WASHINGTON, D.C.—In the days following the Colonial Pipeline hack, gas stations have begun to run out of fuel, creating a panic for many. As for the President of the United States, this has come as a relief when considering all the other crises that have been nagging his presidency.
“Finally, a distraction!” said Biden letting out a sigh of relief. “It was either ‘inflation crisis’ this, or ‘unemployment crisis’ that, and I don’t even want to hear the words ‘border crisis’ again. I was like– would you just shut up man?!”
Biden explained that all of this negative coverage was starting to make him look bad. He said that things like his wild federal spending, paying people not to work, and soft border policies have nothing to do with the current state of the country. “Hopefully, a good old-fashioned gas price hike and shortage will finally give me a quieter news cycle.”
“People keep directing the blame at me like I’m supposed to do something about this. But c’mon man — that ain’t the President’s job. It’s up to the American people to come together, and unify to solve this stuff,” Biden continued. “And anyway, everyone should just pony up and drive a Tesla. Get with the times, and save the planet, Jack. It’s common sense.”
At publishing time, Biden tried to sign some executive orders to increase our national cybersecurity and resume construction of the Keystone pipeline, but his pen was out of ink from all the other orders he’d signed.
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Arizona Audit Hearing Today!!!
This guy needs to go so President Skank can take over.
i’ve seen 2 articles in the last couple of days that make me think the pipeline might be a manufactured crisis–
i’m generally not given to believing in conspiracies but this pipeline problem should be taken care in a short amount of time–
instead,the white house is considering waivers to the jones act 4 tankers,and the lease rate 4 oil tankers is shooting up–
when i posted this earlier i had not heard that the mideast is on fire–
additionally,gretchen whitmer is attempting to shut down a pipeline that carries energy from the us to canada & back again–fed. law should prevent it but nowadays,?
conspiracy?
high energy prices help a lot of the big boys–
Lack of gas will keep a lot of folks in lockdown, which gives Whitmer an orgasm.
She is evil.
Mideast not the only thing on fire.
https://news.yahoo.com/24-fires-day-surge-flames-120009728.html
It’s all part of the plan-demic and to reset everything so we all live in a version of California/Venezuela. ICE are evil man! They’re going to make gas so expensive that you can’t afford to drive much. That will make electric cars the new PC thing to buy.
https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/whitmer-canadian-shut-down-oil-pipeline
Yeah, that electric stuff, like Brawndo, it’s what cars crave….They can push an agenda and create false flags and fake crises but, at the end of the day, these fools only destroy themselves. The levels of shit hitting the fan since the election theft is becoming Biblical and if this is done on purpose then you have to ask yourself, who wants to rule over a dungheap?
amen, sister…
Someone posted here the other day that the BB isn’t so much satire, but reality.
That was me. I no longer view the Onion or the Babylon Bee as satire, I see them as chroniclers of history. We live in sad and dangerous times. The greatest dangers we face are coming from fools who actually support Biden and Heels Up.
Right, it’s as almost as we are living this. Oh wait, we are.
https://barenakedislam.com/2021/05/12/times-square-shooter-arrested-at-a-florida-mcdonalds-chowing-down-on-a-non-halal-big-mac/