Ten Days After Maureen DIED …. She Let Me Unequivocally Know That She Is ALIVE!!

Some of you are going to think that I have gone off the deep end.  I assure you, I have not ….  thanks to about four ounces of steel.

It’s been exactly four weeks since Ms. Freud (Maureen) died.  My days have been filled with almost unbearable sadness, an occasional bout of sheer terror, but always ending with exuberant joy whose source is literally from Another World.

The sadness is always there, just below the surface, even though my face has been trained to hide the emotion from others – especially my mom, who can’t handle the truth due to her own mountain of sorrows.

My sorrow manifests itself strongest on Sunday mornings.  That’s the day when I sit in the dining room, pour a cup of coffee for both Ms. Freud and myself.  I then take the chair she used to sit in and place my hand on the armrest while imagining that I am holding her hand, and then I talk (out loud) with her. I use this poem  (which I posted here)  as the blueprint for our discussion.

The sadness accompanied with many tears smashes me in the face as soon as I read – “While thinking of the many things, We didn’t get to say.”  I regret not telling her more often how much I loved her but, even worse, that there were too many occasions where I didn’t show my love with action.

Then the fountains of the great deep break forth when I read – “For emptiness and memories,  Would take the place of me.”   No!!!!!!  I WANT MORE THAN JUST MEMORIES!!!!!  I don’t want to subscribe to the Buddhist/Taoist idea that we all simply  “become one with the universe” — some kind of ethereal hodge-podge of our material body’s atoms merging with the light, the stars, the cosmos,  whatever — which of course  logically means that we eventually become one with Harvey Weinstein when his time on earth ends. And I don’t want to subscribe to Hindu ideas of coming back as a rat, or Harvey Weinstein (which may be one and the same). I WANT THE VERY ESSENCE, BEING AND CONSCIOUSNESS OF MAUREEN LESLIE VANDENBRANDE TO STILL BE IN EXISTENCE.  And then sometimes the terror comes.

It’s a terror worse than anything Dante’ could imagine.  What can be worse than the eternal tortures of being burned, eaten by worms, feeling the pain of thirst and starvation, and if the show South Park is to be believed – having Satan shove prickly razor sharp pineapples up your ass every morning for all eternity?  I’ll tell you.   What if the Materialists are right?

What if our lives truly exist in three short phases; we’re born, we live, we die?  After that … nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Ms. Freud simply exists no more. Dead, forever and ever! My dad is dead, dead, dead. My mom will soon cease to exist forever more. Yes, those thoughts still pop into my head; what if the Materialists have it right, after all?  Nothing is more terrifying than that.  And all the explanations, justifications, and rationalizations by Materialists that life is, nevertheless,  worth living (why would it be???) despite life’s gloomy final ending, well … that’s nothing but pure unadulterated bullshit. If I was a Materialist, I would have already killed myself. Really. Fortunately, the story doesn’t end there.

The exuberant joy comes toward the end of the poem when I read; —  “And now at last you’re free. So won’t you come and take my hand And share my life with me?”   Free from dementia, which was getting worse by the month.  She suffered a stroke during the operation;  now she is free from whatever those side effects would have been. Her brain suffered oxygen deprivation via respiratory trauma during her recovery; now she is free from whatever those side effects would have been. She is free from getting cancer again. She is free from needing dialysis again. Free, free at last ….

I close each Sunday discussion with a prayer.  I thank God that Maureen and I had 80+ days together after the operation. I was able to tell her how much I loved her each and every day, and she was able to kiss me, hug me, smile at me with those kind compassionate eyes, and mouth the words “I love you”, and one time she even said it!!

And then I am thankful that she was granted the Gift Of Death.  That’s right, it was a gift!! Her mother died of Alzheimer’s and it’s a horrible death.  I am thankful that she died without pain, peacefully, surrounded by those she loved. I am thankful she didn’t have to suffer through multiple organ failures until death took its final toll.  I am eternally thankful that she knew me and other family members right up until the final moment … that I/we never had to answer that gut-wrenching question “So, who are you?”  Yes, I am thankful that she is free.

