A PHONE BOOTH, MOUNTAIN LION, & BARBED WIRE

Originally posted in August 2012. For all the newbies who never got to experience the wit and wisdom of Smokey. Sadly a few more commenters on this post have also passed away since.

Cougar - Wikipedia

Anyone who has been a long-time reader of TBP is aware of the greatest line in TBP history:

“You’d rather jack off a mountain lion in a phone booth with barbed wire than fuck with me.” Smokey

He also originated the “Eats Shit” phrase and constantly provoked me with RPES (Ron Paul Eats Shit). His one comment created such a shitstorm that I lost count of the number of regulars that departed the site during that thread. The comment was: “He should have ducked.” He was referring to Scott Olsen, who was shot in the head with a tear gas cannister by the Oakland Police during an Occupy demonstration. Over the last three years he battled with just about every TBP regular, including myself. He left the site because he thought his presence was hurting me. He came back for a few months, but left again to deal with some health issues.

I’ve been avoiding doing this post and it probably has something to do with my funk. I received an extremely sad email from Smokey three weeks ago that he was gravely ill. He was entering the hospital the next day and did not expect to live for two months. Below is his final message to me:

No more blogging for me—I enter the hospital tomorrow or the next day and do not expect to survive.
I apologize for any things I said that may have hurt you. I enjoyed the friendship.
Please give my best to your wonderful wife and raise your kids to be like you.
You are one of the finest people I have known.
If life is eternal, perhaps we meet again.  I hope so.
Smokey

I responded how sorry I was to hear this tragic news and let him know how appreciative I was of his support from Day 1. I asked for his permission to let the TBP community know the news so they could pray for a miracle. I have experienced two miracles within my own family, and believe the power of prayer can do amazing things. I never received a response. I’d like to ask everyone with a religious faith to say a prayer for Smokey. My hope is that he will show up on TBP full of piss and vinegar.

Smokey has had my back since I first started writing on Seeking Alpha – four years ago. He was known as Swashbuckler. He supported me during my falling out with Jason during TBP #1. We disagreed on the Middle East, China and OWS. But he never turned his sometimes nasty disposition in my direction. We went to war against David Pierre, peak oil deniers, and apologists for the status quo. On economic issues we were perfectly aligned.

I didn’t know how to run a blog three years ago. I still don’t. Smokey set the tone of TBP. The no holds barred nasty brutish funny nature of this blog owes it all to Smokey. Foul language, ad hominem attacks, extreme sarcasm, witty comebacks, hysterical insults, and intelligent banter were his specialty. His personality will forever be stamped on TBP. He was a shit throwing Gorilla among shit throwing monkeys. I will always be thankful that he was part of this community and I pray for his return to health. I’ve never met him in person, but I do believe life is eternal and we shall meet someday. Farewell my good friend.

I have the ability to search comments by name. When I typed in Smokey, there were 433 pages of comments made by or about Smokey in the last three years. I spent a couple hours perusing his comments and found myself laughing out loud. The comments I’ve picked out below were just during a couple months in 2010. They are not for the faint hearted or the squeamish. If you find foul language offensive, I’d advise you to read no further. But they are funny.

I think it would be worthwhile for all the regulars to provide their favorite memories about Smokey. – good, bad, ugly, and funny.

THE BEST OF SMOKEY

I have decided that I want to live a productive life and contribute to the greater good of our society. In order to accomplish these worthy goals I will immediately forthwith begin walking down the street with my blue jeans pulled down below my waist while my baseball cap is cocked cadi-cornered on my head with my dick in my hand. My body will be covered in tattoos and I will listen to gangsta rap to learn about drive-bys and drugs.  I will spend every cent I can steal on crack cocaine. I will bathe at the MOST once a month, and I will make certain that none of the several whores I screw each day have reached the age of 17, and under no circumstances will I reside in the same household as the bastard child I bring into the world, ESPECIALLY when his whore momma can get Obama and the taxman make whitey pay to support him.

There are only two motherfuckers alive who are more fucking stupid than John Paulson. One is the gay traitor transvestite David Pierre and the other is you Walter Leadbone.  You fucking IMBECILE, Paulson is bragging about being long the big banks. I’d rather own subprime real estate in Detroit. Come back and post after you get a lobotomy.

Walter Leadbone—-I  was long the banks until March 09 and I was down to my last $100,000.  That’s when I shorted the dogshit out of them.  I got margin calls when I blew out that final 100 grand, then went upside down 35 thou. Now, I flip burgers during the day at the Royal Castle for $7.50 an hour and deliver pizzas for Domino’s at night. I’ve already paid off $2,000 of that 35 and only have $33,000 to go and I’ll be back even. Then I’ll save enough to move out of my parent’s basement. First thing  I’ll buy is a moped, and then a green 3 pc suit. And then a Pete Rose baseball card. Then, I’ll save up for a color television with a remote control. I’ll get me a 350 sq ft bachelor’s pad and invite over some chicks to provide with a hot beef injection. If no chicks are available, I’ll just make some hot chocolate chip cookies. I’d just as soon eat those cookies as have sex anyway.

You had a choice. You could be a chickenshit pussy coward, a mouse.  Or you could be a man. You decided on the latter.  As Maximus Decimus Meridius has stated,  ” The decisions we make in life echo in eternity.”

Most poor people are poor not because the rich have held them back. They are poor because they are genetically inferior to those of us who have vast wealth. The rich are not only richer than other people, they are smarter, better looking and have bigger dicks, too.  Poor people are a needless blight on this country. And by poor, I mean if you don’t have a net worth of 250k or an income of at least 85k, then you eat shit.

Super Bowl Day I’ll be on the couch watching TV while drinking Dom Perignon with a hot babe at a Vegas resort hotel, probably getting a blowjob, while the China economy continues to roll.

