CDC: People With Dirt On Clintons Have 843% Greater Risk Of Suicide

Via The Babylon Bee

ATLANTA, GA – According to a report from the Centers for Disease Control released on Thursday, people with inside, compromising knowledge of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s financial and political dealings are 843% more likely to commit suicide.

“We’ve never seen a single risk factor cause a spike of this magnitude,” a CDC spokesperson told reporters. “Interestingly, in spite of their increased suicide risk, people with dirt on the Clintons rarely show any warning signs of suicide, and they never leave a suicide note.”

Remarking about how abnormal it is, the spokesman again stressed the significance of the data.

“Therefore, we advise any American with detrimental information about Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, or the Clinton Foundation to forget about it as quickly as possible to avoid a greatly increased probability of taking your own life,” he cautioned.

“And—I swear—that’s all we know.”

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27 Comments
MrLiberty
MrLiberty
July 25, 2019 7:59 pm

Again, the BEE is more truthful and accurate than the MSM.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  MrLiberty
July 26, 2019 12:33 am

Attila the Hun and Dr. Goebbels were more truthful than the MSM and Dimocrats.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  Anonymous
July 26, 2019 10:37 am

I’m curious why you picked Attila. Goebbels I get.

Cootie Catcher
Cootie Catcher
July 25, 2019 8:19 pm

It can really mess with your mind, and make you think supernatural powers are protecting you, because you are such a wonderful human being.

Iska Waran
Iska Waran
July 25, 2019 10:10 pm

The establishment-approved joke is that Epstein’s safety is endangered by “the Clintons” and that he will die of Arkancide. Hardy har har. Let’s get real. Epstein has almost certainly been an agent for Mossad. If anyone is out to get Epstein it’s the Mossad and/or the CIA.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  Iska Waran
July 25, 2019 10:34 pm

Or any of the hundreds if not thousands of folks he has dirt on.

Bookdoc
Bookdoc
  MrLiberty
July 25, 2019 11:43 pm

I’m surprised he’s still alive now!

55 Chevy - Mexican by birth - American by coyote
55 Chevy - Mexican by birth - American by coyote
  Bookdoc
July 26, 2019 12:47 am

They could also just scramble his brains and claim the isolation drove him nuts. Fatso Judson did such a number on Maggio (the novel, not the movie).

Anonymous
Anonymous

Make him spend 3 solid days with Pelosi, same affect.

bob
bob
July 26, 2019 9:13 am

The phenomenon is remarkable. The Clintons have obviously well seeded local and national law enforcement as well as judges all across America. America the beautiful has become America the lawless. Pity, that.

Cather
Cather
  bob
July 26, 2019 10:16 am

@bob, You do know that is a fake story right? The Babylon Bee is a satirical site. They are proud of sending real fake news. Haha They are like The Onion. They can be very funny. Satire is if it is done right.

MrLiberty
MrLiberty
  Cather
July 26, 2019 10:39 am

But in this case, the satire is 100% accurate, even if the exact percentage number might be made up. Plenty of search engines will give you links to the “Clinton Death List.” Many of these folks died by inexplicable “suicides.”

Cather
Cather
  MrLiberty
July 26, 2019 12:18 pm

Ha so a search enging throws up other stories that people like you to didn’t verify either and you think that is proof of something…of anything? Do you understand how foolish that sounds? You didn’t check this one and it was an easy one. Are we suppose to believe you checked others with an agenda harder to glean or even someone who mistakenly posted it as the truth because their whole identity and agenda depend on it and then it got repeated over and over again by people who wanted it to be true? It’s highschool 101. I have no skin in the game so can be objectinve but I can also do that when It is my side. Can you? My country also has penalties like you use to for broadcasting lies or misinformation real News casts so even if there is a bias left or right it still needs to be the truth and this isn’t. I don’t even like Clinton. I think he is a creep as a man. The Clinton chronicles which started a lot of these conspiracy theories including this list, was a hit piece propaganda, proven to be full of lies and agenda and motivated by spite. Did your search engine put up those links too or did you ignore those? “To promote the film, Falwell aired an interview with Matrisciana, who was silhouetted to conceal his identity as he pretended to be a journalist who was afraid for his life.[1] Matrisciana later acknowledged that he was not in any danger, but that the interview was staged for dramatic effect at Falwell’s suggestion” I judge a man by his own beliefs and if he is following them. And if his actions and deeds match his words. Bearing false witness again. Get behind me Satan! 🙂

P.S. The satire was accurate. You just don’t realize they were satirizing you and people like you lol YOU WERE THE TARGET and the butt of the joke, not the Clinton’s. Hehe

Anonymous
Anonymous
  MrLiberty
July 27, 2019 8:40 am

You mean the guy that committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest 14 times or are you talking about the guy that shot himself in the back of the head twice ? Lol some are not probably and unbelievable

bob
bob
  Cather
July 26, 2019 12:19 pm

Thanks captain obvious. The story is phake. The phenomenon is quite real.

