Author: IndenturedServant

I never thought it would be possible but I managed to meet ALL of bb’s extended family in the same day! It was a harrowing experience to say the least. Never say never!

There I was, minding my own business, out running errands and taking care of business on my unusual Thursday, day off. I figured I’d brave the ignorant masses all on one day and spend the next three days tucked away like Billy says in my own Fortress of Assholitude.

I have a small pistol that refuses to go bang every time I pull the trigger. I attempted a minor repair to fix it but it still jams 1/3 of the time. I called the manufacturer to find out what they could do and they issued an RMA to return it to them. So, my running of errands involved a hand gun and everyone knows that when running errands that involve a handgun, it’s best to take care of the handgun first.

The manufacturer offered to send me a flat rate $30 FedEx return label but said that due to my proximity to their location I could probably get a better rate by going to a local shipping store. I went to my local shipping store and met bb’s mother, fat, bald head and all. She said she could not help me as she had no access to the shipping rate for firearms and that I would have to go to “the mother ship” (her actual words) for that. Turns out she was just a lying, gun hating liberal bitch who can apparently afford to turn away business.

I drive across town to the mother ship to get a quote and I am told that the shipping store I went to was lying. Anyway the guy (I later determine to be bb the second) says he can ship my gun (I was very specific about there being a gun in the box) for $21 no problem and hands me a box and an air bill (label) which he partially filled out. I run home to pack up the gun including a letter describing the issues and fill out the blank parts of the air bill before heading back to the FedEx mother ship.

From my house it’s a 50 minute round trip. I get down there and bb the second is gone but bb the third is there to help, complete with a slack jawed, drooling grin. I hand him everything and he announces that it will be $65. I explain that I had just spoken with bb the second not more than 1.5 hours earlier and was quoted a price of $21 and given an air bill which he had filled out. bb the third replies, with a lisp: I’m thorry thir but that is the price. I ask why the hell I was quoted a much lower price earlier and he says he can show me the rules and repeats: I’m thorry thir! I start ranting that this is my second 50 minute round trip to the mother ship and I’m tired of being jerked around by incompetent idiots to which he replies: I’m thorry thir!

At this point I’m about to ask bb the third what EXACTLY is he sorry for? Is it that he’s sorry his mother was raped by a baboon and chose not to have an abortion? Is it that he’s sorry he works for a company that is clearly unable to train all of its employees to the same level of (in) competency? Is it that he’s sorry that despite several generations of intensive inbreeding, bb’s progeny continue to be pig fucking ignorant? I almost said: OK motherfucker, I’m ready to put pen to paper and list ALL of the shit you’re sorry about regarding this transaction so let’s hear it Corky! Instead I just shook my head and walked out because I could literally feel the aneurism forming.

Back in my car, suffering from the loss of several IQ points and no longer thinking clearly, I decided to go back in and speak to a manager. Out pops what might have been bb himself but I’ll refer to him as bb the fourth. Poor bastard had teeth that looked more like a row walrus tusks and you could drive a truck between each one. He starts out with: I’m sorry sir! What can I do for you? Every time I hear one of these idiots tell me they are sorry I just get more pissed off because it makes no sense to say they are sorry when I know for a fact they don’t give a shit! They get paid the same and clock out at the same time regardless how incompetent they are or how much they inconvenience the customer.

I ask bb the fourth if all FedEx employees are trained to the same level of incompetency? I actually said the word incompetency but I don’t think he caught it since he replied: yes! I explained the whole scenario and he again said: I’m sorry sir! To keep from blowing a gasket I asked bb the fourth to double check the shipping rate for my package and he confirmed the findings of bb the third. I explained that I could get a $30 flat rate label from the manufacturer and asked if there would be any further issues if I returned with that label attached to the box to which he replied no.

I went back to my car and purchased a label from the manufacturer over the phone and headed home to print and attach the label thus ending 50 minute round trip number two. All I could hear driving home was: I’m thorry thir! playing over and over in my head in the same voice and cadence as the lady answering the phones in the movie Office Space.

Upon my third arrival at the mother ship I’m again greeted by bb the third who acts as if he has never even seen me before. I ask him to check that everything is in order because this is my third attempt to get this package out to which he replies in a voice of surprise: oh yeah, you were in here earlier right? I said yes, I was just here an hour ago. He tells me that everything is in order and I said “third times a charm!” I then told him I’d make a bet with him for $100 that my package would never reach its destination. He declined to take the bet. They’ll probably ship the damn thing to my return address on Monday!

After the cost of my time, gas, wear & tear, insurance, registration, loss of IQ points and shortening of lifespan I should have just smashed the gun with a sledge hammer and bought a new one! With my concealed carry permit I can purchase and walk out of the store with any gun in a matter of minutes!

Next stop was at the bank to make a mortgage payment. Of course I get a teller trainee who has apparently never used a PC before. She doesn’t appear to be as fucked up as bb’s mother who I’d met earlier at the shipping store but looks can be deceiving. I dub her bb’s grandmother as she continually says: I’m sorry sir! while she incompetently strikes computer keys. After about ten minutes she finishes my transaction and hands me a receipt.

