Dem Candidates Promise Relief To Americans Sick And Tired Of Working All These Plentiful Jobs

Via The Babylon Bee

U.S.—Democratic candidates have promised relief to Americans who are tired of working because of all the jobs that are available now.

“I’m here to promise you two things: rest and relief,” Joe Biden said at a campaign stop. “Rest from working, and relief from all the job opportunities that are available to you today.”

“It’s overwhelming, the number of jobs out there,” Elizabeth Warren said, echoing Biden’s sentiments at a fundraiser. “It’s too much for a person to take in all at once. I vow to you, as a strong, independent, Native American woman, to reduce your options considerably. That should simplify things for you.”

The candidates may disagree on minor points of policy as to how to provide instant relief for Americans sick and tired of working. Bernie Sanders thinks we should tax the rich a lot more so they’ll stop investing and creating jobs to provide relief. Joe Biden says he’ll just roll things back to 2008. Kamala Harris suggested just arresting people who provide jobs. Beto O’Rourke has proposed a law that everyone be required to get high and listen to Rush every morning instead of go to work.

But no matter what specific policy proposal a given Democratic candidate endorses, they all agree: relief from jobs now!

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4 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
May 5, 2019 6:21 pm

Don’t get me wrong. I think that EVERYONE should have to pay their debts in full.

But just imagine if one of these candidates, instead of demanding that the US taxpayer pick up the tab for the massive profits delivered to the nation’s colleges and universities in exchange for worthless degrees in gender studies, etc. they demanded that the colleges and universities be charged back 80% of the money they received from federally-guaranteed student loans over the past couple of decades. I mean the taxpayers didn’t get SHIT for all the money they are going to be on the hook for. The colleges and universities actually received the money, and now lots of these graduates can’t find jobs substantial enough to pay back the loans. Call it a “warranty refund.”

NickelthroweR
NickelthroweR
  MrLiberty
May 5, 2019 7:54 pm

House all the homeless drug addicts on college campuses. Make it so the homeless are subject to torture should they wander off of a campus. This would fix everything.

Bookdoc
Bookdoc
May 5, 2019 7:30 pm

I saw the comment about beto and he needs updating. Generally, Rush is on in the afternoon!

NickelthroweR
NickelthroweR
  Bookdoc
May 5, 2019 7:56 pm

I think the article was referring to the one and only all time best Ayn Rand band ever – RUSH