Authored (satirically) by CJ Hopkins via Off-Guardian.org,
I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I’m a little worried about Donald Trump. I’m worried he may be on the verge of a sudden, major heart attack, or a stroke, or a fatal golfing accident.
Food poisoning is another possibility.
Or he could overdose on prescription medication.
A tanning bed mishap is not out of the question.
He could accidentally hang himself during autoerotic asphyxiation, or get shot by a lone-wolf white supremacist terrorist trying to start the RaHoWa.
The Russians could spray him with that Novichok perfume.
There are any number of ways he could snuff it.
I don’t mean to sound alarmist, but the Resistance is running out of non-lethal options for removing Donald Trump from office.
Here they are, in no particular order…
RESISTANCE NON-LETHAL OPTION NO. 1
Resistance Non-Lethal Option No. 1 is winning the 2020 election, which isn’t looking very promising. The Democratic Party is in shambles. According to the polls, their current front-runner is a senile, hair-sniffing, finger-sucking freak who never met a credit card company or a healthcare lobbyist he didn’t like, and who rivals even Donald Trump when it comes to incoherent babbling.
Yes, that’s right, folks, it’s “Smilin’ Joe” Biden, vanquisher of the razor-wielding, swimming-pool-gangster “Corn Pop” to the rescue!
As far as I’ve been able to gather, the plan is for Joe to out-“crazy” Trump (and thus win back the “bull goose loony” demographic) by going completely off his medication and having a series of scary-looking petit mal seizures on national television.
That is, unless the impossible happens, and Biden is vanquished by Bernie Sanders (a/k/a “The Magic Socialist”), who Democratic Party bigwigs would sooner publicly immolate themselves than nominate, and who the corporate media are already accusing of being a lying, sexist. communist, crypto-Trump-loving, Jew-hating Jew.
Sanders, it seems, has gone totally “native.”
He’s out there, in the heart of the American darkness, like a geriatric Colonel Kurz, operating without any decent restraint, totally beyond the pale of any acceptable human conduct.
According to the latest reconnaissance, he is building another “revolutionary” army of fanatical, doped-up, hacky-sacking “socialists” that he will lead into the convention in July and deliver to Biden, or Elizabeth Warren, or whichever soulless corporate puppet the party honchos eventually nominate, and then obsequiously stump for them for the next five months. (Or, who knows, maybe Michael Bloomberg will put the Democrats out of their misery and just buy the party and nominate himself.)
The “Crush Bernie” movement is just getting started, but you can tell the Resistance isn’t screwing around. Hillary Clinton just officially launched her national “Nobody Likes Bernie” campaign at the star-studded 2020 Sundance Film Festival.
Influential Jewish journalists like Bari Weiss and Jeffrey Goldberg, and Ronald Lauder’s newly-founded Anti-Semitism Accountability Project, have been Hitlerizing him, or, rather, Corbynizing him.
Obama has promised to “stop him,” if necessary.
MSNBC anchor Joy Reid brought on a professional “body language expert” to phrenologize Sanders “live” on the air … and, as I said, they’re just getting started.
In any event, no matter who they nominate, they have no chance of winning in November.
How could they, given the total stranglehold the Russians now have on American democracy?
As Adam Schiff just reminded everyone, unless Donald Trump is removed from office, “we cannot be assured that the vote will be fairly won,” because at any moment Putin could order Trump to pressure the Ukrainian president into investigating Biden’s son’s corruption by refusing to fund the Ukrainian military’s resistance to Putin’s secret plot to occupy the entire Ukraine and use it as a covert base from which to launch an all-out thermonuclear war against the United States (which Putin already controls through his puppet, Trump, and his network of nefarious Facebook bots, which, according to this expert on NPR, are already brainwashing gullible Black people into voting for Bernie Sanders this time, or at least refusing to vote for Biden, like they refused to vote for Hillary last time … which, OK, I know, that sounds kind of racist, but we’re talking NPR here, folks. These people aren’t racists. They’re liberals!)
OK, I got a little lost there… the point is, if the election goes ahead, and Trump doesn’t have an embolism or something, odds are, we’re looking at four more years of Putin-Nazi occupation. Which brings us to…
NON-LETHAL OPTION NO. 2
Resistance Non-Lethal Option No. 2 is, of course, the current impeachment circus. I don’t even know where to start with this one.
After three and a half years of corporate-media-manufactured mass hysteria and Intelligence Community propaganda designed to convince the American public that Donald Trump is a “Russian asset” (and possibly Putin’s homosexual lover) and also literally the Resurrection of Hitler, the Democrats are trying to impeach the man for something that most Americans either (a) believe is common practice among members of the political class, (b) don’t entirely understand, or (c) do, but don’t give a shit about.
