Report: Biden Wasn’t Checking Watch, Just Making Sure There Was No Blood Left On His Hands

Via The Babylon Bee

DOVER, DE—While speculation has circled about President Biden checking his watch during the dignified transfer of fallen soldiers, sources in the administration have confirmed that in fact, he was only looking to see if he still had blood on his hands.

Despite attempting to blame Trump, climate change, and the Afghani people themselves, at the end of the debacle Biden still found himself with blood on his hands, and his alone. Somehow, being the President of the United States—and being the final authority who selected Pentagon leaders for their intersectionality, ordered the total troop withdrawal, conceded to deadlines set by terrorists, abandoned allies with no warning, withdrew the military before ensuring civilians were brought to safety, trusted known terrorists to provide safe passage for Americans to the airport and put military members in the impossible scenario of securing an airport while crowds of desperate people attempted to get in—somehow, all of that made him responsible.

“Just can’t imagine why I have their blood on my hands,” said a pensive Joe Biden. “I did everything perfectly, just like I always do. Everything that went wrong was someone else’s fault, just like it always is. I’ll make sure those Gold Star families understand that. Right after I get this blood all cleaned off my hands.”

Standing in Dover to await the fallen soldiers, Biden suddenly worried how it would look if he was seen standing there with their blood, bearing actual blame. A photographer caught the moment, and the image spread like fire.

“Republicans have floated their childish theories, claiming President Biden was worried about when Matlock was starting, or if he was missing the early bird special at Golden Corral,” said Press Secretary Jen Psaki. “But I can assure you all, he was simply trying to remove evidence of his share in the responsibility for the loss of life we have endured.”

-----------------------------------------------------
It is my sincere desire to provide readers of this site with the best unbiased information available, and a forum where it can be discussed openly, as our Founders intended. But it is not easy nor inexpensive to do so, especially when those who wish to prevent us from making the truth known, attack us without mercy on all fronts on a daily basis. So each time you visit the site, I would ask that you consider the value that you receive and have received from The Burning Platform and the community of which you are a vital part. I can't do it all alone, and I need your help and support to keep it alive. Please consider contributing an amount commensurate to the value that you receive from this site and community, or even by becoming a sustaining supporter through periodic contributions. [Burning Platform LLC - PO Box 1520 Kulpsville, PA 19443] or Paypal

-----------------------------------------------------
To donate via Stripe, click here.
-----------------------------------------------------
Use promo code ILMF2, and save up to 66% on all MyPillow purchases. (The Burning Platform benefits when you use this promo code.)

Click to visit the TBP Store for Great TBP Merchandise