I step over to another desk to close a savings account which initially earned me a discount on my mortgage but no longer serves any purpose except to generate a statement every month. I’m greeted by what turned out to be bb’s sister. She too seemed to have never operated a PC before and uttered the dreaded and meaningless: I’m sorry sir! as she tried to complete the task at hand. With my Fortress of Assholitude coming into view I began to breathe a sigh of relief when bb’s sister asks me the stupidest question I’ve ever heard as she tried to make small talk while incompetently fingering her keyboard…………So, are you happy with your mortgage? F u c k m e d e a d! I looked at her and said no actually, I’m not. To which I again hear: I’m sorry sir! What seems to be the problem? I just said “I have one!” She looked confused before acting like she got it.

I’m now referring to this bb-esque increase in stupidity among the public as The Quickening! My wife and I went out to dinner last night. The hostess seated us with menus. After about two minutes the waitress comes over and asks if we are ready to order and I say not yet to which she asks: Do you need a few more minutes? I just looked at my wife and said “I’m telling you, it’s The Quickening!” My wife got a big laugh out of it and continues to laugh as we work around the yard this weekend with me constantly saying: I’m thorry thir! in my best Bullwinkle voice!

We are truly doomed!

Stucky kicks ASS because he:
1. Makes me laugh. You should re-tell the CO2 alarm story.
2. Is Da Judge.
3. Is fair.
4. Loves his Mama.
5. Loves his Papa.
6. Loves his seester even though she’s a Libtard. (or something like that)
7. Is the interwebs searching MASTER!
8. Is Austrian.
9. Loves his son
10. Genuinely cares about people.
11. Hates copfuks.
12. Coined the term copfuks.
13. Has big floppy moobs.
14. Pulls no punches.
15. Admits his mistakes.
16. Cares about Mrs. Freud.
17. Promised not to read posts by the bearded one.
18. Contributes to the awesomeness of TBP with numerous posts.
19. Uses the “word” Moran.
20. Hates Joisey.
21. Knows The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
22. Teaches me about natural health remedies.
23. Likes to “poke the bear” meaning courthouse guards and admin.
24. Reliably ruffles SSS feathers.
25. Always tries to be a better man.
26. Is the Doppel MASTER.
27. Is the Doppel MASTER. He’s so good I had to mention it twice.
28. Suckered me in as PhD in Geology.
29. I’m still not certain that he is not bb and El Coyote deep undercover.
30. Hates Oreo.
31. Hates Mooshell.
32. Is the Big Dogs Big Dog.
33. Es muy guapo.
34. Is a Boomer!
35. Took the Red Pill.
36. Has a great sense of humor.
37. Wished me well when I had ankle surgery.
38. Is going to borrow his sisters phone to call that number he saw on the bathroom wall.
39. Served in the BEST branch of the US Military…….The U.S.A.F.!
40. Lightens admin’s load by posting articles.
41. Will secretly read the bearded ones posts and eventually blow a gasket and comment on one.
42. Frequently blows his own cover while doppeling.
43. Goes to a gay wedding and is a good sport about it.
44.  IS going to send me one troy ounce of silver!
45. Lacks discipline.
46. Shares recipes with the STM.
47. Embraces the DOOM.
48. Always says something I want to read.
49. Considers me a big dog even though I’ll never make that claim.
50. Is still a kid at heart.

I fucking hate child molesters. If there is such a thing as Hell, I hope there is a special place there just for them.

(A note from Nicholas Kristof: In 1993, accusations that Woody Allen had abused his adoptive daughter, Dylan Farrow, filled the headlines, part of a sensational story about the celebrity split between Allen and his girlfriend, Mia Farrow. This is a case that has been written about endlessly, but this is the first time that Dylan Farrow herself has written about it in public. It’s important to note that Woody Allen was never prosecuted in this case and has consistently denied wrongdoing; he deserves the presumption of innocence. So why publish an account of an old case on my blog? Partly because the Golden Globe lifetime achievement award to Allen ignited a debate about the propriety of the award. Partly because the root issue here isn’t celebrity but sex abuse. And partly because countless people on all sides have written passionately about these events, but we haven’t fully heard from the young woman who was at the heart of them. I’ve written a column about this, but it’s time for the world to hear Dylan’s story in her own words.)

Link to Dylan’s letter is here.

A new supernova was discovered a few days ago by an amateur astronomer. This is a type1a supernova caused by the gravitational collapse of a red giant star. For a very brief moment, supernovae become brighter than every other star in their galaxy combined. This one was discovered in a very bright galaxy that is easily visible in small telescopes.

http://www.universetoday.com/108386/bright-new-supernova-blows-up-in-nearby-m82-the-cigar-galaxy/

The animation below shows pre and post discovery images.

 

I made the trip over to Seattle and back yesterday for my six week post-op appointment at the hoof and ankle bone clinic. The surgeon came in, had a quick visual look at my hoof then studied the most recent x-rays and declared his work and my recovery a success! After nearly ten years of agony that had me crawling on my knees at times, I felt like doing a back flip and kissing the man! Those few, simple words brought me more joy and relief than I have experienced a VERY long time! An enormous weight has been lifted!