Seriously, it’s like they held a contest to see if anyone could think of something that would out-anticlimax the Mueller report, and this is what the winner came up with … an over-acted, sanctimonious snooze-fest, the stakes of which could not possibly be lower.
Sure, the corporate media are doing their best to cover every twist and turn of the “drama” as if the fate of democracy were hanging in the balance, but everybody knows it’s a joke … or, all right, almost everybody.
So we’re down to…
NON-LETHAL OPTION NO. 3
Resistance Non-Lethal Option No. 3 is to whip up so much mass hysteria over “white supremacist terrorism,” “the sudden resurgence of anti-Semitism,” “the imminent Putin-Nazi Apocalypse” (which has been imminent since the summer of 2016), and other iterations of Hitler hysteria, that people can’t really even think anymore, and will join the Resistance and pour into the streets in their millions and demand Trump resign.
The Resistance has been at this for over three years now, i.e., casting the neo-Nazi subculture that has always been part of the political landscape as a powerful, worldwide fascist movement that is going to rise up any minute and Hitlerize the entire Western world.
It isn’t working. People aren’t buying it. OK, sure, some liberals are still buying it. But most people aren’t, not anymore.
For example, the hysteria leading up to the recent gun rights rally in Richmond, which according to the corporate media had been infiltrated by “Nazi terrorists” who were plotting to publicly mass murder each other in a desperate attempt to finally launch the “Boogaloo,” or the “RaHoWa” … or whatever.
Apparently, a few days before the rally, the FBI got some neo-Nazis to agree to conspire to murder some people and then violently overthrow the U.S. government with their arsenal of homemade machine guns.
These neo-Nazi masterminds were allegedly members of “the Base,” i.e., one of these little neo-Nazi clubs that we’re all supposed to live in mortal fear of now … this one, as it turns out, run by a former (and possibly current) “security contractor.”
The governor declared a state of emergency. Anti-Terror forces were put on alert. A “no-fly zone” was implemented, presumably to prevent the Russians from dropping a division of Putin-Nazi paratroopers onto the lawn of the Capitol. The corporate media warned that it was probably going to be a bloodbath.
Well, the day came and went, and no Boogaloo. No bloodbath. No Putin-Nazi Apocalypse. Just a lot of gun owners and militia types parading around with their guns and gear. Antifa didn’t even show up this time … or, rather, the few “anti-fascists” that did were also armed and supporting the rally.
And that’s the problem with Non-Lethal Option No. 3… there are only so many times you can have the corporate media scream, “THE NAZIS ARE COMING!” and then not produce any actual Nazis. The Resistance has exceeded that allotment.
Which brings me back to where I started, and my concerns about Donald Trump, and his health, and the assorted tragic accidents that could befall him before we get to November. Because, unless you believe that the Intelligence Community (and the transnational empire it is part and parcel of) is prepared to sit by and allow Donald Trump to serve another four years as president … well, I wouldn’t be sharing any Diet Cokes or riding in any motorcades with him.
I don’t know, maybe I’ve been reading too much of that “conspiracy theory” stuff on the Internet, but Senator Schumer’s warning to Trump back in 2017 keeps playing in my head:
Let me tell you, you take on the intelligence community, they have six ways from Sunday at getting back at you.”
Relax, folks. I’m just kidding, of course. The Intelligence Community would never dream of doing anything … you know, illegal.
The Community doesn’t assassinate people, and commit all sorts of other atrocities.
That’s just a thing they do in the movies.
In reality, they would never assassinate a president, especially not one they had been telling everyone is a “Russian asset,” and “literally Hitler,” and a “traitor,” and a “dictator,” for over three years.
OK, those are pretty harsh words, but they probably don’t really mean all that stuff. Odds are, they’re just horsing around.
They’re a notorious bunch of jokesters, those CIA guys.
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And people actually vote in this clown circus and think they’re doing something important. What morons!
It was either vote Trump or let the democrats have it all and throw us into a civil war.
Exactly.
Every voter is THE problem.
No. Its the illegal voters. Funny how democrats bitch that voter id laws is suppression, discrimination and hardship on the poor and carless. Yet Virginia black face gov now makes you show id to buy ammo. Why is that not discrimination and a hardship on the poor….
I second your opinion
civil war? dont underestimate stupidity, cowardice and laziness.
You make no sense. Civil war requires intellectual foes with a high work ethic?
Anyone that votes keeps the clown circus, namely the entire Fed Gov, alive. By voting you are deluding yourself into thinking that this time will be different when you KNOW damned well that neither political party is worth a shit. There’s decades of proof that they both suck.
It is you, a voter, that keeps this shit going. If someday a President got elected by under 100,000 votes, then the legitimacy of the Fed Gov would disappear like fart gas.
“Anyone that votes keeps the clown circus, namely the entire Fed Gov, alive.”
oh nonsense, voting does not keep government as such alive. lots of governments throughout history have ruled for decades or hundreds of years with no voting at all.
