46 pm

Maggie..
It will save you from dying prematurely. I got it from an old Jarhead who survived Guadalcanal and the Red Hordes in Korea.
He said “If you don’t have a plan you can’t even retreat. All you can do is freeze and catch bullets or panic and run blindly into who knows what.
Before TSHTF you better have a plan.

Maggie
Maggie
  Fleabaggs
August 15, 2018 6:06 pm

I gotcha. My plan was to get myself onto 40 acres in the Ozarks and have a fully sustainable little farm in a community of people who mind their own business but wave kindly when we pass on the road.

If something goes awry, we will execute Plan B, which involves excavating the pond for the gold and guns.

nkit
nkit
August 14, 2018 8:47 pm

moderation, in all things. or, never get too high and never get too low.

Llpoh
Llpoh
  nkit
August 14, 2018 11:24 pm

Too much of something is never enough.

Gloriously Deplorable Paul
Gloriously Deplorable Paul
  Llpoh
August 15, 2018 5:19 pm

If some is good, more is better and too much is just enough.

Artie
Artie
  nkit
August 15, 2018 1:18 am

If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing to excess and the best of your ability.

Zombiedawg
Zombiedawg
August 14, 2018 8:51 pm

Fundamental law of reality – the majority always lose.
ie never follow the herd.

Plan for the worst but hope for the best but know the best probably won’t happen.

Tom
Tom
August 14, 2018 8:52 pm

“Jerk off and re-evaluate”

RiNS
RiNS
August 14, 2018 9:10 pm

You can’t shine a turd..

Maggie
Maggie
  RiNS
August 15, 2018 12:57 pm

You can if you shellac it…

RiNS
RiNS
  Maggie
August 15, 2018 3:51 pm

That’s funny cuz its true. I mean CNN has been doing it fer years…

Just lookie at ole Chris and his tortured mental gymnastics in trying to birth this turd..

Maggie
Maggie
  RiNS
August 15, 2018 6:07 pm

Tah Dah!

I can Read
I can Read
August 14, 2018 9:36 pm

If at first you don’t succeed, Sky diving is not for you.
There are only two things moving in the swamp after dark; gators, and gator food.
If you swim with sharks, don’t bleed in the water.
You can’t talk sense to a crazy man.
i.e. Don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Llpoh
Llpoh
  I can Read
August 14, 2018 11:23 pm

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew like hell.

Maggie
Maggie
  Llpoh
August 15, 2018 12:58 pm

I really like this one.

Rdawg
Rdawg
August 14, 2018 9:38 pm

Be damned careful what you wish for.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
August 14, 2018 9:58 pm

From my dear departed pappy: Work for yourself as much as possible and when you can’t, always be the go-to employee everywhere you work.

From a friend: Fuck ’em before they fuck you!

Steve Voss
Steve Voss
August 14, 2018 10:19 pm

Always chase the hot ones. Somebody is gonna fuck them and it might as well be you.

grace country pastor
grace country pastor
August 14, 2018 10:19 pm

The early bird might get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

dawolf
dawolf
  grace country pastor
August 14, 2018 10:42 pm

If you don’t know where you’re going you’ll probably end up somewhere else…

Maggie
Maggie
  dawolf
August 16, 2018 9:35 am

If you do not care where you are headed, you are never going to get there.

Maggie
Maggie
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 9:36 am

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.

RogerP
RogerP
August 14, 2018 10:47 pm

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Llpoh
Llpoh
August 14, 2018 10:51 pm

I have received a lot of good advice, including this:

Whatever work you do, be professional at it.

Professional is defined as doing good work even when you do not feel like it.

Also, never eat yellow snow, pee into the wind, take a backward step, or take up with women with tatts.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
  Llpoh
August 14, 2018 11:08 pm

Don’t forget chicks with thumb rings!

Mark
Mark
August 14, 2018 11:35 pm

Don’t be frantic…go tantric

Ouirphuqd
Ouirphuqd
August 15, 2018 8:04 am

In case you over sleep, don’t worry, “the early worm gets the bird”! ?

Unreconstructed
Unreconstructed
  Ouirphuqd
August 15, 2018 9:52 am

Every morning in Africa, the lion knows he’s got to out run the slowest gazelle in order to survive. Every morning in Africa, the gazelle knows he’s got to out run the fastest lion in order to survive. So, every morning in Africa, whether you are a lion or a gazelle, when the sun comes up you better be haulin’ ass.

Trumpeter
Trumpeter
August 15, 2018 9:02 am

Scarriest thing my father ever said, “Comes a time in a man’s life, he has earned the right to learn from his own mistakes.”

In one ear and out the other without even a rattle between.

jaycee
jaycee
August 15, 2018 9:39 am

Work before you play.
Make it before you spend it.

Francis Marion
Francis Marion
August 15, 2018 10:06 am

Don’t eat yellow snow.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Francis Marion
August 15, 2018 10:49 am

You could credit Frank Zappa for that one.

Maggie
Maggie
  Filomeno Reyes
August 16, 2018 9:37 am

Or the Abominable Snowman.

