This is from a real article that popped up on MSN regarding things that an interviewee might do to turn off a potential employer.
The top list consisted of things that were mostly normal, i.e. not making eye contact, not appropriately dressed for position, weak handshake, etc…
But then the last list was the most outrageous (see excerpt below). It’s Friday so have a laugh but remember that truth is often stranger than fiction.
When asked to share the most outrageous mistakes candidates made during a job interview, employers gave the following real-life examples:
- Applicant warned the interviewer that she “took too much valium” and didn’t think her interview was indicative of her personality
- Applicant acted out a Star Trek role
- Applicant answered a phone call for an interview with a competitor
- Applicant arrived in a jogging suit because he was going running after the interview
- Applicant asked for a hug
- Applicant attempted to secretly record the interview
- Applicant brought personal photo albums
- Applicant called himself his own personal hero
- Applicant checked Facebook during the interview
- Applicant crashed her car into the building
- Applicant popped out his teeth when discussing dental benefits
- Applicant kept her iPod headphones on during the interview
- Applicant set fire to the interviewer’s newspaper while reading it when the interviewer said “Impress me”
- Applicant said that he questioned his daughter’s paternity
- Applicant wanted to know the name and phone number of the receptionist because he really liked her
Original HERE.
On my son’s life, this is a true story.
I went on a job interview. 15 minutes or so into the interview I realized I didn’t give a rats ass one way or another as to getting the job.
So the owner of the company asks me one of those goddamned retarded questions that I hate — “So, Stucky, how much money would you like to make here in the coming year?” This was shortly after he asked the all-time retarded question –“Where do you see yourself in five years?” Anyway, regarding the money question forcefully and without hesitation — “One million dollars.”. Like I said, I didn’t really care.
He should have told me to take a hike. Right? But, noooooo. He LUUUUVES the answer. I got the job. He later told me the answer was brash but it also showed a lot of aggressive confidence …. just want he wanted in a sales manager.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts I worked for an India based company where I was only one of two white people. Yeah … it was that owner.
“Where do you see yourself in five years?” is the most asinine question of all. Rather than worrying about how well I will mesh with coworkers and my technical expertise, they devise bullshit questions that tell you fuck all nothing about how I am as an employee.
HP
There are millions of people on 99 weeks of paid vacation (unemployment benefits). I know people who did some pretty crazy shit to get fired or laid off, thus qualifying for unemployment. Some people on benefits actually have to prove they are looking for jobs to get their entitlements. They have no desire to get a job, when they get paid to sit on their asses. So, during job interviews they make damn sure they won’t be offered a job. I give them credit for their creativity.
Possible responses that ACTUALLY crossed my mind when I hear — “Where would you like to be in 5 years?”
1. Jesus fuckin Krist. Not again!!
2. Obviously I want YOUR job. (Then I can fire your sorry ass.)
3. I wonder if this dickweed has any ORIGINAL and USEFUL questions.
4. How the fuck do I know? Do I look like Carnac the Magnificent?
5. If I’m still working for you I’ll probably have killed myself.
6. I get bored easily so I’ll probably have quit by then.
And this this … which is actually a serious question …
7. What the fuck does this dweeb WANT to hear?
#4, I may use that one. Hilarious.
KaD
Ain’t that a pile of horseshit?
Lesson learned: Race Card trumps, you know, Actual Accomplishments
Harry ,truth is not stranger then fiction..are you on drugs? Truth will set you free but first it will make you miserable. That’s why most people hate the truth even on this site.An example ,Harry you are a Godless ,evil ,wicked ,sinful man .Your religion is idolatry.You hide behind your pride and rationalizations while at the same time you think you are wise and pretty smart.Self deceived people like you are just like the politicians you hate.When you condemn them you condemn yourself .One last thing,you are just as full of violence and hate as the cops you hate.You just don’t have a badge.Now that’s the truth and you are miserable.
I know 3 people that got fired/laid off when Obama and the democrats increased unemployment benefits to 99 weeks some years ago. Believe it or not, the FSA pays very close attention to what the government is doing in regards to handing out free shit. The 99 weeks of unemployment benefits announcement caused a Teutonic shift in employment around here.
#1. Used to work road construction, got himself laid off by volunteering, started getting unemployment checks and hasn’t returned to work since (2 years later) despite having been called back to work multiple times.
#2. I know a girl who worked at Wal Mart, and managed to get herself laid off for poor performance, since around here they can’t fire anyone because they can’t find anyone to work who can a) pass a drug screen b) isn’t getting welfare, disability, or already on unemployment. Two years later, she’s still on unemployment. She readily admits she only got the job at Wal Mart so she could get laid off and get unemployment.
#3. A lazy nurse at the hospital, sat on her obese ass and played computer games, fingered her phone, and picked her ass, got herself laid off. Two years later, she’s still collecting unemployment benefits, and is now applying for disability.