“you don’t vote for kings!”
The US is a dictatorship with interchangeable figureheads that the morons elect. The morons think the President, members of Congress and the ass hats on the Supreme Court are the government.
These people are so deluded that they fail to realize the military, defense contractors, and the spook agencies ARE the government and no one votes for any of them.
When the DOD can’t account for $23 Trillion dollars, the voters just shrug it off. There’s no one of note trying to find out where the money went. The vast majority of voters are so brain dead that they don’t even know about the missing money.
There’s no one wanting to make previous figureheads accountable for their lies to start wars even though some of the morons that join the military got killed for absolutely nothing.
The Fed Gov is the perfect system for sociopaths. They have morons voting in elections that don’t change anything and then joining the military to die for them as moron patriots.
“The US is a dictatorship with interchangeable figureheads that the morons elect. The morons think the President, members of Congress and the ass hats on the Supreme Court are the government.”
yeah, sure, that’s why voter fraud is so important ….
“The Fed Gov is the perfect system for sociopaths.”
many rightists are sociopaths. they’ll hide it by saying they hate government, but what they really hate is other people. that’s why so many of them live as far as they can from as many people as they can. the honest ones live in the alaskan wilderness where no-one ever hears from them again, and that suits them just fine.
Election fraud claims are propaganda to convince the moron multitudes that elections actually are important, when common sense says they are just window dressing.
As for your assertion that rightists are sociopaths, that’s just something you made up.
I do hate the concept of government as it’s a total fraud; completely unnecessary. As an avowed misanthrope, I do detest the average person because they are stupid enough to support government. These dopes never learn that gov’t is just another mafia.
I live on a Caribbean island to get away from as many people as I can and live with a gov’t that doesn’t have the resources to be as overbearing as the US federal and state gov’ts. I’ve been to Alaska and it’s too damned cold. Where I am, it’s 78 degrees today.
“As for your assertion that rightists are sociopaths, that’s just something you made up.”
we can allow the readers to decide for themselves. reasonable people may take a while to see it.
No, your assertion is just made up bullshit. People can choose to believe all manner of nonsense, but your assertion lacks proof. That some choose to believe in bullshit like religion or government doesn’t offer any proof of your bogus assertion.
Nailed it again (I cant believe i am agreeing with (sao) after just last week busting his balls so hard
The real damage in voting IMO is that every vote adds credibility to the process-it tells THEM that the scam that is democracy still works-that there is hope the rabble can vote ourselves out of this mess. We can’t. It will take violence-which I reject or non-violence civil disobedience. Not voting is the least we can do. You don’t give anything up but the illusion of control.
If voting made a difference “They” wouldn’t let us do it.
By voting it confirms to them they remain in control. If less than 100,000 people voted in a presidential race they would be on defcon 56 for insurrection and revolution…
Nailed it
What’s wrong with open civil war? You’d rather have police-refereed civil war? As he said, what morons.
“What’s wrong with open civil war?”
(laugh) you’ll find out.
If you are waiting for the next generation to start and win the civil war you are mistaken. So getting this on now might be the only option to save this here republic. Because under age 40 they are brainwashed noobs and not on your side. So yeah stop voting give it all to them. It wont take long for them to run out of other peoples money and the shitshow happens before patriots all die of old age and it happens anyways….but nobody left of right mind to be there to restart it properly again.
I am assuming you are speaking of the socialist left and rino’s on the the right as the circus of morons? Then I would agree, we the people need to vote the butt heads out and demand true justice for their impediment of a duly elected president.
The entire Fed Gov and every person that keeps voting in this scum is a moron.
You should investigate moving from seclusion to China, as they dont vote there, should feel right at home.
I don’t vote where I am because I’m not eligible and because I’m not a moron. Voting is for the stupidest in the society.
Former felon or ex pat refugee? Too bad.
Condolences from an unprosecuted enemy of the State as it may be.
I see the illiterate are now posting here.
Cold Hand, why not try taking a writing course and think about what you want to say before you just blurt out something only comprehensible to your feeble mind.
Wow sao i used to hate people like you that said voting was stupid. But once you really get it and understand the real system at work you are spot on. Let me pose it another way to help wake more people up…
What would the outcome be, or what would govt do (action and reaction) if only 100,000 people voted nationwide in this year November Presidential Election! Seriously think critically about your answer and be serious…..this may help enlighten you…
They could not spin it as voter fraud, any other time in history they could not spin it as voter suppression or intimidation (but with trump they will), they could not spin it as weather related, or local issues, how, just how do you think media and govt would spin it…..
With a noticeable minimum number of people voting, TPTsB couldn’t spin it and wouldn’t even try. They don’t have to because this can never happen.
