U.S.—Asteroid 2018 VP1 is making a splash in the polls, having immediately eclipsed both incumbent President Donald Trump and challenger Joe Biden.
While some campaigns get off to a rocky start, the asteroid is seeing a meteoric rise in the polls. Trump and Biden have struggled with their plans to end coronavirus and restart the economy, but the asteroid says it can end all racism, economic problems, and all of our struggles forever.
“I’ll take the asteroid,” said one man in Delaware. “I was leaning Biden, but he kept saying dumb and racist things. The asteroid has never done anything like that. No gaffes of any kind.”
“I’m a Trump man, through and through,” said an Iowa farmer. “But I think this election, I’m going to switch over to Asteroid 2018 VP1. Don’t get me wrong, I like Trump, but he’s no asteroid.”
“Come, sweet death.”
Some have criticized the asteroid, saying it is much too small to make any difference. But many say the asteroid could have a big impact, even if it just squishes Washington, D.C. and leaves the rest of us alone.
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The asteroid has my vote, especially if it hits Portland at night when the nightly Antifa festival is going on.
I cried when I was informed that this is satire piece…
Cthulhu for POTUS 2020!
I always root for the asteroid, the tsunami, the super volcano, the comet, etc.