AUBURN, CA—Local 36-year-old man Nate Ripley, who identifies as a six-year-old, “absolutely crushed” a game-winning homer at a local tee-ball game and won the championship for his team Monday evening, reports confirmed.
Ripley reportedly walked up to the plate in the bottom of the 6th, pointed his bat toward the left-field wall looming 130 feet in the distance, and let her rip, sending the ball rocketing over the fence and into a parking lot as the fans cheered and his coach yelled out, “Attaboy, Nate! Good job, bud!”
His team, the Lil’ Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.
Ripley’s feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.
“I’m just proud to be here with my team. It’s all for the love of the game,” an emotional Ripley told reporters while enjoying an orange slice and juice box after the championship. “I couldn’t have done it without my team.”
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Babylon Bee knocked it out of the park with this one.
They get better and better… ?
Bartender who identifies as religious adviser doles out bible lessons to patrons during happy hour. The church of the golden tap is popular with people who aren’t quite ready to make a sharp U-turn in life. ‘Baby steps’ said one patron who said he was curtailing his drinking with the help of the bar’s pastor.
Religious advisor? You need to pay more attention.
Not referring to you at all. You and Bea gave me the idea and I will make sure Admin credits your account with TBP Coin. The real joke is that one guy is taking small steps towards redemption.
I visited TBP and ended up at the Onion?
If you can’t handle the fluff, you definitely won’t like the hard stuff. Aren’t you missing the Pride parade?