The Textalyzer

Guest Post by Eric Peters

Yes, really.

They are working on a gadget that can tell the polizei whether you’ve been texting while driving.

For your saaaaaaaaaaaaaaafety – as depressingly always.

An Israeli company called Cellebrite – which sounds like the latest “ask your doctor about” pill to cure your ills – has ginned up this altogether different pill. Real-time and probable cause-free dragnet monitoring of people’s cell phone use and driving, so as to roust people who dare to ignore no-texting-while-driving statutes.

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Automatically, furtively. Everyone. The cops in collusion with your sail fawn “provider,” as they are styled. You won’t know – until they let you know they know.

A police state technology from a police state country – what a surprise.

The Textalyzer would work in much the same way as a Breathalyzer does except it would be in your car and on all the time instead of by the side of the road – and with a cop demanding that you blow into the thing.

No checkpoints necessary. They’ll just check on you all the time – without you even having to slow down. Think of the manpower it will save. Think of the revenue it will generate!

Think of the fear it will impart. Which of course is just the point.

Like Santa – but not jolly at all – they will know, so to speak, when you are sleeping and know when you’re awake…

(And there is wonder why people – especially the young – are growing weary of cars and of driving. I stopped flying for very similar reasons; if I am going to be processed like a convicted felon I want to be convicted of a felony first.)

New York  – the first American state to become a Safety State, the first state to depart from the usual practice – in free countries – of restraining people from harming others but otherwise not pestering them to restraining them from potentially harming themselves via mandatory “buckle up” (or else) and helmet laws – is “reviewing” possible (read: certain) implementation of the Textalyzer.

Bet your Bippie.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo – this is the guy who also supported outlawing sodas over a certain size – finger wags that “despite laws (that) ban cellphone use while driving, some motorists still continue to insist ion texting behind the wheel . . .”

Oh, the humanity.

They also some of them drive unbuckled and maybe have a beer with their dinner before heading home. Cue conniption fit.

The particularly creepy thing about the Textalyzer, though, is that it goes beyond merely Big Momma buckle-up and helmet laws, which can still be evaded – and should be, since they are affronts to freedom. If we are not free to assume risks for ourselves, we are essentially minor children who will never reach the age of 18 and assume adulthood.

Cue Cuomo – who very much wants to parent us all. And all the time. That is the difference here.

Textalzyer is exactly like having a cop riding in the passenger seat, observing your every move. Worse, actually – because you think you’re alone in your car but you’re not. That sail fawn in your pocket is narcing on you, in real time all the time.

It is as if everyone voluntarily agreed to wear an ankle bracelet, like the ones they affix to minor criminals who are given supervised release. That’s what carrying a sail fawn on you amounts to. Even if it’s off, by the way. Did you know that?

But texting while driving is dangerous!

Sigh.

When done by some people, yes. Maybe. Sometimes. But others are capable of doing it without it necessarily being dangerous. A fact of the same species as the fact that some people have better eyesight and physical coordination than others. And that some people are simply better drivers than others.

Equality of abilities is nonsense.

Americans have lost sight of such facts – or just don’t care about them anymore. Everything becomes a one-size-fits-all jihad, based on the least common denominator.

If an appallingly bad driver can’t safely negotiate a curve in the road at 35 MPH it becomes illegal “speeding” to take the corner any faster – for everyone. Including those who can negotiate the curve more safely – being in more control of their car – at 45 MPH.

If an enfeebled, glaucomic old lady can’t judge the distance and speed of oncoming traffic at an intersection, right-on-red becomes illegal for everyone – including those who are not enfeebled and who can see and correctly estimate the distance/speed of oncoming traffic and make a right on red without imperiling anyone’s “safety.”

Instead of separating the wheat from the chaff, everyone is presumed chaff.

It is a recipe for Idiocracy – the real thing predicted by the ’90s movie.

And, for tyranny.

A working definition of which is the persecution of people who’ve done nothing except transgress a statute.

This is now the main reason people are hassled, corralled, monitored, controlled and – increasingly -punished. Not for anything they’ve done to cause harm but because a nervous ninny worries they might – that worry having become The Law.

