WAL-MART FREAKS OF THE WEEK

I want to follow her around to see if anyone throws a ball through her hair.

How do you like your booty? Over the top or under the cheek?

This is how I high-step into the weekend.

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Remember that time when the devil dropped off a box of snakes in the Walmart parking lot? Where is Samuel Jackson when you need him.

I’m not gonna lie, I’d pay good money and grab my popcorn to see whatever ballet performance she is in. Train wreck central.

Appears as though a few pirates have dropped anchor to claim their booty.

I mean, if I were working there I wouldn’t stop him on his way out to try and make him pay for it. Vikings plunder, it’s what they do. I’m not taking an axe to the chest over some Natty Ice.

That’s odd. I thought the weird creepy lady in the neighborhood never left her big run-down house that all the kids swear is haunted.

Great day today for those of you with a foot fetish. I’m just trying to figure out which set of feet I’d prefer to be; Hanging from my ex-wife or shoeless in Wally World. It’s honestly a toss up for me.

Liar, liar, pants on fire….Seriously though, rock bottom has a new poster child.

Read the whole story here »

In today’s episode of Tales From the Walmart Crypt, I lose my shit and quit life.

Ohhhhh it’s like a real life choose your own adventure. What’s your fill in the blank?

Jealousy is an ugly bitch. Your new insurance premium after this is about to be uglier though.

I haven’t the slightest idea of what went wrong here. Did you have the long hair and man bun and someone decided to teach you a lesson by only leaving the bun? Is it some sort of hair-art piece? Like when you let it down it’s a curtain that when pulled back reveals what looks like a chubby pug shaved into your head? I’m just taken back and I need an explanation.

After all these years of practicing everyday you’d think she would be able to figure out this whole clothing thing by now.

They don’t call them Fruit of the Loom for nothing.

Things I’ve learned in the past week or two: If you’re on the run, don’t stop at Walmart. No matter how convenient, it’s like the first stop they look at. Don’t dye your hair there, don’t shop for groceries with the teenager you kidnapped. You’re going to be seen.

No need for the ghostly dramatics, I’m already scared out of my mind.

Probably smart on PornHub to start sponsoring the all-stars in their “self-sport”.

That’s basically how I see other people’s children anyway.

See more freaks at People of Wal-Mart