Cather
Cather
  bob
July 26, 2019 12:51 pm

A phenomenon based on fake can’t be considered real. The phenomenon can exist but that in and of itself does not make it real or true. It could be argued, given the evidence that is more likely the phenomenon is real because people need it to be true to justify themselves and the false gods and idols they are following/creating in their own image. When worshipping at the Golden Calf, it isn’t hard to imaging people needing to create or believe a distraction that keeps people from focusing on their own debauchery and puts the blame on others instead of claiming their piece of it. In other words Squirrel!! Logical fallacy. Sorry

James the Deplorable Wanderer
James the Deplorable Wanderer
  Cather
July 26, 2019 8:35 pm

One might live for sixty years and have an acquaintance or two that committed suicide. It happens – rarely. Most people who suffer from depression get over it, and go on. I suspect every adolescent has suicidal thoughts at least once – after a public humiliation, broken heart, failure to deal with challenging circumstances. Few seriously act on them.
HOW MANY people close to or employed by / around the Clintons have committed “suicide” or “arkancide”? How do you shoot yourself twice in the back of the head? Little boys “fell asleep” on railroad tracks? Journalists investigating the Clintons not only commit arkancide, but SO DO THEIR NOTES / FILES / RECORDINGS?
You are naive. Stay that way or not, no skin off my nose. But realize that the Clintons have been losing acquaintances to “suicide” at a rate MANY TIMES HIGHER than ordinary people.

Cather
Cather
  James the Deplorable Wanderer
July 27, 2019 8:18 am

Correlatiotn todoes not equal causation. One could also accuse all the other politicians that also know most of those people. Point is no one is trying to tie them to it either. And you still didn’t address the lies that started it that have been found. Niave would be to discount those and carry on with your theory unabated. As though the things that have been found to be untrue are still being used to hold up the theory. Reasoned people would know that lessens the validity. They have weight too in the discussion when people are critically thinking.
To give an example, I could also say due to the true fact in states where people vote more Republican there is a higher suicide rate, therefore according to your thinking ai should conclude that either being a Republican will kill you or Democrats are getting their revenge by making people commit suicide. All are equally laughable and flawed theories. Understand? My question would be to myself is why do I need that thoery to be true so much that I’ll even go out to find a reason to fool myself. I always check myself with those types of questions because if I don’t I can be easily lead around hyhe nose. Finding my own flaws means I can do and be better.

Bob I don’t think you know what that word means.(you trolled me when you came back with Captain obvious) Ok Bob, I let it go before and dropped it by I’ll address it now since you won’t address my other points. I was hoping to have a discussion(the opposite of trolling) on where you agreed or disagreed but you aren’t interested in the truth or learning and are afraid to test your theories with any critical thinking or criticism. I like testing my theories or challenging my beliefs cuz I get to see where they don’t hold up anymore and needs to be changed or rethought. I am not afraid of it. It makes me stronger as a person. I have always wondered why someone would comment publicly if they were going to to talk about what they said and didn’t want people to comment back.(unless they agree with hem then that circle jerk is ok. Best way to con someone is to flatter them and tell them what they want to hear expsecially if they won’t question you or your flattery. Lol)) The friends I trust the most are the ones that I know will tell me what I don’t want to hear. They are the keepers and ones I value most. Ok go back and show me in your first comment that I addressed where it is “obvious” you knew it was a fake article and I’ll admit I’m trolling you instead of trying to give true info. Go ahead Bob, highlight it for me because words have real meaning and there was nothing there to indicate you knew. Show me where you didn’t fall for it hook line and sinker as indicated by your own words and I’ll believe you can critically think. After all you trolled me by calling me a name in defense instead of proving it. You are trolling me right now lol Captain obvious will check back. Thanks

Cather
Cather
  James the Deplorable Wanderer
July 27, 2019 10:00 am

BTW he didn’t shoot himself twice int the back of the head. 5 investigation, once through the mouth But you may want to update your count, I read today he shot himself three times in the back of the head. Keep up!