Our freedoms are so easily surrendered.

And for what? The idea that, somehow, we will be perfectly protected and perfectly safe – provided we exchange the risk that something bad might happen for the certainty that it will.

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24 Comments
Anonymous
Anonymous
July 31, 2017 9:20 am

Texting while driving poses a direct danger to others, both drivers and pedestrians, on the road the same way drinking and driving does.

I imagine Libertarians will take serious issue with laws against both drinking and texting while driving, they seemingly claiming the unfettered right to endanger anyone and everyone anywhere they go in the name personal liberty.

Llpoh
Llpoh
  Anonymous
July 31, 2017 9:25 am

As a rule I am against any law that punishes for what MIGHT happen.

Want to skin them alive (literally) for killing someone while drunk or because of texting? Fine by me. But to punish them for not having actually done anything? Umm, no.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Anonymous
July 31, 2017 10:23 am

So if I hand my phone to my daughter and tell her to text her mom that we’ll be home in an hour, how much prison time should I get?

Dutchman
Dutchman
  Iska Waran
July 31, 2017 11:36 am

You living in the PDR of Minneapolis – 100 years.

Dutchman
Dutchman
July 31, 2017 9:42 am

But others are capable of doing it without it necessarily being dangerous.

This is a load of shit.

Llpoh
Llpoh
  Dutchman
July 31, 2017 10:02 am

Dutch – I have zero doubt there are people who could text with both hands and a foot simultaneously without being a danger to themselves or anyone else. Somewhere out there is the Lebron James of texting, for sure and certain. Go watch Teller of Penn and Teller do card tricks or manipulate a ball around on a thread.

Dutchman
Dutchman
  Llpoh
July 31, 2017 11:34 am

This is a risk for nothing. If it’s that important pull off.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
  Dutchman
July 31, 2017 10:27 am

There are voice-activated texting programs. It doesn’t take much to reply O M W. Probably less dangerous than trying to eat a Whopper without the tomato falling into your lap. The control freaks can justify anything in the name of safety.

james the deplorable wanderer
james the deplorable wanderer
  Iska Waran
July 31, 2017 12:42 pm

“The control freaks can justify anything in the name of safety.”
THIS ^^^. It’s all about control, and control freaks seeking ultimate control.
BE uncontrollable.
[One of the hardest things to teach in industrial automation is the concept of allowable limits. If the level in a pressure vessel is between X and Y, it’s OK. It doesn’t have to be exactly X+2 feet deep in order to function properly; the “wiggle” allowed between X and Y is VITAL, in order to prevent LOSS OF CONTROL. See, nearly all inputs are variable to some extent; you might get 5V +or- 0.02 V, for example. If your control system is so weak that it can only tolerate 5V EXACTLY, then once the inputs vary sufficiently your system is screwed; it will go crazy trying to deal with inputs that don’t fit the system.
Societies are the same way. If the ONLY thing you can manage is mindless obedience to the ideology, then the slightest deviation of reality from the ideology is going to bring chaos. ]
We are quite nearly there, because idiots that do not understand control theory are trying to design societies. Prepare now, for reality is HIGHLY variable.

Klif
Klif
July 31, 2017 10:21 am

“Texting while driving poses a direct danger to others, both drivers and pedestrians, on the road the same way drinking and driving does”

Drinking and driving is not the problem, rather driving while intoxicated.
Neither is texting and driving for SOME people. I know some who can text without looking at their phone, just like I can type this without looking at my keyboard.

If you wish to consider everything that is a danger to others, then surely you must consider the government intervention into your lives as the greatest danger of all.
If you can’t see that, then surely you are ever so blind…………………

Rob
Rob
July 31, 2017 10:24 am

Millions of 20 somethings are driving around today texting their brains out and ten of them kill somebody, or themselves and you handwringing nannys feel that you have the right to save the children by deleting a right. Sure why not just delete all the rights. That’s where you are heading anyway. Just go whole hog and tear up that pesky bill of rights so you don’t have to worry about it in court.