China’s not gonna crash. If you want your smelly ass kissed at the Super Bowl, you’d better plan on living to be 150 or either pray for reincarnation. Because in this lifetime, there will be no China crash, so sorry.

SSS—No doubt about it.  Shit, when I lived in northern Virginia, former  DC mayor Marion Barry was caught on video doing crack, went to prison, then landslided back into the mayor’s office as soon as he got out.  But hey, I would never allege that our president, Tarbaby, getting 99% of the black vote had anything at all to do with his skin color.

enduromanrapido—–You ignorant douchebag. If you don’t work for the government, you’ve missed your calling.   Bernanke and Geithner could use an idiot  like you.  Maybe if you provide each of them with a resume’ and a blowjob, and then talk some of the same fool shit you post here, they’ll consider you for a job.

Administrator—–One of my brothers emailed me a youtube clip a couple of years ago.  It was a TV reporter doing an interview in Louisiana shortly after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. The female reporter was talking to a black female housing resident in a small town neighborhood. The reporter commented that the hurricane must have surely created much hardship throughout the area because of the damage to all of the churches. The black woman said, “Well, that doesn’t really bother us because we gets all our chicken from Popeye’s.”

Gemini—-You fucking duplicitous hypocritical pussy. Trying to build the cover to slide in the back door and team with SSS and me because you KNOW of the ass whipping in store for you. TOO FUCKING LATE.  You have already staked out your territory with the losers. Tough shit. No crying to your mommy, you fucking bed-wetter. I hope you take the needle out of your arm long enough to read this sacred post, you hopeless addict. I bet you can’t wait to knock off your next liquor store or gas station so you’ll have enough cash to pay for your next fix.  Drug-users are why this country eats shit. Why do you think we have the massive problems with the spics? Drugs. Drugs breed crime, violence. And you advocate that shit? Are you out of your fucking mind? Why don’t you just advocate murder, kidnapping, and baby-raping?  The fucking prisons are crammed with criminals who committed  VIOLENT crimes while under the addiction of drugs. Do you actually think a teen is going straight to heroin or crack cocaine without first using reefer? Hell no. They ALL begin with reefer and then go to the hard drugs, needles. Drug users are a fucking worthless blight on humanity and advocating the legalization of drugs in our society is an irresponsible breach of any conceivable acceptable standards for behavior in a civilized society.  A final word–if you want to lock ass with me—BRING IT!!!

Gemini—-At the sake of telling you something you already know, your wife gives a knobjob that is world class. She told me, between slurps, that she loves to take it up the ass from big buck niggers. Come clean now and reveal the REAL reason you want pot legal—so you can get the preschoolers high for some hot action. Since you have NO chance of getting any from the opposite sex, according to your wife, unless you go after 8 year olds. I will concede, my massive python was fully erect when they lynched Saddam, the SAME Saddam who murdered 50 MILLION of his own people and allowed his two sons to operate rape rooms. The mass murderer who was poised to invade Kuwait and take control of the middle east oil if Bush I had not intervened and stopped him. Of course, PUSSIES like you have NO answer to radical extremists who INCINERATE our citizens on 9/11. You fucking chickenshit coward, afraid that our leaders might take their hands off their nuts and fight back against the people WHO DANCED BY THE MILLIONS IN THE STREET ON TV AT THE NEWS OF 9/11.  Fuck you pussy.

Administrator—-Davis Pierre pulled this same shit a couple of weeks ago on ZH, telling the bloggers that you and I are the same.  Of course, the lie was transparent and everyone on ZH knew he was lying, and several posters even told him so.  That deranged fucker is so eaten up with that 9/11 conspiracy shit that it is sad.  If he slanders you much more, it would not surprise me if he gets his ass booted off Tyler Durden’s site also.  That is one sick puppy.

Reverse Engineer—–You and I are destined for a showdown. I cut you plenty of slack over on TBP #1, but I have no intention of EVER giving you the benefit of the doubt over here.  I am one bad motherfucker. Cross me over here and you will rue the day we met.  Ponder carefully anything before you post it here, because it doesn’t take much to piss me off.  Until then.

Daniel—-I knew we were allies on this issue.  BTW, in real life, I’m also a Daniel, but go by Dan.  I ACHE for Jim to post a well thought out detailed piece on Iran that generates a lot of traffic. Mainly because I see no conceivable way that you, Stuck, neocon, and Jim will be left standing after the battle. My guess is that there would be at least one permanent departure from TBP #2 after that engagement.

Sprouty—You are obviously a nice person. Just a cautionary note about this site. There are some people who post here, who, unlike me, sometimes lose their composure. You need thick skin, and sometimes innocent bystanders here get caught in the crossfire.  Some callous people even use foul language here. Although my manners on this site are always impeccable and I avoid confrontation at all costs, I realize that all people are not like me. Even F bombs have been known to fly here, not that I’ve ever stooped to such deplorable antics.

Israel should NOT attack Iran. When the long overdue nuclear bombing of Iran occurs, it should be handled properly. WE should do it. And then we should tell the rest of radical Islam, “Want some? Get some.”  This would serve notice that we are no longer following the cowardly doctrines of the chickenshit pussies G.W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Obama.  Then, after sending EVERY Iranian to greet their ancestors, we should PRAY that some more of the insolent jihadist nations (ALL of Islam) will jump into the fray. If no more middle eastern countries step up, we should summarily eliminate the few who have deliberately provoked us—North Korea, Syria, Libya, Pakistan, and Afghanistan. If the Administrator or anyone else misconstrues this as my sitting on the fence, I will be glad to elaborate.