But, I’ll tell you the main reason why I am thankful for the gift of death. She isn’t dead at all!  Sure, her body has returned to ashes.  But, we are not our bodies. We are not our minds. We are much, much more than that. Whatever it is that makes Ms. Freud Ms. Freud is still living.

And I have strong evidence.

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Ms. Freud and I rarely had arguments, and even when we did, we never went to bed angry. We always resolved our issues …. except twice (in twelve years) when we both lost our heads. I don’t even remember what one of the arguments was about anymore … but, the other one is still as fresh as the day it occurred. She lost my keys about six months after we moved into the mansion!  I blamed her. She blamed me. The insults got nastier and nastier … and we went to bed mad at each other.  Over keys? What a stupid ignorant prick I was!! All because of about four ounces of steel!! I will regret my harsh words to her until the day I die.

There were ten keys on the two key rings. The problem was that I only had duplicates for four of them, while the other six were orphans.  And they were valuable. Two of the keys had to do with gaining access to the storage facility. Hence, I haven’t actually entered the storage locker in two and a half years.

I discovered they were lost the very next day when I needed my car keys.  I kept the keys in the kitchen, on the top shelf (a shelf so high Maureen could not reach them), in a small ceramic mixing bowl.  The only other things I kept in the bowl were my wallet and some pens.  I realized that when I came home from grocery shopping the day before that I left the keys in the door.  Obviously, at some point during the day/evening Maureen removed them and put them …. somewhere. But, where??  Due to her memory issues she could not remember.

What to do?  Did I mention those keys were really really important, and six of them had no duplicates?  I immediately undertook a systematic large scale effort to find them.  The apartment is 3500 square feet, 9 rooms plus 2 bathrooms, and several large closets. At first I looked at all the obvious places. No luck.  I then started over.  I tore each room apart.  One time Ms. Freud put a bottle of purple Fabuloso all-purpose cleaner in the fridge – maybe she thought it was kool-aid — so there’s no telling where the keys could be.

In the kitchen I checked every single drawer and shelf, I looked inside every bowl, I looked in the oven and fridge, I looked inside pots …. there wasn’t even one square inch I didn’t examine. The same held true for the remainder of the house.  In the bedrooms I looked under cushions, under the bed, inside the flower vases, while in the closets I checked every single pocket, every purse, etc. etc.  I never found them.  I concluded that maybe this one time Ms. Freud may have actually thrown them away.  They were gone forever.

About a year later in what was apparently a feeling of good fortune coming my way I decided to repeat that extensive search once again.  And once again, the results were identical.

Joy (Maureen’s daughter) and her husband, Craig, flew in from Chicago, and all three of us were together when Maureen died. They were here for about six days afterwards. We spent much of that time going through Maureen’s belongings – deciding what to keep, and what to discard.  I told them about the keys.  So, this is now the THIRD floor-to-ceiling search for the keys. If even possible, this search was even more extensive than the previous two searches I did by myself. We literally tore the place apart for five days leaving no “stone” unturned.  The results didn’t change.  No one found the original keys that were lost two and a half years ago (I did find another set of different keys I lost.)

A few days after Joy and Craig left I decided that I would have to go to the storage facility and ask them to cut the lock.  This kind of irritated me because they charge money for that service … plus I’d have to buy another $13 lock. I talk to Maureen several times during the day and I jokingly verbalized a complaint to her; “Well, Munchkin, when I see you again you better pay me twenty bucks!! Grrrr!”.  I was kind of half-serious, actually.  Heh.

Sooooo,  I go to the kitchen, reach inside the ceramic bowl, feel for my keys …. hmmmm, they seem a little heavy, ….pull them out, look at them, and receive the shock of my life. There in the palm of my hand, are the original ten keys on the two key rings that were lost two and a half years ago!!!!!

