CR Turns Against Tesla

Guest Post by Eric Peters

It took a long time for the Catholic Church to concede there was a pederast priest problem. Publicly admitting the awful truth was regarded as a mortal threat to the Church itself – which it has been. People think twice now about leaving young Johnny in the care of Father McFeely.

They may think twice about buying a Tesla, too.

Consumer Reports – a publication whose editorial line has been as predictable as Pravda’s during the Brezhnev years when it comes to everything politically correct about cars – has announced it can “no longer recommend” the Tesla 3.

For reasons of sketchy reliability and shoddy build quality.

“Consumers expect their cars to last – and not be in the repair shop. That’s why reliability is so important,” says Jake Fisher, who is senior director of automotive testing at Consumer Reports.

More here.

None of this being news.

Tesla has had quality control problems for years – and these problems are no secret. Poor panel fitment, trim that comes unglued. Paint flaws. Bumpers that fall off in the rain.

Yes, really.

The kinds of problems that CR would have inquisited – and roasted alive – any other car company for attempting to pawn off on its customers. But Tesla got the kid-glove treatment  – like a pedophile priest – because a broader agenda was at stake.

So why is CR suddenly abandoning its lieblingskind?

Probably because Tesla has served its purpose.

There is a theory – mine – that Tesla has been propped up all these years in order to normalize EVs. To get the public used to the idea of them. To make EVs seem sexy and desirable. To distract people’s attention from the exorbitant cost, range gimp, paralytic recharge waiting and myriad other problems that would otherwise have kept EVs off-stage, possibly forever.

Certainly no other car company would have “gone first” and committed billions of their own money on EV development. They have shareholders to answer to. It would have been like Starbucks abandoning coffee in favor of tea.

But along came Elon.

This useful idiot – Lenin’s term – was just what was needed. A tech celebrity, youthful – full of grand ideas. Tourist spaceships to Mars. And sexy, quiet, ultra-quick electric cars for all.

The government issued fatwas that – initially – benefitted his company almost exclusively since no other company was building EVs in numbers. An epic wealth transfer scheme ensued.

Other car companies were forced to hand over “carbon credit” morditas (bribes) to Elon, the payoff for not building EVs themselves. The “credit” purchased from Elon serving as the equivalent, in Civil War days, of paying someone else to take your place in the draftee army.

The government also lavished subsidies on Elon’s operation, to keep his “business” going. All the while – for more than a decade – any problems with Tesla cars, Tesla the company, or Elon himself were tut-tutted, if they were discussed at all.

Send Father McFeely to that new parish in Wichita…

Now, though, Elon’s usefulness appears to be at an end. The Electric Juggernaut is well under way; every car company now offers or soon will offer EVs.

As Darth Vader said to Luke when he lay dying on the floor of the Death Star: There is no stopping it now.

And so, no more need to cover for Elon.

Expect the Long Knives to be unsheathed. Tesla will have to go – because Tesla has become the opposite of what it was, initially. Or rather – what it was once useful for being.

It has become an embarrassment.

An almost daily one.

Shoddy build quality – and even shoddier promises, never kept. As gulled as people are, even the average TeeVee viewer grows suspicious of Elon. No sign of the much-promised (and much money taken in deposits) “affordable” Model 3. 

And have a look at the Model 3 – which its cheesy-looking touchscreen and spartan cabin.

$44,000 for this?

Then there is the embarrassment of Elon himself. He morphs perceptibly in the public mind into the male version of Elizabeth Holmes – another superficially appealing, youthful techie fast-talker whose con eventually fell apart -but only after her support structure abandoned her to her fate.

The same appears to be in store for Elon.

Unlike Elizabeth Holmes, though, he wont go to prison. Notwithstanding his having arguably defrauded both his customers and the taxpayers, who’ve been forced to float his boat.

He’ll just be off to other things – like Father McFeely – while the EV Juggernaut he helped to midwife rolls on.

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