The most valuable commodity in today’s job market is the black female. They are actually worth their weight in gold, because you can fill TWO quotas with one person. And, if you’ve ever been to the DMV, or any government office, or any large company, you quickly notice their large number and positions of authority. And like the rest of the 60% of blacks that openly admit to hating whites, they don’t much care for anyone not like themselves.
Kad ,I may have you confused with someone else but you have been looking for a job a long time.Ever think about going into business yourself.That might be your best bet.That’s what I did after I got laid off
In 2008.I just finally realized it was going to be impossible to get my old job back.I will probably have to work the rest of my life but that’s OK.
Black ,female and handicapped ,that’s the ace in affirmative action.
” They are actually worth their weight in gold,”
I reckon that’s about $4,561,200 on average, at today’s prices.
stucky,
that’s some funny shit right there, that’s a bold answer. i also hate the “5 year question”
It is also good to know that even prospective employers referred to you as “Stucky”
a few years back i interviewed with a very large company for a manufacturing engineer position ( i was sick of my a-hole boss and was looking almost anything that i was qualified for).
i didn’t need to research the company because they were so big but i couldn’t find any specifics about what the location I was interviewing specialized in.
Shortly after i arrived they went through a spiel and i found out that this facility’s main product was female hygene products.They asked me the typical questions which included the 5 year plan bs.
I had no interest so when they asked me if i had any questions i asked the interviewer what was his “5 year plan”. he wasn’t amused and i didn’t get a callback or an offer but that is fine, I didn’t want to be a tampon engineer anyway.
@KaD – When I graduated in ’09 with my undergrad they were asking for 2-3 years of experience in addition to the degree for entry level positions.
I looked similar positions last week (friend needs a job) and wouldn’t ya know it, but those same jobs now have mandatory 5 year experience for entry level positions.
And Masters preferred.
So this is the trend…
’01-06: 12-15 science/lab credit hours required, BS preferred
’07-’08: BS required, 2-3 years experience preferred
’09-’12: BS required, 3 years experience required
’14: BS required, 5 years required, Masters preferred
The fucking scale keeps sliding upwards. The only people that can land jobs are the ones willing to work for free, or the ones who lucked out and are old enough to always land on the right side of the “preferred experience” side of the curve.
Of course, on the far side of that is when the resume exceeds requirements too much. Oh you have 15 years in the field? You are overqualified, they won’t hire someone like you.
These days the only way to make a living is on the barter economy.
AMD,
Krugman & Obama have assured us that no one prefers a handout to a job. No one. So you are obviously lying, and those anecdotal people you mentioned don’t exist. Nor do the people I know exist who also milk the unemployment benefit system as long as possible. None of them exist. Practically everyone in the country knows someone who’s milking unemployment, but they don’t really exist, according to Krugman, Obama, Reid & Schumer.
While Black and Female may be “kill two birds with one stone”, being WHITE and female puts you at the bottom of the stack.
Being White and Female and Over Age 50 means you’d better get very entrepreneurial very quickly, or find a way to maneuver yourself onto disability.
It also means having being exploited to the max by your current employer, who knows that a) you could win a mega millions lottery payout as easily find another decent job, and b) you’d be worse off on unemployment or disability, and c) you’ll do anything to hang onto your paycheck and not have to sell your condo and spend down your savings.
Your ambition and drive to better yourself by learning more, becoming more qualified in your field, obtaining more certifications (at considerable monetary cost to yourself), and doing extra work, will be duly rewarded by a nice dinner once in a while and a pat on the back, as your pay and hours are cut but you are expected to continue to accept the same level of responsibility. You’ll just have to squeeze all the work you were expected to do previously into shorter hours, because you need your extra time to get contract work and network.
“Over Age 50 means you’d better get very entrepreneurial very quickly, or find a way to maneuver yourself onto disability.”
Interesting point. I haven’t met a single woman that failed to get on disability. There seems to be some kind of bias against white males (imagine that) that they should be working and are turned down for disability at a much higher rate. I see women all day long on disability for mental problems, depression, sore back from obesity, that just don’t want to have to work, and don’t think they should have to work. The disability judges obviously agree with them, and disability lawyers will take ANY case involving a woman. I’ve seen white males die from cancer while being denied disability. Boomer women especially are getting on disability by the millions. Another nail in the coffin of the white male I suppose.
HR folks suck. I am afraid to say what they suck lest I offend Google and get the Admin in trouble.
Harry ,no reply?Are still miserable or just a coward?
I know of no over-50 ex-colleague laid off in the past 6 years of massive head count reductions who has found a job that was not either contract or extremely high turnover, and most remain unemployed even 5 years after layoff.
50-64? No Job For You!