About two hours into the drive home I was overcome with a sudden wave of emotion that had me crying like a baby. I had to pull over because I couldn’t see! Finally, the years of pain, misery and putting my life on hold are nearly over! It was just more than I could ever allow myself to hope for, or even dream of. My reaction to the news caught me off guard as I’m not prone to outbursts like that.

I’ve still got 4-6 weeks of progressive weight bearing in a boot and then months of work to get back full range of motion and strength. I started very minimal weight bearing while I was at work last night! I’ve been walking improperly for so long that it will take time just to walk properly! As opposed to most other physical therapy, I have to discontinue it for 24 hours at the first sign of pain which means it will be a long and slow recovery. According to the surgeon, bone grafts like this do not enjoy being irritated.

I knew this time was different about 24 hours after the surgery. The pain, swelling and bruising have been minimal during the entire recovery and my range of motion has been very good. I swear I saw a wave of pride come over the surgeon yesterday as he was looking at the images and just before he gave me the news. How the hell do I express gratitude to this guy and his assistants?

On top of that, a person had to die in order to provide the slightly used bone/cartilage graft I received. That whole thing still freaks me out. I received a card in the mail encouraging me to write a letter to the family of the donor. It is an anonymous process. All I know about the donor is that it was an adult male from the west coast. If both the donor family and recipient agree, communication can be via mail or phone or even face to face meetings. Such a gift surely deserves an expression of gratitude. The best I can come up with is to live a full and decent life.

It’s been one hell of an experience and not one I wish to repeat! I keep picturing Gene Wilder from Young Frankenstein commanding me to “Rise and Walk”. A friend and co-worker said it best last night when he said that once I get back to walking, I’m going to be like a little boy who discovers his wiener for the first time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No offense to our resident TBP doctors but you really do have to be your own doctor these days. I made a little discovery yesterday afternoon that has all but eliminated the need for pain pills. Normally I’d be rather pissed off at such a discovery but the decrease in pain is enough to just enjoy it.

My very first sensation in the recovery room when asked to rate my pain was that it felt like someone had a clamp on my ankle and was squeezing the hell out of it. They said they had not heard that one before but they didn’t seem concerned about it so I figured it was ok. Besides, I had two nerve block procedures  and everything was numb to the touch anyway.

I started taking pain pills before the nerve block wore off as advised but by 8:00am I was in absolute agony! I was writhing on the bed it hurt so damn bad and that was with a full dose of pain meds on board!  It took hours for the nursing and pharmacy staff to call me back so so I just practiced biofeedback until they called. The biofeedback helped quite a bit.

Part of my procedure involved cutting off the lower portion of the tibia called the medial malleollus to give them access to the joint. To help accommodate the swelling and to protect the joint, I was fitted with a Jones splint before waking up. What I discovered yesterday was that the splint had slipped down so that the narrowest part of the splint was now around my ankle and pushing on the reattached medial malleollus and squeezing the entire joint. I used a belt under my heel to pull the splint back up into proper position and the pain was gone almost immediately! It was like someone hit the off switch!

I’ve mentioned here before that I have a huge tolerance for pain so I was really shocked at how much pain I had. After my last surgery I only took about two doses of pain pills before stopping them. Now that I’ve sorted the splint out, I can honestly say that at rest, my pain level is lower now that it was before the surgery which is very encouraging because it never quit hurting prior to surgery. Because I’ve had the thing elevated since surgery, swelling appears to be very minimal and I’m feeling pretty good about the whole situation now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, I’m not talking about llpoh, dammit though I wish I were! I’s misses hims!

It seems that I woke up on the green side of the lawn after ankle surgery so I’m back! The pain level is off the fucking charts even with the pain meds.  I’m told everything went well surgically but most of the discussions are just a foggy memory at this point.

Before I could be discharged I was told that I had to urinate but I had no urge to go. They had my head up and feet up so after about an hour of them checking on me for progress I said that perhaps this un-natural position was part of the problem so they put my feet down. An hour later I told them that standing would help so they they got me up on one leg and I told the nurse to make running water noises. She was not amused. When they got me up, I discovered I was sitting in a pool of feces and what looked like a rather large amount of blood. It seems they gave me two nerve block injections and the one in my thigh caused to to bleed quite a bit and it put my wiener and corn-hole to sleep resulting in a lack of control of the latter and no feeling in the former. An hour or so later I finally squeezed out a few drops and they sent me on my way.

They are sending me to a pain doctor tomorrow to get the pain under control. Current pain meds are suppressing my breathing to very low levels and not having the desired effect on the pain. The mental stress of having someone else’s bone in me is making me sick to my stomach so I need to address that as well. It’s just a mental hurdle but one that is proving tough to clear. Oh, and the damn antibiotics are causing me to itch and break out in a rash.

Not having a real good time right now but every minute that goes by is a minute closer to finally being rid of this nearly decade long problem!

My wife is a real trooper! Marrying her nearly 25 years ago was definitely the right decision!