Cynical 30—-Every time you post, you show what a fucking idiot you are. We have already spent a fortune supporting dissenting youth groups in Iran, and it hasn’t gotten us a fucking thing. I know more about nuclear physics than you know about geopolitical politics. Go back to feeling up your six year old sister while we adults spend time on this blog. DOUCHEBAG. – Response to this comment from Cynical30 :

Smokey: I do believe the last time you fucked with me I shut you down faster than a girl’s school next to a Taliban community center by saying “your mamma smells like the nutsack of a 60 year old Indian cab driver after the nightshift”.  You, my friend, are the French fucking army.  Go tie those musty, stained tighty whiteys of yours to a flagpole & type up a concession speech.

Cynical 30—You unoriginal pussy.   “…….before I bastardize your daughter with a taco”.  At least most retarded idiots make an attempt to cover their tracks when they plagiarize. You are too fucking stupid to do that. You lifted the entire phrase from buch dich’s post earlier in the thread. What a fucking loser. BTW, I tossed your wife a half pint of throat yogurt last night. She swallowed like the pro she is. Try to use your own words the next time you post. – Response to this comment by Cynical30:

Aw man, I almost let Smokey sneak one by me. I’m surprised at you Smokes.  For someone who appreciates such nuance in public debate, I am truly taken aback by your response.  Surely someone as esteemed as you can recognize the subtle technique of “killing two jerkoffs with one bitchslap”.  Alas, apparently you don’t.  Shameful.  I turly expect more out of you. Either way, you should give your mom a call when you get a chance.  I crawled through her window last night & finally gave you the little brother you always wanted.  Just so you know, given the her age and morbid obesity, there’s a good chance he may come out looking like an Asian penguin.  I’ll be sure to UPS you a bike helmet & arm floaties if that’s the case.

Cynical 30—I hope you enjoyed your fling with my mom last night. By the way, she’s 81 and has AIDS.

DP is one hate-filled,sick puppy.  I would pay to watch that fucker psychoanalyzed for a couple of hours by a first rate psychiatrist.  I mean, this mother fucker is a shrink’s wet dream.   It’s obvious from his posts that he is a paranoid  schizophrenic sociopath.  He is probably beyond all help and belongs in a psych ward before he hurts himself or someone else. Regardless, he is still a lot of fun to fuck with on this site.

I respectfully submit—–What is so fucking hard about pronouncing the word ASK ?  I mean, how is it that an entire race cannot pronounce a fucking s before a fucking k in that word?  If you don’t know the answer, go aks  Obama.

Apollo is a know-nothing queer fascist shit -eater. So is Goldorock. So is Cynical 30. So is Deep Blue. So is Gemini. So is DP.  So is RE.  So are the many others that I have vanquished on this site, but forgotten their names.

shut the fuck up——-Show some mercy, please. I am so afraid when I read your angry words. You frighten me.  One small word of caution though—You’d rather jack off a mountain lion in a phone booth with barbed wire than fuck with me.—I’d like to linger here a bit longer and really get in a nasty pissing match with you, but I’ve decided instead to head to Tijuana with Sonic and cahuitabeachbound to do some weed and to party.  Hugs and kisses, Smokey.

DP—–I thought Quinn banned your sorry psychotic ass from this site.  Please tell me how it feels to be a coward. To abandon your country of birth because of fear.  And how it feels to then spend the rest of your miserable, wretched, shallow  existence trying to deceive yourself into believing you fled based on principles.  How does it feel to be a traitor who fled under cover of darkness because he was afraid to defend his country?  I have a question for you DP. There was a very popular television political analyst who had a high profile career, spent largely criticizing politicians. She was conservative and a bestselling author. Her name was Barbara Olsen and on 9/11/2001 she had been happily married for several years to Ted Olsen, then Solicitor General of the United States. Ted Olsen was also the attorney who had represented George W. Bush in the 2000 Presidential legal proceeding versus Al Gore.  Anyway, there are transcripts of Ms. Olsen on the phone to her husband as her hijacked plane was en route to and aimed for the Pentagon. She of course has never been heard from again. George Bush is a close personal friend of Ted Olsen. My question, DP, is where do you think Ms. Olsen is? Sipping a martini by the pool in Brazil?  Or maybe in a villa in the south of France?  I ache to hear your sick, convoluted explanation for this. Or will you ignore the question, being the coward you are?

I wish I would have been born rich, instead of so damn good-lookin’.

Gemini response to an insult from Smokey:

Smokey, I tongue punched your moms fart box last night, kept her granny panties as a souvenir.

Smokey comeback:

Gemini—-I’m sure you enjoyed that. She has been whining a lot lately about her massive case of bleeding hemorrhoids. Between that, and her starting her period yesterday morning, I’m sure you had quite a feast.

Bruce C—–I’ll tell you what. You may be new here, so I’ll be nice.  Listen up.  If oil isn’t over $500 per barrel five years from today, I’ll kiss the Administrator’s stinking, hairy ass in the middle of Times Square at midnight EST New Year’s Eve 2015.

DP is in a fucking blind rage right now.  He’s pissed because all those pictures hit home.  DP, a stanza from your national anthem,   “when danger reared it’s ugly head, he quickly turned his tail and fled.”   Hey DP, do you still think that Quinn and me are the same person?  FYI, DP–you look like a fool when you motherfuck Quinn over on ZH.  Tyler Durden doesn’t give a shit what you think about TBP,  why do you think Quinn is one of his favorite guest posters on ZH? Everybody reads your shit and laughs at what a deluded cowardly fool you are.

Yeah Nonanonymous, I’ve heard the fairy tale thousands of times. Jesus Christ committed suicide to save us from our sins and to keep us from being burned by the Devil in eternity. Newsflash Nonanonynous—The Holy Bible is a work of fiction with dozens of glaring contradictions throughout. There is no Devil and there is no Hell.  All religions eventually fail. God transcends all religions.

