‘I’m Still Sharp As A Tack,’ Insists Mueller Moments Before Taking Phone Call On A Banana

Via Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Robert Mueller was being criticized for seemingly answering questions slowly, not recalling key details of his investigation, and appearing to be confused throughout his testimony Wednesday.

After a brief recess, Mueller insisted he was entirely lucid.

“I hear a few murmurs out there that I’ve lost it,” he said. “Well, I haven’t lost it. I’ve still got it. In fact, I’m still sharp as a tack.”

Before testimony could resume, however, Mueller interrupted the proceedings, appearing to reach for his cell phone. “I really have to take this,” he said apologetically as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a banana. “Yeah, go for Bob.”

Mueller proceeded to have what appeared to be a five-minute conversation on the fruit as bewildered congresspeople looked on. “Well, tell them I don’t want to be there this Friday. Matlock’s on, you know that. You know I don’t go out when Matlock is on.” He shrugged apologetically at those in the room, mouthing “sorry.”

“Look, if the consulate has a problem with that, tell them they can call me themselves,” he concluded, slamming the banana back down on the table.

At publishing time, Mueller was seen giving clear, concise, lucid testimony to a soap dispenser in the restroom.

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12 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
July 24, 2019 3:08 pm

My wife actually watched most of the hearing and said that she thought he was suffering from dementia at some level. Not that I consider her an “expert,” but our 2 1/2 years of visiting my mother at her memory care facility that was populated with 50-60 folks that both of us interacted with, and she assisted with on group outings, certainly gives a bit of credibility in my book. I wouldn’t be surprised. Johnny Isackson, one of our two US Senators, suffers from Parkinsons, a form of dementia. Then there is Hank Johnson, who has his own serious medical issues and thinks that too many people running to one side of Guam would tip it over. While I would certainly put the bar even higher, it is truly too much to ask that the mentally incompetent, chronically-ill, and those suffering from dementia, be kept OUT of positions of power over others??? That is the least we deserve of our masters.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  MrLiberty
July 24, 2019 3:58 pm

Well, if Stammerin’ Hank has medical issues, then he’s almost certainly treating his condition by ingesting some form of cannabis with high levels of THC.
-With no regard to avoid being under the influence before going into a committee hearing.
Hell, revisit that video where he’s questioning the witness from the military about Guam.
Just try listening to him.
Cringeworthy.
I bet it took everything the witness had, to not bust out laughing and respond with: “Regardless of any respect you esteemed committee members believe is due, sir…Your question and concerns are ridiculous.
Islands do not capsize.”

Another point.
Contrast the biased, lying, evasive Mueller’s testimony, with that of Mr. Homan, when questioned about ICE by Cortez.
Homan won the exchange.

Strzok was more like Homan, answering with scorn for the inquisitors.
He almost blew out a cranial artery, he was so pissed. Demon possessed facial features when under fire. Lost the exchange.
Angry little man. FIB no moar.
Guilty, just like Mueller.
Treason. Abuse of power.

22winmag - Yankee by birth - Southerner by choice
22winmag - Yankee by birth - Southerner by choice
  MrLiberty
July 24, 2019 4:22 pm

Micronized Aluminium

It’s what’s for breakfast

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
July 24, 2019 3:27 pm

Try ‘control-alt-delete’.

Fetch My Flying Monkeys
Fetch My Flying Monkeys
July 24, 2019 4:06 pm

I’ve been watching the hearings and he is definitely suffering from some form of early dementia.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Fetch My Flying Monkeys
July 24, 2019 6:22 pm

Agreed , dementia but so is 80% of the Congress & Senate ! The majority of people I hear speaking from a position of authority in government at all levels have absolutely no business voting or making any decision that has even the slightest effect on me and my affairs regardless of the subject !
From the federal to state and local never has history organized a greater gathering of walking talking babbling rectums !

Ginger
Ginger
July 24, 2019 4:52 pm

He is pulling a Vincent Gigante, prison hopefully awaits this whole crowd

motley
motley
July 24, 2019 5:35 pm

Watch today’s podcast of TruNews … advance 20-25 minutes past their presentation of the news …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNUh0BAB9T8

BB
BB
  motley
July 24, 2019 6:37 pm

True news is a good source of information. I wish more Christians knew about the real ” Irsael ” and their murder of Arabs.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 24, 2019 5:56 pm

Well fuck me. If I had to sit and answer questions from them bunch of mother fuckers, I’d answer very deliberately too.

Yancey_Ward
Yancey_Ward
July 24, 2019 6:21 pm

I watched both sessions of the hearings. It is abundantly clear that Mueller was a front man only- he had almost nothing to do in the investigation or its management.

Also, I agree with the commenters who think he is suffering dementia- I thought the signs were obvious- at times he didn’t even seem to know what was going on for seconds at a time.