QUANTICO, VA — The nation’s top investigative force has pledged a full commitment of its resources to identify, isolate, and destroy whichever Christian beliefs were responsible for the brutal attack at a private Christian school this week.
“Our stated goal is to protect U.S. citizens from foreign and domestic terror threats, such as parents at school board meetings, pro-life demonstrators, and Christians who push innocent trans people toward violence by being mean-heads,” said FBI Director Christopher Wray at a mandatory meeting of the full staff of all branches. “I want a halt on all investigations until we figure out what Christians did to deserve being attacked!”
“The evil that sparked this event has yet to be eradicated, but we will hunt it down and end it.”
The shooter’s manifesto has yet to be released, but prominent media attention has focused on the shooter’s victims’ sinister Christian faith. FBI personnel are expected to spend the next several months reviewing the historic Christian doctrines that caused the tragic shooting, with plans to roll out more comprehensive tracking of Christians whose improper beliefs trigger attacks on themselves.
At publishing time, the Biden administration announced their plan to prevent further Christian school shootings by banning Christianity altogether.
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I can’t even laugh at this. It’s too true.
I thought the same.
I was actually relieved to see it was from The Bee. I’m not feelin’ up to overthrowin’ the government this morning.
Well, I guess they could start with DHS, MIC, Langley and their own to find who who made the footage of THEIR ACTIVE SHOOTER DRILL and then pawned it off as the real deal. Sherlock Holmes they ain’t.
So sad but true this country is fucking done stuck a fork in it.
AmeriKa doesn’t need to be saved, if needs to be defeated.
It needs to be cleansed.
Bee funny.
“Humor is the best medicine.”
“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humor in Heaven.” ― Mark Twain
I know a cute, semi-literate young woman who pronounces that word as “hummer” . . . as in, “Hummer is the best medicine.”
Get it?
Is this thing on (tap, tap)?
Have a good wick-end, y’all, in spite of the horror and disappointment.
“Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.” ~ Herman Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund
Everything but the kitchen succinct.
And a round of UVs, on me.
Maybe she’s actually been saying “hummer”. You may have been missing an opportunity.
Oh, I ain’t been missing it. She really thinks that hummer is the best medicine. Far be it from me to interrupt her healing laying on of gums. She has a wonderful vibrato, too, on The Flight Of The Bumblebee. Kind of a Sybian for men.
Opportunity is the mother of fellas’ tricks. Get it? Fellas’ tricks? (Fellatrix, stressed Captain Obvious)
Please don’t give them any ideas as they are stupid enough to believe it. As it is they already believe their own line of bullsh*t
That is far truer than you know.
In real FBI news, they have concluded that the Mandalay Bay shooter was angry at the casinos but otherwise had no motive to kill dozens of people. And he acted alone.
https://www.desertsun.com/story/news/2023/03/30/fbi-mandalay-bay-shooter-who-killed-60-angered-how-casinos-treated-him/11572044002/
Another ridiculous staged event. Smith Mundt modernization Act theater.
One has to be quite the imbecile to believe these ridiculous staged events anymore. The problem is most people are imbeciles and believe whatever their television says.
The school was emptied for a fire drill and then they send in the clowns to get their footage.
And a nation of slack-jawed, credulous imbeciles believe.
Again.
They still believe there’s covid and that planes hit trade towers and that the CONstitution was a good instead of the beginning of the end. A minority even still believe that JFK was shot by a lone gunman with a shit USMC shooting record through foliage in a moving target with a crap rifle with bad optics. Many still have never heard of WTC-7, never mind WTC-6. They still wear masks.
Penn Jillette, Mr. atheist logic science, believes his daughter is a man now, and he’s a bright guy. My brothers are bright, and they buy the coronahoax. They don’t believe the chemtrail/HAARP conspiracy. They think Bill Gates is a philanthropist, not a philanthropath, as Margaret Anna Alice coined him and others.
Davos keeps lying ’cause it keeps working. Humanity is suicidally blind.
After that the FBI will find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, if they have time those Christians are hard to find, they are like in churches!.
A precedent set. Deep Shekels comes for the meme makers.
Christian’s pray for peace and harmony, that triggers a leftist.
At what point does satire become reality…askin for a fren.