Obviously, the current administration is in over it’s head. What the country desperately needs is for George Bush to return to power and straighten out Obama’s mess. Since Bush can by law only serve two terms, we should put Dick Cheney on top of the ticket and Bush as VP. Cheney would straighten out this shit in a big hurry. If Bush hadn’t held him back, the war would have been over five years ago. Cheney may well be, no, is undoubtedly, the best person ever to hold the vice presidency or presidency. His intellect is astonishing. It would not surprise me if his IQ  is 200 plus.  And the only thing that exceeds his IQ is his integrity.  Norman Schwarzkopf’s IQ is listed on public record as 168. Schwarzkopf answered to Cheney in the first Gulf War, not vice versa.

Put RE’s brain on the edge of a razor blade and it would look like a BB rolling down a four lane highway.———If RE’s brain were gas, there wouldn’t be enough fuel to power an ant’s minibike halfway around a BB.

printmemoney—–I was using Cheney as bait for Quinn. Quinn didn’t take it, I haven’t seen him post for a couple of days. Probably because he’s in hiding because he knows that he and I are overdue for a knock-down dragout brawl, and that he will, as usual, lose big.

Death is a part of life, and life is eternal. Your Dad’s death will be a blessing. I loved my grandfather and he went out with Alzheimer’s. Peace to your family.

Cynical 30—Glad you stopped feeling up your little sister long enough to join the discussion here.  I notice you tended to agree with my brilliant thesis posted earlier this thread. Wise decision. Apparently you have found out the hard way that disagreeing with me tends to rapidly lead to humiliation and embarrassment. Pay close attention to all of my posts and you may learn enough  to salvage your pitiful existence. – Cynical30 Response to Smokey:

Smokey’s just pissed off that his wife can’t get the imprint of my cock off of her forehead.  It looks like someone slapped her upside the dome with a frozen portabello mushroom.  Smokey, what it comes to talking shit, I own you and all residual rights to you.  Bitch, I own you like chattel.  That means I also own your family, and any “blog-mulattos” that i may happen to grace your wife with after a night of Jack Daniels at the juke joint.  You, my friend are a thalidomide baby among midgets.  Go flipper off to the wading pool somewhere until your master commands forth your presence for another 50 lashings.

Cynical 30—–I have to extend a formal apology. My beautiful girlfriend and I just returned home from dining out.  When we got to my neighborhood I saw a familiar sight.  I remarked to my gorgeous, buxom girlfriend,  “Oh look, Honey, there’s Cynical 30′s mom once again pissing on a fire hydrant.” But then, to my shock and embarrassment, I realized your mom was not pissing on a fire hydrant, she was pissing on your daddy. My profound apologies, Cynical 30. I shall forthwith get my eyeglasses modified so as to avoid further misunderstandings regarding your bitch momma. – Cynical30 Response:

Smokey: I’ll take that as a compliment, you sheep fucking mongoloid.  The fact that when your eyes meet the screen and you read my digital poetry you get so pissed off that your face turns more purple than an Indian hookers pussy lips makes me smile all the way down to my soot-black soul.  May you die and eternally singe on your reserved throne in the shittiest outhouse in hell my friend.  See you on the next post.

History will shine on George W. Bush.  His administration will eventually be the model based on  which all future administrations will be constructed.  George W. Bush’s legacy will be that of a leader of unrivaled principle, vision, and courage.

LLPOH—-No sarcasm was intended. According to Webster’s Dictionary, charm is defined as “a trait that fascinates or delights”, and is also defined as “a physical grace or attraction”.  Of course, the essence of my being is not typically perceived as readily by guys as it is by gals. People that know me well typically refer to me as pussy magnet, because of my movie star good looks. And it is difficult for me to associate with large crowds of people because of the women. As soon as they see me or hear me speak, they all want it. Usually, the hottest babes think they might get lucky and get me into bed. When they find out how long the waiting list is, they then start to throw money at me, you know, bribe me into the sack. Sometimes, when I refuse some of the beautiful ones who are unaccustomed to being turned down, they threaten out of anger. I keep my own security detail with me at all times because I am so concerned that some of these rejected hotties may attempt to rape me out of uncontrollable lust.  One other minor disclosure is in order here: The only thing that exceeds my good looks is my brains.

Stuck—Funny you should ask.  As I read your query, I had my massive 11 1/2 ” python out and was wailing away. That was the BEST post you have ever put up, and is worthy of a Pulitzer Prize for journalistic integrity.

newsjunkie—-Imagine having to explain to a blind man the difference between the color blue and the color orange.  Then, imagine having to write for a deaf person an explanation of the difference between classical music and rap.  If you can imagine both those scenarios, then you may have an inkling of what it is like trying to explain to you and DP why it is not possible for 9/11 to have been an inside job.  I mean, JFC, the planes are on fucking video crashing into the buildings.

newsjunkie——I’m going to say something here that I’ve said before. It will most likely go over your head, but I’ll say it anyway.—-First, there had to be a motive. Second, to pull off a mass murder like that would take a cast of THOUSANDS of people. And if a SINGLE person who participated in the plot, or was invited to participate in the plot, said “Um, no thanks, I’d rather not be an accomplice to a mass murder of innocent Americans”, and instead went to the police, the jig would be up. All of the hundreds or thousands of people involved in planning the attack would be facing life in prison or the death penalty.—If a single person was caught rigging an explosive charge, the jig would be up.  newsjunkie, why is it so fucking hard for you to understand that to coordinate an undertaking like that would be impossible? Even if something like that were pulled off, but a participant in the operation years later says on his death bed, “Oh, by the way, we set the explosive charges at WTC”, then everybody goes to prison. There is no statute of limitations on murder. One person squeals, and they all go to death row. NOBODY is fucking stupid enough to risk their life in an operation that would be exposed if a single person, out of hundreds, were to get caught or talk. It simply wouldn’t happen. And stage the attack for what reason,what motive? Risk their lives to mass murder their fellow citizens because they don’t like them? Or because it seems like fun?  And like I told DP before, a national television reporter, Barbara Olsen, who was married to the Solicitor General of the U.S., Ted Olsen, was on the plane that was incinerated at the Pentagon. Do you think that was staged? She has never been heard from again, since five minutes before the plane crashed  into the Pentagon. Or do you think the Pentagon crash was for real, but the WTC buildings were brought down with explosives? You CAN’T have it both ways. They can’t stage HALF of 9/11 while the other half is real.  I mean, damn, my 11 year old niece can understand this, why can’t you? What some deluded people SAY they found (residue of explosives) at the sight doesn’t mean shit. newsjunkie—Again, a spectacular collaboration involving a MINIMUM of HUNDREDS of people, and if there is ONE dissent, one person that says no thanks, then the plot is exposed and they all go to prison for life or face the death penalty.

