SACRAMENTO, CA—California has leveraged one of its recent emergency declarations to declare Christmas caroling a felony.
Christmas caroling is now punishable by 25 years in prison, as it’s detrimental to the public health. In addition to being a potential super-spreader of COVID, Governor Gavin Newsom says he “hates singing” and wishes people would just “cut it out with all the jolliness and joy.”
“Dangerous gangs of outlaws going door to door singing loudly — this must stop,” said Gavin Newsom. “The SCIENCE! says we must wear masks when singing and sing only beneath a standard speaking voice, and these deranged lunatics are going from house to house just shouting COVID all over people’s faces.”
“Furthermore, they are singing insurrectionist lyrics about some ‘King’ who has come to overthrow the earthly governments. I don’t know who this guy is, but this is a clear case of sedition. I’m in charge here!”
Several county sheriffs have already said they will not enforce the law, causing Newsom to question whether they are agents of this coming King.
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Auntie is so cornfuzed, again: how is this satire?
Hey, people are needed to fill all those empty prison cells that Newsom created.
Hey, people are needed to fill all those empty prison cells that Newsom EMPTIED. There fixed for ya! Can’t have real criminals in prison now can we?