I couldn’t believe it. In fact, I hardly did believe it! That’s why I waited about two weeks to write about it.  I needed to think long and hard about those keys.  Am I deluded?  Am I imagining things?  Were the keys always there?  Did someone else put them there without my knowledge?  Am I engaged in wishing thinking?  Am I just desperate to believe in Maureen’s continued existence? I needed to think, and I needed to interview people before I could come to the truth.

I did come to the truth, and the truth is this: Maureen loves me so much that after she died she stuck around to communicate with me … and in a manner in which only I, myself, would know without any shadow of a doubt that the message was from her.

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There is no other explanation.

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You might object; “Wait a minute, Stucky! There are always other explanations!” I concede the point.  Let’s look at them.

#1 objection:  One of the nicer titles bestowed on me here on TBP is “King Shitflinger”. This is true. I am also known as a Thumb Whore — doing/saying/writing just about anything to get attention.  This is also true. In other words, I’m just writing another stir-the-pot article in order to gain attention, and/or get a discussion going.

#1 rebuttal: This is absolutely NOT true. Those of you who know me also know how deeply I loved (and still love) Maureen. I wouldn’t cheapen her memory by resorting to my cheap old parlor tricks.  To write something about her life/death/life-after-death would be to bring dishonor to her good name …. and shame and eternal condemnation to mine.   There is no way in hell I would besmirch Maureen’s memory with a bunch of bullshit lies.  This is perhaps the most truthful and sincere article I have ever written. Objection #1 has been obliterated.

#2 objection: Obviously, the keys were there the entire time!!

#2 rebuttal: This is but a variation of objection #1.  Not only were there three massive turn-the-house-upside-down searches … but, I literally have put my hand in that bowl thousands of times depositing or retrieving my keys.  One would think that over the course of two and a half years that I would have noticed the original keys there.  And don’t even suggest Maureen put them there while she was alive — that top shelf is waaaay to high for her to even reach. Objection #2 has been obliterated.

#3 objection: Obviously, someone else MUST have put those keys there!!

#3 rebuttal: This is a good objection. However, it falls far short of reality. There are only three people who had keys to the apartment.

—– I had keys.  I did not put them there (see objection #1). You are left with just two other people who could have put them there.

—– My landlord(s) had keys.  My first landlord (Murray and Helga) were loathe to enter my apartment without me being there.  I’m not sure if they ever entered the apartment in my absence. But, even if they did; 1) if they actually found keys they would have given them to me and, 2) they have no idea I kept the keys in the bowl in the kitchen.  The same holds true for the landlord who  bought the house with a minor exception.  I believe he’s been in the house twice without me being there. But, it was a quick in and out … plus, he has no idea I ever lost keys in the first place … plus he has no idea where I keep the keys … plus he’s only been my landlord for the past three months.

—— Ms. Freud’s daughter/son-in-law have keys.  Well, they live in Chicago.  They are never in the house without me being there.  They were there about a week after Maureen died but, they were looking for the keys. I talked to Joy a couple days ago.  Neither she nor Craig found any keys. Neither one of them have any idea whatsoever regarding the ceramic bowl hiding place.

—– You are now left with visitors.  I can count on one hand the number of times over the past two and a half years where we had visitors.  We liked each other, and our privacy.  Visitors don’t go looking for keys.  We are always present with visitors. Visitors have no idea whatsoever regarding the ceramic bowl hiding place.  I did have an honored guest a few weeks ago … our own beloved Hardscrabble Farmer.  Maybe he found the keys, and then slipped them into the ceramic bowl without my knowledge??

—– Objection #3 has just been obliterated.

#4 objection: What’s the big deal?  Found keys have nothing to do with Maureen being alive and having consciousness. 

#4 rebuttal: Let’s look at that objection logically.

—– Premise 1:  I did not put them there. No one else put them there.  In other words, per the evidence in rebuttal #3 we know that no corporeal human put the lost original keys in the ceramic bowl.

—– Premise 2:  The lost original keys were in the ceramic bowl.