DP——A question for you.  Will you be hanging onto 9/11 for the rest of your life?  I mean, what about Bigfoot? Or Sasquatch? Or the Abominable Snowman? Or the crop circles? Or Loch Ness? Or the moon landing? Or the hundreds of completely verified Elvis sightings in the past 10 years ? Or Area 51? Or the Kennedy assassinations? Seems like you’d get more mileage if you use more issues than just 9/11. And you can blame the government for most of the conspiracies I’ve listed here, so as to give yourself some more psychological cover from the devastating pain of your cowardly act of deserting your country.

Carl—–What a coincidence.  I’m hung like a bull elephant myself.   In fact, I can make mine 11″ long.  By folding it in half.

All Baby Boomers eat shit.  ( Except me)

robertsgt40—–If you weren’t such a moosecock sucking piece of festering shit, you would know that the like/dislike have never worked properly since Day One here, including today. But sick dimwitted retarded douchebag mongoloids like you LOVE to jump to conclusions when there is NO fucking supporting evidence whatsoever. You have 9/11 down EXACTLY like you have peak oil down. You may well be the stupidest mother-fucker ever to post here, and that is fucking saying something, because we have had some deranged, psychotic fools babbling on this site.  Eat shit, asshole.

Excellent  LLPOH.  So fortunate that my legions of foes on this site don’t possess your wit. Welshman’s probably a decent person, it’s just that my starting shit on this blog is like my getting a heroin fix.

That’s it.  Five thumbs down.  You have done it now.  Crossed the fucking Rubican. Keep pissing me off.  I’ll light this board up with some anti tea-party shit that will have all of you losers crying for your mommies.

FUCK ALL THE COCKSUCKERS.  Not a fucking one is worth a shit.  Especially  Ron Paul.  BOTH Pauls eat shit, Ron and Rand.  Christine O’Donnell eats shit. Both Bush’s Bush eat shit. Cheney eats shit. Clinton eats shit, Bill and his dyke wife.  Joe Biden eats shit. Barney queer Frank eats shit. Arlen Specter eats shit. Harry Reid eats shit. Chris Dodd eats shit. Nancy Pelosi eats shit. Lindsey Graham eats shit. Ben Bernanke eats shit. Maxine Waters eats shit. Tim Geithner eats shit. Henry Paulson eats shit. Jim Demint eats shit. Alan Greenspan eats shit. Both Obamas eat shit. John McCain eats shit. Sarah Palin eats shit.—- ———–Now I have all of you Libertarian, and tea party faggots in a box, don’t I?  You fucking ACHE to SLAM the thumbs up button because you agree so strongly with most of this comment. OTOH, you fucking ACHE to SLAM the thumbs down button because I have openly dissed you gay heros, Ron and Rand.   What to do, what to do?  Life is a choice.

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104 Comments
Jackson
Jackson
August 31, 2012 11:29 pm

So sorry to read about Smokey, his ill health, and his prognosis.

I haven’t agreed with much that he’s written or Smokey’s manner of saying it, but as with some of my friends, with whom I’ve agreed to disagree, nothing said is taken personally. We’re mature enough to understand how each other thinks and to spout without our comments being taken to heart. That’s one of the pleasures of TBP too. Every comment and its responses are unique and all that was written before seems to be forgotten when the next comment is posted.

cahuitabeachbound
cahuitabeachbound
September 1, 2012 12:08 am

Oh God some of the zingers he would write. “Tongue punch my fart box” I’m laughing as I post this.

Punk in Drublic
Punk in Drublic
September 1, 2012 12:15 am

Sending good thoughts your way, Smokey.

IndenturedServant
IndenturedServant
September 1, 2012 12:16 am

My first encounter with Smokey was short and certainly did not live up its billing. It was also one of my first posts on TBP. It was my response to Smokey’s South Carolina which was an Onion article. He must have been having an off day as I expected more based on my previous lurking.

The entire thread is rather short and quick to read.

SMOKEY’S SOUTH CAROLINA

You’ll notice admin stirring the pot.

In it he mentions moving to FL in a few years to spend his final thirty years or so. I figure he must be about my age at 45. Sounds like his health issues may have been sudden. I’m not the slightest bit religious but I hope he makes a return to TBP.
I_S

Zarathustra
Zarathustra
September 1, 2012 1:36 am

Hunter S. Thompson is no doubt waiting to receive him.

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 1, 2012 1:44 am

Admin. – thank you for this post, and for your previous advice re my man Smokey. I kept it quiet, as it was up to you/him to release. He and I were tag teamers extraordinaire, And vanquished many afore. We were like the seagulls in Finding Nemo, screeching “Mine! Mine! Mine! whenever a dumb newbie showed up (all newbies are dumb by definition).

His one fault was claiming my kills – I would kill a newbie, and he would stake a claim on it. A lot of the kills on his plane were actually mine. But it was an endearing flaw – he is a competitive sucker, and that is most admirable.

