Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order

Via The Babylon Bee

JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire’s clear “stay in tomb” order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.

But Jesus, answering to a higher authority, refused to stay dead and busted out of the tomb, establishing a kingdom that would never end — again, in clear violation of the government’s orders.

“Jesus is a dangerous rebel, refusing to bend the knee to Caesar and not abiding by the law of sin and death,” said one Roman official. “He clearly broke the law by leaving the tomb, and we’re going to be issuing a citation and placing him under mandatory quarantine for these crimes.”

After coming into contact with many large groups over the course of approximately 40 days, Jesus ascended into heaven and is currently thought to be reigning on high.

Authorities are also investigating Him for planning to gather with a large multitude of every tribe, tongue, and nation. He says he currently has no plans to obey any earthly king on the matter, pressing ahead with the gathering of those who believe He died and rose again and trust Him alone for their salvation.

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5 Comments
Ginger
Ginger
April 12, 2020 8:03 pm

Fact being stranger than fiction.

Matthew 28: 11-15

Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.

And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers,

Saying, Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept.

And if this come to the governor’s ears, we will persuade him, and secure you.

So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.

Vixen Vic
Vixen Vic
  Ginger
April 12, 2020 8:29 pm

Do you ever notice nobody disputes Jesus’ body was missing? The argument is always HOW it became missing.

Ginger
Ginger
  Vixen Vic
April 13, 2020 7:35 am

Happy Day after Easter. Having a major thunderstorm and rain here, really the first of the year and we need the rain Thank GOD.
Majoring in the minors, people always seem to want an argument. personally am glad Jesus was not in the tomb. Rapture or no rapture, dispensations or no dispensations, which translation. Paul warned Timothy about argueing over things, its just satanic.
And what do the scriptures say:
Luke 1: 37
“For with God nothing will be impossible.”
And from Habakkuk 2:4:
” Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith.”

TN Patriot
TN Patriot
  Ginger
April 13, 2020 12:25 pm

Ginger – Wish we could share the rain with you. We have been wet since October and are already ahead of normal by 12 in. It has been too wet to plow or till most of the gardens/fields.

Vixen Vic
Vixen Vic
April 12, 2020 8:30 pm

That’s the best Babylon Bee article I’ve read yet. And thank God Jesus was sent to us.