Cather
Cather
  James the Deplorable Wanderer
July 27, 2019 11:21 am

“Most people who suffer from depression get over it, and go on. ”

True, but many don’t. Hardly proves anything other than he could be one of the ones that didn’t get over it. My fiancee is clinically depressed so I am also familiar with living with it. Being depressed validates the suicide theory just because he was and you’re trying to dismiss that fact altogether. You can’t prove a negative. You can’t say he would have gotten over it for sure therefore foul play. I worked a crisis line for 20 years and it is very common to have suicidal thoughts. When working with suicidal or depressed people, teenagers are handled differently as well because they have a foreshortened sense of the future. What they feel now they think they will always feel unlike adults with life experiences. What we check to see how likely it may be is the steps or means to carry it out. He was desperate enough to seek help but hadn’t gotten it yet and certainly had the means and opportunity to carry it out. If he had called my crisis line, I would try to get him to agree to call us again if it escalates(from thoughts to a plan) and/or agreed to giving his gun(immediate means which he already had) to someone for safe keeping or some other safety measure, ex: put the pills in the other room while we talk etc, until he could get into an appointment with his therapist. I would have had no choice under those circumstances but to call 911 for posing and danger to himself. If he hadn’t bought a gun yet or had access or plan, 911 wouldn’t have been called unless he said another means he would use etc .So that goes on the validating suicide side when evaluating. If he had already been seeing a therapist for long time and been doin well, that MIGHT put it in the more questionable realm.

Depression wasn’t the only thing though, there was a real loss to his reputation that he might not get back due to the machinations of a certain party that he got caught up in. Humiliation and shame(whether deserved or not) are different from depression. He was caught up in a public scandal and that is a far greater set of pressures than most people have to face whom are depressed. EVERYBODY knows and everybody he’ll ever meet in the future may know. Hard to feel good about the future and trying to hold on when depressed with that. Not conclusive either(nothing is with any suicide unless they leave a note and most don’t) but certainly understandable.

bob
bob
  Cather
July 26, 2019 10:43 pm

Troll much?

Cather
Cather
  bob
July 27, 2019 8:26 am

Ironic much? So ya got nothing huh? Cool

bob
bob
  Cather
July 27, 2019 11:52 am

You’re one of them…that blather in pseudo-intellectualism in order to give the appearance that you’ve got something valid to share. Go away, punk.

Cather
Cather
  bob
July 27, 2019 8:36 pm

Ok so how would I dumb it down so I could have a conversation with you about it? I don’t think you’re dumb, on the contrary, I just didn’t think it was particularly pseudo- intellectual and am looking to understand. Sounds to me like your just giving excuses because you can’t take any challenges. Given your first pseudo-intellectual post I think you are projecting your own motives on to me. I am not you. Own it man!

For the record I haven’t been a punk since the 80’s. I haven’t disrespected or attacked you by calling you names which you have done three times. Most I did was get a little humourous sarcasm in after you did it. And now you seem to be a saying that freedom of speech is only for people who agree with you and you don’t believe in your words enough to back them up or you are arrogant enough to think the internet and public places are only for you and those who will jerk you off. Yuck! Or you want to look intellignt by giving our opinion publicly but don’t want people to respond. I like to learn what people think, it helps me understand or even change my views. I am equal to you but I am NOT you. I worked too hard and I am the same offline as I am online. I am not a poser or a keyboard warrior who needs to belittle people to feel better about themselves and their insecurities about their own opinion. So no I won’t go away just because your feefees got hurt somehow and you need people like that to stay out of your world. If that’s the case, perhaps not joining the internet or even opening your door might be a better life choice for you. Jtoo bad too because you seemed intelligent and I would have like to have learned more about that part.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 26, 2019 10:27 am

Just wait’n for the day these rats turn on each other.

Anonymous
Anonymous
  Anonymous
July 26, 2019 11:36 am

Not going to happen. Too much to put them all in prison.

Anonymous
Anonymous
July 26, 2019 1:59 pm

Good laugh. Probably true, if the CDC really did do a study. I just heard that an FBI agent investigating the Clinton Foundation “committed suicide on a congested dance floor”. BULL CRAPPY