IS – you lucky bastard. Count your blessings.

SSS
SSS
September 1, 2012 1:56 am

I doubt anyone could ever match Smokey’s outrageous comments. Anytime, anywhere, on any blog. I hope he pulls though his health problems and returns to TBP. If you want intelligent and profane in-your-face comments, Smokey was the real deal.

May you get back here soon, Smokey.

marissa
marissa
September 1, 2012 2:57 am

It is this kind of bottomless vitriol Admin, that has given your soul such sadness that you felt the need to leave your own website. Sarcasm is ok, dirty humor is funny, ethnic lampoons can be right on, yo mama jokes are a snicker.

But day after day after day of cesspool attacks, violent sexist venom, insults, vile human vindictives and widespread negativity are wearing. They take their toll on the spirit. They cease to be funny even when well written, and are just a drag on the joy in life one can never seem to find.

The Achilles heel of your website. It spun out of control.

Contemptuous negativity that finds pleasure only in sarcasm and bitterness comes to no good end. In spite of all our many human failings, in life there is much goodness and delight. Without the ability to recognize and enjoy these moments, the darkness overwhelms us.

Hunter S. Thompson put a gun to his head. For all his talent, the darkness took him over. Not an act one should aspire to follow.

stan
stan
September 1, 2012 5:19 am

Lord knows I have had my differences with Smokey. But today, in this comment, instead of me dwelling on all of Smokey’s bad points, I am only gonna list his good points.

uh….. well…….. Ok, never mind.

stan
stan
September 1, 2012 5:23 am

But seriously, Smokey taught me a couple of good lessons. One night I was drinking and got into a verbal brawl with Smokey. He called me everything but a white man. We went back and forth and I realized I was in way over my head. He destroyed me.

The next morning I went back and read what I had said and was aghast! I decided 2 things, well, really 3 things.
1. Don’t comment while intoxicated.
2. Don’t argue online. It is useless
3. Never under any circumstances EVER mess with Smokey!!

I hope God blesses Smokey and his family. And if and when he sleeps wid da fishes, may the son of a bitch rest in peace!!

flash
flash
September 1, 2012 8:03 am

Smokey @ Sprouty—You are obviously a nice person. Just a cautionary note about this site. There are some people who post here, who, unlike me, sometimes lose their composure. You need thick skin, and sometimes innocent bystanders here get caught in the crossfire.

No true words about on the climate here at TBP where ever spoken.
And, this is why I love TBP. No topic is sacrosanct and no feelings are spared.

It is the “we all must get along ” mantra that has sucked US into the happy ,shiny people vortex of blind obedience to the all knowing supremity of the bankster controlled oligarchy.

The go along to get along mentality of the mass of milksops that make up the US voting public must be shaken to the core by any means possible ..insults, ridicule mud in the face, crude language , a kick in the genitalia , whatever it takes, because the alternative is even worse.

And Smokey is an expert at getting the topic smoking , then fanning the flames into a bonfire and laying back to seeing who pops up to put out the forest fire.

I think everyone should endeavor to adopt Smokey’s style of forcing discourse by tossing a ticking bomb smack in the middle of polite genteel conversation about nothing.

Smokey is and always will be one of the good guys.He was never lukewarm.He either burned hot or not at all.

God loves a truth teller and I’m sure whatever plain Smokey exist on today, he is carrying the ember of truth.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

Novista
Novista
September 1, 2012 8:16 am

Stan

If Smokey sleeps with the fishes, he will probably tell Whoever bin Laden how he fucked up.

LOL, I remember him thinking because I live in Australia, that I was an Australian. Heh. But mainly, I recall times he dropped the style and expounded brilliantly on a topic, and thinking, Is this person bipolar, or a doppelganger?

Vaya con dios, Smoko.

sunshine guerilla
sunshine guerilla
September 1, 2012 9:00 am
Thinker
Thinker
September 1, 2012 9:40 am

Never had a problem with Smokey and have missed him. He (as you know, Jim) never thought 4T theory held any water, and we went around a few times about what it really was/meant. He gave what I considered the highest compliment — said he appreciated my ability to engage him without turning it into an argument. Very classy of him, esp. when we both knew he’d kick my ass any day, in any argument.

Wish him all the best and even though I’m not a praying person, I’m sending several his way now. Hope miracles do happen.

avalon
avalon
September 1, 2012 10:04 am

Smokey, I don’t know if you are reading this or not. I have been a fan of your wit and humor since SA. Thanks so much for supporting Jim since the beginning. I think of you, often, and pray for your healing and comfort, and wonder how you are doing…

Work-In-Progress
Work-In-Progress
September 1, 2012 10:15 am

SES

Newbie
Newbie
September 1, 2012 10:20 am

Smokey welcoming me to TBP

[img]http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRYXOsOlywPNQNkyvpbcMiFgFss9MaxVKLaeNJPYKkzShPK_Da5&t=1[/img]

ncognito1959
ncognito1959
September 1, 2012 10:32 am

I don’t think he meant even half of what he said here. He has admitted a few times that he “just wanted to stir up some shit”.

I hope he finds a way to come through his health problems.

Stucky
Stucky
September 1, 2012 10:42 am

Smokey and I had a love/hate relationship and some epic battles. It would be the height of egotism for me to assume that I ‘ran him off’ on at least one occasion — who the hell do I think I am?! — but it appeared to me that I did.

In one of our epic slugfests, Smokey’s attack became personal. That aspect was the only thing I truly ‘hated’. The regulars here know that I have a son diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic. He brought that fact up in a rather unflattering insensitive manner. I blew up. Many here blew up with me. Shorty thereafter, Smokey left TBP for quite some time.