Sieg Heil motha fukas.

DaBirds (The day the music died...)
DaBirds (The day the music died...)
July 31, 2017 10:58 am

Daily I see drivers weaving down the highways at high speeds as they f**k around on their latest i-gadget. Daily I find myself screaming at them to get the f**k off their phones and pay attention to the road. Daily I want to take every g*****n cell phone and smash it to pieces. How did these people get from point a to point b in the past without having a cell phone glued to their ear or their eyes glued to the screen?????

I have been a professional driver, taught professional driving and anyone who believes that any use of cell phone while driving is not distracting to the driver has no clue as to what they are talking about!!

I hate “Big Brother”, but these morans on their stupid effing phones drive me, (no pun intended) nuts!!

Rant over, now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Have a real nice day!

Dutchman
Dutchman
  DaBirds (The day the music died...)
July 31, 2017 11:29 am

Every day, I drive in-town freeways. I’ll see a car drift left, then right, then slow way down…..

These fuckers are on the phone or texting.

Klif
Klif
  Dutchman
July 31, 2017 2:08 pm

Dutch
Couldn’t agree with you more, but the fact is I am NOT willing to give up my freedoms for what you think is your safety. There are a thousand things that can distract a driver besides a phone, so what do you propose to do about them.
How about we just pass a law where everyone has to call a taxi, maybe that would make everyone “safe”.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Klif
July 31, 2017 5:03 pm

Me being able to text while driving isn’t a freedom.

Klif
Klif
  Anonymous
July 31, 2017 5:47 pm

Do not agree with that. Any time someone tells me I cannot do something, that is a loss of freedom. Who are you to tell me what I can or can not do. That is not to say that I agree that it is ok to text and drive, but it is not up to you or anybody else to say whether I can.

Macumazahn
Macumazahn
  Klif
August 1, 2017 11:59 pm

So, if I want to take target practice by shooting as close as I can to your head, that’s all fine, because “it is not up to you or anybody else to say whether I can.” Who are you to tell me what I may or may not do?

TampaRed
TampaRed
July 31, 2017 12:23 pm

The big bro part of this is caca but texting while moving is dangerous.
Wait till you get to a light and then piss off the others behind you when you don’t notice it turn green.

RFas
RFas
July 31, 2017 12:52 pm

Hands waving and pointing, head (often gray) swiveling, generally 90Deg. right -passenger equally engaged with NO attention to traffic (me) scares me more than a very alert, competent teen texting pro. We need a gadget to keep any more than one woman in the drivers (front) seat locked into 10/2, eyes forward. (Is a gag pushing it?)

BTW: CONTROL?! Read Skenasys short on control from birth in the Sept. Reason. Then combine and advance. Sign me up for the movement.

NopaleAnna
NopaleAnna
  RFas
July 31, 2017 3:20 pm

Teen texting “pro”? Serious? Maybe we could give them a special test to qualify for a text-and-drive license, that comes with a little snowflake sticker affixed to the license plate. Of course, they or their gray swivel-head relatives should be expected to pay for this privilege, not us. It’s only fair.

Card802
Card802
July 31, 2017 4:08 pm

In my little town they have sting operations where unmarked police seek out “distracted” drivers to ticket.

The unmarked car will radio to a marked car who will then pull over the distracted driver. It’s up to the discretion of the officer to determine what the distraction is.
According to a article in the local on line rag it could be texting, phone use, changing the radio station, talking to a passenger, drinking a morning coffee, etc.

Under the guise of our safety is the never ending search for new laws that generate new revenue.

This device will not eliminate the cost of the unmarked car and the two occupants (one to focus on driving “safely” and the other to spot future marks) but include them in the hunt as well.

ChaChing.

AnarchoPagan
AnarchoPagan
July 31, 2017 4:21 pm

Dutch, if their driving is visibly impaired or erratic, then surely there is no need for surveillance devices to monitor their cell phone use? Do you not understand probable cause?

BiBiBop
BiBiBop
July 31, 2017 9:17 pm

And then there’s driving while Asian. Seriously… when will our overlords protect the rest of us from them?