LLPOH: Three Out of Three Ain’t Bad

Despite what some may think, I as a rule do not hold grudges and rapidly forget disagreements and fights. I not only usually do not remember the reason for past conflicts but generally do not even recall they happened. The fact is, I hold no grudges against anyone who may read this. I do remember some conflicts, some that continue easily, but truly I do not have any grudges. Grudges are unproductive as a rule.

However, in my lifetime there have been three people that I have truly hated, and I expect I will carry that hate to my grave. I will never forgive, and never forget.

The first person to make this list of three falsely accused me, and caused me much trouble. I never understood the why of it. I in the end escaped the issue unscathed, but it could have gone badly for me.

The second to make the list crossed a line that should never be crossed. In truth, he deserved killing, and it was something I contemplated a great many times. Each time my hand was stayed owing to the damage it would have done to me and my family. But make no mistake, he deserved killing. He crossed a sacred line.

The third person to make the list betrayed me. I had helped this man for decades both professionally and personally. My intervention saved one of his sons from jail. Truth is, he owed me a great debt. But in the end, despite all of that, he betrayed me, and the hate I hold for that betrayal burns bright. It is actually the hardest to understand – for someone you trust, and have helped, to turn on you in an act of betrayal, is truly hard to understand and deal with. When confronted, his answer was he did it as he felt I would not find out it was him. And he was sorry. Only his age saved him from my wrath.

Long ago, person number one eventually crossed my path in what proved unfortunate circumstances for him, and the issue was settled and justice was done. It was in a time and a place that allowed for settling of disputes in such a direct fashion, and there were no repercussions. Although a measure of justice was done, forgiveness is not ever happening.

The second object of my enmity died a few months ago. It is unseemly I am certain, but his death provided some significant satisfaction, and has eliminated the occasional thoughts I have had about that individual.

The third person died last week. I am pleased the treacherous bastard is gone. However, I regret so many people do not understand what a hypocritical piece of dung he was. I receive calls asking if I had heard of his demise. It puts me in a quandary, as social norms are such that speaking ill if the dead is frowned upon. I simply say that I have heard, and say that he was not who you think he was, and I am not saddened by his passing.

Am I unique in these matters? Do any of you have such feelings about people that you have encountered throughout your lives? Is it wrong to truly hate someone who has done you a great wrong? Is it wrong to be satisfied when they fall?

I have had my butt well kicked without developing hatred. I have been stolen from, without becoming hate filled at the thief. I have forgotten almost all slights, and have forgiven, moved past, abandoned almost all grievances towards all people save these three. My heart eternally hardened toward them. And I am not sorry about it. I worry it is/was a bad thing, that it reflects poorly on me, but that is the truth of it. I am not a pacifist, and so far there have been three people I was unable to forgive for their actions against me, as their actions were so heinous. Hopefully I will encounter no others. In the meantime, I think about visiting their graves, doing the hornpipe, and signalling my satisfaction in at least one other way.

And to paraphrase Meatloaf, given I have now obtained as much satisfaction as is or was possible, three out of three ain’t bad. I lived to see them dead, or extracted justice. And I am content knowing it is so.

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