Honestly, I have thought about that many times since it happened … not just now, as we discuss him. I think less about his reaction, and more about mine.The chief question I’ve wondered about is, “WHY did I expect universal sympathy for my plight?” Who do I think I am? Others have suffered far worse. Others have the right to feel however they want. Here is what I learned; if I don’t want personal attacks, then I should just shut the fuck up and stop revealing personal information. Simple as that.

So …. Smokey … if perchance you are reading this ….

I am truly sorry if I am the reason you left TBP. I am sorry for seeing the speck in your eye, while missing the plank in mine. Is is so true what Jim says about you regarding your mighty contributions to this blog. You have been missed. You are missed. I miss you. I hope you are able to make an appearance again. And I hope and pray (in my own way) for a speedy recovery.

Nonanonymous
Nonanonymous
September 1, 2012 10:45 am

Smokey, praying for you. God bless and God speed.

flash
flash
September 1, 2012 11:00 am

Stucky “WHY did I expect universal sympathy for my plight?”

Your estrogen levels were flushing extremely high at the time?

Hope@ZeroKelvin
Hope@ZeroKelvin
September 1, 2012 11:12 am

Aaaawh shit.

Love him or hate him, Smokey’ s scorched earth approach to the truth was always a breath of, admittedly brimstone scented, air.

Kinda like a thermonuclear blast of reality.

Admit it: Smokey said a LOT of things that most people are too PC pussywhipped to say or even think, Granted, his delivery was not for the latte sipping , NYT reading, metrosexual crowd but that is why I liked his style.

I hope his medical issues come out favorably, miracles do happen, prayer is a powerful thing.

Besides. Satan is worried that if Smokey ends up in hell, Smokey is coming with the mountain lion and the barbed wire. God isn’t in any rush for Smokey in Heaven neither as Smokey does a very credible imitation of God’s Wrath on the stupid and the evil and nobody likes competition.

Let us all channel our inner Smokeys during these difficult, maybe Smokeyless, times.

Stucky
Stucky
September 1, 2012 11:41 am

Smokey before God on the Day of Judgement.

God: “Why should I let you into heaven?”
Smokey: “STFU and get out of MY chair!”

Person with a Conscience
Person with a Conscience
September 1, 2012 12:10 pm

Marissa

Only a selfish loathing hateful shrew would take a shit on a post about a man dying with her hypocritical opinion about a blog she has continued to read and post on for the last two years. This is the warped mentality of someone who is so wrapped up in her hatreds and disappointment with her own pathetic life that she projects it upon others. Maybe a bible passage will make her see her for what she really is:

“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Mat 7:5

How E Didder
How E Didder
September 1, 2012 12:31 pm

Best wishes Smokey. Although you could be mean as a junkyard dog i appreciated your style as much as anyone around here. Always well articulated and thoughtful.
I feel that you are old and wise so i hope you have lived a long time.
The best to you…

kc
kc
September 1, 2012 12:42 pm

I have to admit I don’t read the comments often here and I am a newbie to the site (however read all Quinn’s posts that go to market oracle .org) and i come here for POW posts. however, when I read this

“You’d rather jack off a mountain lion in a phone booth with barbed wire than fuck with me.” – Smokey’

I was hooked and wondering what in hell I have missed over the years. I howled and my woman came into the room to ask what in hell i was reading.

cheers and god speed to smokey.

Colma Rising
Colma Rising
September 1, 2012 1:18 pm

[imgcomment image[/img]

Colma Rising
Colma Rising
September 1, 2012 1:27 pm

[imgcomment image[/img]

bluestem
bluestem
September 1, 2012 1:40 pm

Smokey, I laughed the loudest the day you got suckered in by an onion article, and you didn’t realize it was an onion article, so you let go as was your normal thing to do, hit the send button, apparently realized it was an onion article, thought to yourself “Oh Shit”, and then answered yourself before I could get a word in to point out it was an onion article , it was a classic day that I still chuckle about. May you be aware of God’s peace and abundance during your final days, we will miss you. John

Drowning in Parasitism
Drowning in Parasitism
September 1, 2012 1:47 pm

I personally could not abide the foul-mouthed cretin.

Nevertheless, I wish him well. [img]http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/barbarian.html#comp.asp?recid=1777617&xtra=[/img]

Kill Bill
Kill Bill
September 1, 2012 1:53 pm

I have a feeling Smokey is having a bit too much fun with the nurses.

Now stop faking sick and get your dent headed midget ass back into the battle.

Godspeed, brother.

Alpha Squad
Alpha Squad
September 1, 2012 2:01 pm

Didn’t get to know him, but by reading his posts I’d love to toss his salad every day of the week.

Godspeed.

a cruel accountant
a cruel accountant
September 1, 2012 3:01 pm

Smokey was a small minded wrinkled old man who liked being spanked buy little boys. His shriveled cock smaller than a red worm might have surpassed 1 inch in its prime. He was a pussyboy wimp who liked being tied up in barbed wire.

O fuck it I am no match for Smokes he was one of kind.

Wyoming Mike
Wyoming Mike
September 1, 2012 3:42 pm

Shit throwing gorilla. Amen.

Needless to say, I loved Smokey! My prayers and wishes are with him & his family! Godspeed my brother!!

Terry
Terry
September 1, 2012 3:55 pm

My prayers are with you, Smokey.

Once I learned that he was fair, I didn’t fear him – even if I disagreed with his position. I’m not a shit-throwing monkey by nature and Smokey sensed that immediately. He set a standard here that maintains …and is unique.

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 1, 2012 5:44 pm

I wish RE would pop in to reminisce about Smokey. Smokey loves him so, you know!

ssgconway
ssgconway
September 1, 2012 8:10 pm

Prayer said, Admin. Thanks for sharing the news.

AKAnon
AKAnon
September 1, 2012 9:07 pm

I had a feeling this was up when Admin asked llpoh to send him a private e-mail a little while back. Almost asked, but figured not my place to bring it up in public-turns out that was a good call.