Ignatius J. Reilly
Ignatius J. Reilly
August 15, 2018 11:09 am

Just remember, advice is easy to give.

thetruthonly
thetruthonly
August 15, 2018 11:44 am

“If you can’t pass on the Left, pass on the Right” (the so-called ‘California rule’, not actually a rule since it’s illegal, more like my brothers motorcycle demons’ credo, as well as the following ).
“Drive fast, take chances”.
“Right before you do something stupid, check for cops”.

Tim
Tim
August 15, 2018 12:12 pm
Homer
Homer
August 15, 2018 1:44 pm

If someone’s trying to talk you into something and he has a jar of Vaseline in his hand your life is about to change in a most unpleasant way!

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Homer
August 15, 2018 2:30 pm

Just ride the wave, Homer. Don’t be such a Neanderthal. Boring!

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Filomeno Reyes
August 15, 2018 2:47 pm
Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Anonymous
August 15, 2018 3:04 pm
Anonymous
Anonymous
  Filomeno Reyes
August 15, 2018 3:08 pm

Good alt. version. I Like it, Filo.
Also like Walk Don’t Run by the Ventures.
-frothy

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Anonymous
August 15, 2018 3:29 pm

The Ventures were the baddest of the bad. Check out their 2 versions of the theme from Hawaii 5-0

Maggie
Maggie
  Anonymous
August 16, 2018 9:38 am

He comes up with some decent tunes for a beaner.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 9:46 am

Air Fo’ce taught me a lot.

i forget
i forget
  Filomeno Reyes
August 16, 2018 10:25 am

Croce, moving air, strumming, taught me a few things. Well, corroborated a few things. Leroy & Big Jim are all that til they ain’t, for instance.
TJ White, sounding very black, is a go to for gators. And salad. Monin chocolate syrup makes good café mocha & moanin’ Chocolate Genius’ cover is yummy, too.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  i forget
August 16, 2018 10:54 am

TJW don’t sound nothing black.
Save the last dance for me.

i forget
i forget
  Filomeno Reyes
August 16, 2018 11:43 am

If some of ya’ll never been down south too much…you mightn’t have heard what I’m talkin’ about. I was surprised what a pale black man TJW is, first time I saw him. He sounds blacker than Brooks Benton, or Otis, singin’ ‘bout Georgia. It’s a vibe, too; his sound feels black.

I read Gaye got daddy-shot over $, because of drugs\mental stuff, because he broke up a parental fight. Who knows. But that was his last birthday present from papa. Ejaculate to semi-jacketed hollowpoint.

“Black guy” was prolly the 1st Sam Jackson character I saw:

lgr
lgr
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 9:47 am

si, es verdad.

Maggie
Maggie
  lgr
August 16, 2018 9:53 am

Of course, I never mentioned Aleshandro could strum a guitar, did I?

How about it EC? You got a geetar?

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 9:57 am

Did he strum you guitar?

Maggie
Maggie
  Filomeno Reyes
August 16, 2018 10:06 am

Now, that is just gross. I am the piano player.

lgr
lgr
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 10:13 am

Jessica is good toe tapper by those guys.
So, too, I love
Dewey Allman’s plucking on Little Martha, to stay w/ this theme.

Maggie
Maggie
  lgr
August 16, 2018 10:16 am

I avoid Little Martha. Makes me sad.

Lgr
Lgr
  Maggie
August 16, 2018 10:34 am

No sads intended.
Both tunes are no vocals instrumentals. I’m a big fan of good guitar riffs. Piano, too. At tmes, it’s good to just let the music do the talking.

Lgr
Lgr
  Lgr
August 16, 2018 11:50 am

Boogie woogie, Maggie?
Stumbled across this one a few years back.
Hombre might relate to lyrics:
“Caldonia! What makes your big head so hard? Luv ya. Luv ya just the same.”

i forget
i forget
  Lgr
August 16, 2018 12:56 pm

Heads so hard to insulate the tesla coil inside. Smart, high-testo, women are the best, & got nuthin’ to do with kings demises. That’s just emperors chemises.

Filomeno Reyes
Filomeno Reyes
  i forget
August 16, 2018 1:28 pm

High-testo women with low voices?

i forget
i forget
  Filomeno Reyes
August 16, 2018 2:09 pm

Bedroom & bogies-nearby registers do sometimes accompany stiffer octane.
Trannyincidentalsism is a different game, & some, mostly conservative repub jihadists it seems, are wont to cry about it. Gotta’ wonder how much of that is leaky closets.

Maggie
Maggie
  Lgr
August 16, 2018 11:57 am

Now look what you’ve done! You sent me to my piano. LOL…

Tony
Tony
August 15, 2018 3:42 pm

Helen Waite is our credit manager; if you want credit, go to Helen Waite. – a sign in a bar my dad took me to many years ago.

MadMike
MadMike
August 15, 2018 9:15 pm

Violence isn’t always the answer, but when it is the answer, it’s the only answer.

MadMike
MadMike
August 15, 2018 9:16 pm

Oh, and TANSTAAFL

Grizzly Bare
Grizzly Bare
August 16, 2018 3:20 am

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.