—– Conclusion: Therefore, the keys were put in the bowl by a non-corporeal (spiritual) being.

What other possible valid logical conclusion can there be??  If you have one, please share it with us.

I believe that non-corporeal entity was Maureen.  Other than perhaps God, no other being makes sense.  Only Maureen knew and understood the history behind The Lost Keys … and she knew only I, myself, would understand immediately what she did. She saw my grief, and wanted to comfort me; “I’m OK Nick. Don’t worry. Don’t be sad. I’ll see you again, my love.”  It may also have been her asking me for forgiveness for losing the keys (but, I have my doubts).  More likely is that she let me know that she forgives me …. because I do feel so much guilt and remorse for the way I treated her during The Lost Keys episode.

A quick word about the strength of Maureen’s communication.  It has been documented that the deceased communicate with the living in myriad ways; dreams, visions, smell, audibly, by moving things around, by manipulating lights and other electronic devices, just to name I few.  I am glad Maureen did not communicate in that manner.  The reason being that such communications, especially dreams and visions, can always be interpreted as chemical/biological reactions residing only in my brain, and nowhere else.  But, you can’t do that with four ounces of physical steel!!  And don’t forget, I did not find them.  They were placed in that bowl for me.  It’s the best possible “proof” she could give. Good luck explaining that away …..

Objection #4 has been obliterated.

#5 objection:  All you have is an “unexplained mystery”.  The world is replete with thousands of unexplained mysteries. It is presumptuous and premature to look for non-natural (i.e., supernatural) causes.

#5 rebuttal: I cannot obliterate this objection. I have provided substantial evidence that Maureen is still a conscious living being whose personality/ego exists outside the realm we, the living, inhabit. But, I can’t make you believe it.  Our impasse is no different than when Nicolaus Copernicus provided ample evidence that the planets revolve around the sun. Yet, the religious and political intelligentsia of the day branded him as a heretic.  For some folks no amount of evidence is ever enough. You are likely a Materialist; we’re born, we live, we die, and that’s all there is. You simply can’t conceive of reality outside of what science can measure and prove. Such objections can never be refuted, and the objector can never be convinced.  That’s OK with me. Everyone is entitled to their own views.  It’s your life … sad as it might be, imho.

I rest my case.

Please feel free to be 100% honest in your replies.  If you disagree with anything I wrote/believe … please do not concern yourself with hurting my feelings!!! I will not take it personally.  My own views on this type of thing is constantly evolving.  Who knows? Even though we disagree, I may very well learn something from you in the process.

To the few folks to whom I emailed the link to this article, I hope you respond. Be aware that you do NOT need to use your real name … you can use any alias you want or, even leave the name field blank which will post as “Anonymous”.   I hope my daughter-in-law and son-in-law write about their fascinating experience communicating with Maureen.

End of article.

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[A special note to TBP regulars:

I have written articles about; bridges, castles, cars, food, raccoons, American history, recipes, home improvement, Islam, the Boomer generation (both pro and con articles), Russian history, just to name a few. For the foreseeable future that’s coming to an end.

I’m going to become somewhat of a One Trick Pony.  I’m going to be writing mostly about religion (specifically, the afterlife) and science (specifically, the implications/lessons we can learn from Quantum Mechanics regarding life after death).

In both articles I wrote about my Dad’s death, and Maureen’s, I concluded by saying that I believe in life-after-death, and possibly even the Resurrection (as presented by Christianity).  I concluded such based on logic, philosophical ideas, as well as faith.  There’s nothing wrong with simply believing. Millions upon millions of people get along just fine in life by  simply believing … and never going any further than that.  I want to go further.  I want to explore why I believe. In short, I’m searching for evidence … evidence that demands a verdict (much like I presented in this article). Over time, I will share everything I learn.  Who knows?  With a little bit of luck I might even convince a Materialist to see the Light.

Blessings!!!]

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Author: Stucky

I'm right, you're wrong. Deal with it. View all posts by Stucky