Anyway, Smokey’s comments were one-of-a-kind, and while not my style, amusing (and witty) as hell. No one could turn a phrase the way he did. I saw eye-to-eye w/ Smokey on a lot of social/political/economic issue, and was diametrically opposed on others. He could be shockingly sensitive and introspective on occasion-I am thinking about a philosophy/religion thread w/ RE that stunned me out of my chair.

My favorite Smokey memory was in Admin’s Old Man & The Sea post. I had thanked Admin for writing the piece w/ clean language so I could send it to relatives (including my mother). Smokey apologized in advance to me, for using some “colorful” language while excoriating some douchebag. I thanked him for his concern, but told him I had cut & pasted the feature piece, and that of course comments were no holds barred, and he was welcome to rip the douchebag a new asshole. Which he did, of course.

Then there was Colma going batshit after Smokey’s first disappearance. Seems like CR has mostly gotten over it, but he was borderline psycho for a while.

Smokey, I’m not much of a prayin’ sort, but I’m sending out my most positive waves for your recovery. Hopefully you will be up & back at TBP, but if not, I miss you. AK

DelawareValleySally
DelawareValleySally
September 1, 2012 10:57 pm

Smokey was a very unhappy person as witnessed in the vitriole of his posts. I can only say that his bitter attitiude was possibly the result of a lifetime of hurt. Anyone who was victim of his written assaults should forgive accordingly. Feel sorry for him and pray. He sure needs it.

Colma Rising
Colma Rising
September 1, 2012 11:43 pm

AKanon: Psycho for a while?

Nah…. When he first cut I was pissed because there was literally nothing like his comments on the net…. Look at that up there!

Fucking Class AAA Professional Net Beating

I’ve said before that I’ve lurked a long time and stayed for the 4th Turning articles and jumped on board because of that comment section artisan work. I would be in class laughing and have to show the girls next to me at what and soon we were all in an uproar. I spent my first posts here absolutely. Tearing shit up with llpoh and Smokey on the “Cry Me A Fucking River, Bradley” thread…. for three days straight.

BTW I still aced that class.

So when he bolted and a cur parade came out celebrating, I let them have it, as best I could, and posted a eulogy.

Ideoligical circle-jerks desperately need a worthy villain.

Tea and Crumpet comment sections are for droolers and bird watchers.

I LOVE TBP. Why? A lot has to do with the tone that dude set. All the “boo hoo hoo I’m insulted pleeeease no profanity” bullshit is the definition of lame.

Audacity is a trait I hold in extremely high esteem.

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 2, 2012 12:27 am

Delaware ValleySally – you no jack- shit about Smokey. I never found him bitter – just didn’t tolerate fools. This is the fucking Internet. A 99 lb weakling can rule around here just on the power of his or her mind. But I am sure old Smokey would have valued your opinion and would have praised it in style.

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 2, 2012 12:29 am

I remover Smokey andi I riding Punk steady for a whole day. Poor Punk – but he sure did try hard that day. Some funny stuff.

Llpoh
Llpoh
September 2, 2012 12:29 am

“remember”

Colma Rising
Colma Rising
September 2, 2012 1:06 am

[imgcomment image[/img]

Boat Drinks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKx5pdKdPfY&feature=fvwrel

See you there, amigo.

Colma Rising
Colma Rising
September 2, 2012 1:15 am

Ideological…. JFHC

Anyway…. Thanks for enshrining the Legendary Smokey, Admin.

433 pages of comments? Holy shit that would be THE lexicon.

Put that shit on a thumb-drive.

Zarathustra
Zarathustra
September 2, 2012 2:29 am

I’ve been reading this blog since 2009 and Smokey never made much of an impression on me. I guess I read the posts more than the comments. I do wish him well though, assuming he wasn’t bullshitting admin with his emails.

llpoh
llpoh
September 2, 2012 4:16 am

Z – you realliy are an idiot. What the fuck is wrong with you?

stan
stan
September 2, 2012 7:01 am

Who the Fuck is Zarathurstra? and what the fuck is wrong with him or her?

Listen up fool, I will drag you out and whip your sorry ass. Fuck you and all your kin folks.
Next time you decide to post silly ass nonsense, take your keyboard, fold it twice and cram it up your candy ass!
You must be an idiot. Only an idiot could be that stupid. You are a dumb ass mo fo. and on top of that you are ugly and stupid.

Stan’s impersonation of Smokey. See, I can’t carry Smokey’s bags. I just can’t bring myself to be that way. I am such a nice and sweet person, who would never insult nor harm a fellow human bean.

Fuck You Z!!

stan
stan
September 2, 2012 7:08 am

This upcoming election is gonna be the most interesting we have ever had. I ain’t gonna vote, but I sure am gonna watch on election night to see what happens. The bitterness and hate and mud slinging has already started and will reach a fever pitch by November.
This is I believe our last ever presidential election. And after the election, probably sometime in 2013, the shit is gonna hit the fan hard. This will be the most interesting time of our lives folks.

I believe that Obama will win. He will of course win NY, California, Illinois. Florida and Ohio will be the key, he will barely win both of those.

All hell is set to break loose.

Stucky
Stucky
September 2, 2012 7:29 am

“I saw eye-to-eye w/ Smokey on a lot of social/political/economic issue, and was diametrically opposed on others.” —– AkAnon

+1 — I share the same feelings. A love/hate thingy … but at the end of the day, mostly love because the man was a MIGHTY contributor to this site.

.
stan

You correctly ream Zarathustra a new asshole. Regardless of he feels about Smokey … and he certainly has the right to his opinion … it it the apex of insensitivity to shit on someone who is gravely ill. Truly, a total lack of “class”.

However, I ask you to refrain from giving him further beatdowns. I used to have a crush on him. Really bad crush.