WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

You look like a poodle. There isn’t much more I can say really. Your hair reminds me of a poodle and that’s funny to me.

Well, I was born without the top of my skull and I guess a little bit of my brains was showin’ and it was grossin’ everybody out so my mom put this wig on me to cover it up and then the bones grew together and it got all infused and entwined. I mean I don’t mean to get all scientific with you…

Just because you will always be your mother’s baby doesn’t give you a reason to still act like one when you’re 6’4″ and pushing a deuce and a quarter.

Ahhh yes, the arctic whale-tail. A much harder to spot species of booty crack. but when they surface they are a magnificent creature.

I guess Carrot Top over here thinks he’s hilarious.

Richard Simmons would be impressed the way you’re squeezing those buns girl. Of course, Paula Deen would also be impressed at those bottom biscuits so you gotta take the good with the bad.

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I could be wrong, but I don’t think Walmart will accept your prison commissary balance to pay for things.

It’s a scene like this that brings the wise words of Young Jeezy to my mind, “Drop the top, no bra, got the titties out.” – Truly inspirational stuff. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to the emergency room because my eyes seem to be bleeding for some reason.

This is one of the few times you will hear me say that maybe less would be more.

Aaaannnndddd twins! – Actually I’m curious how that Coors Light commercial would play out in 2018. How fast do you think they’d get pummeled in a PR nightmare?

Hmm, I guess McDonald’s IS still super sizing.

That awkward moment when you show up for your day job and think you’re at your night job.

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