As voting numbers start to seriously deteriorate they’ll come up with another scam to ‘hide the decline’ (I appropriated that from the Climate Science frauds). The computerized voting machines are their already implemented technological solution to avoid this situation.
The voting machines were PROVEN to be mechanisms designed to alter votes by a university study, I believe in Ohio. By injecting an infallible computer into the voting process, the average voting moron thinks this is a great idea. The same study showed that a ‘man in the middle’ attack was used in a presidential election to alter votes in transmission between the actual voting computers and the central location to tally all votes.
“The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” – Joseph Stalin
In short, they are already prepared to vote for you and fix your vote if you made the wrong choice. This system is designed from the get go to make the human voter an unnecessary nuisance in the scam known as the voting process.
And since we have not been able to do this, cote them out thang, over the last 90 years, now what? They open the borders give our tax money away to illegals and buy their votes to re elect themselves. Whats in your wallet? What have you done lately? What means do you have to fight that mammoth system? (Your one little bitty vote?). Yeah great idea and strategy. Hope is not a strategy.
I agree SAO. Tucker laid a good one on Bolton last night, omitting the asshole who put him in power. Check it out:
This guy is just another armchair warrior. Never met a war he didn’t like,but wouldn’t actually go to it.Of course he has no problem sending others. Perhaps what he needs is the same thing all the other cowards like him need. The latest version of Call of Duty,because he certainly is not gonna pick up a weapon.
Peace wont keep john bolton a job…..he must be continually needed therefore be in continual war
I thought they’d kill Trump by about April, 2017. And by “they”, I mean the CIA. He seems to have kept them on their heels by periodically lobbing some missiles at a runway or moving an embassy.
I’m not sure the top elites are not just putting on a show. Any social engineer would know to keep us in the Overton window. Trump accomplishes that nicely. Voters are stupid.
Pay very close attention to trumpys stance on guns. Red flag laws specifically he is not our friend. The overton window at serious play here. They figured they could get “our” own man to move farther left because we pay less attention to the guy you trust….tell your maga hat wearing friends that trump wants red flag laws and they spit on you calling you a liar but theres tons of media videos where is sitting holding hands with the leftist making these laws come to fruition right under your patriot assed noses,.wake the fuck up people
This satire cuts way too close to the bone.
The author is a never Trumper…
Scalia didn’t suffocate in a pillow at a hunting lodge.
My god Ott, I suppose the next thing you are going to tell us is that Epstein didn’t kill himself.
He didn’t?
LMAO
Naw…it was probably the CIA heart attack gun…either that or they showed him a picture of Hillary naked?
mark,
you’re not a nice man & you probably just lost your salvation–it’s possible that an entire blog full of virulent men will never again achieve liftoff after visualizing hillary’s naked body–
i bet you’re proud of yourself–
I head it is faster and more deadly than gazing upon Medusa’s head…
How do you think all these Arkancides are really pulled off!
SEE!
https://abc7news.com/1560852/
Mark, you owe me a new ipad. I still cannot get the damn vomit out of the crevices…
après trump, le deluge.
“the current impeachment circus. I don’t even know where to start with this one.”
neither do the democrats.
I went down thru the comments, no one has even made mention of the 1995 illuminati card game by Steve Jackson showing Trump ‘Enough is Enough’ and his assassination.
In the first video, (sound is low volume) the Englishman Round Saturn’s Eye, a videographer I have viewed in the past, covers the Al Smith memorial dinner 19 days before the election in ’16. Muuuuuuch I could say about the capture still photos and video clips contained within concerning the coming One World religion. This videographer points to the Jesuit Order with strong foundation.
This second short video is one of those dang computer generated voices and doesn’t sync well with the pictures displayed as the narration flows, but in the short 5 min. there are several examples of the illuminati card game ‘cards’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqsATej9P3s
There are a number of similar videos to be found, although it is getting more difficult as time moves forward it seems. One more that is 10 min. long:
annuit coeptis novus ordo seclorum <—-== REAL CHAOS is coming, Trump is not who he seems to be !
The problem is the govt plays the long game. Unless you memorialized all your thoughts, political views and future i sight where this is leading and left it to your heirs for them to see it playing out they, like us will never see it play out.
Thats is why and how “conspiracy theorist “ are labeled because by the time they are right they themselves are dead and those calling them conspiracy theorists are also dead and the next generation gives no more fucks because that was then, this is now mentality. And that was “old fashioned” and stupid. We are so much more learned today than them mentality. Hence, we are on a path of reproducing history’s biggest mistakes…..
I remember with great reflection someone but a bullseye over obummers face, yes another political opponent and the media ripped him a new asshole, called him racists, had the fbi go after him etc and lost his job. But do that to trump and not a damn thing happens and don lemonhead laughs until he cries. Its all good when you speak the devils language i guess