BUTNER, NC — In a tragic development, invitations to the Unabomber’s funeral were sent out via mail, but no one has yet been willing to open one.
“Seems like a bad idea,” said former neighbor Daniel Jones, as he laid the invitation aside. “One more bomb in the mail would just be so like Ted.”
Despite sending out over a hundred invitations, the Unabomber’s family has yet to receive a single RSVP. “I know he was a criminal, but I would have at least expected to hear from a few people saying they weren’t coming,” said nephew Samuel Kaczynski. “It’s been total radio silence though. It’s the weirdest thing.”
Old co-workers of the Unabomber, whose real name was Ted Kaczynski, were reportedly caught off guard after receiving posthumous certified mail from Mr. Kaczynski. “I’m, uh, not here right now,” said former co-worker John Mason, as the mailman asked him to sign for the letter. “I’m sure Ted got past that phase, but I wouldn’t literally bet my life on it. I’m sure the post office can just return it to the sender, or whatever they do with bombs – er, undelivered mail.”
At publishing time, the Kaczynski family sought to reassure people that the invitations being sent in the mail were home-made.
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RIP Ted
You were absolutely crazy but also absolutely right about many things.
I remember when he was arrested, the FBI breathlessly reported that, among other things in his cabin, they found a “PHIAL of SODIUM CHLORIDE!”
OMG! GASP! Phials are only used to contain poisons!
Chlorine is a deadly poison!
Sodium is also poisonous and very flammable!
What kind of monster would ever have…a salt shaker…?
and the rubes ate it up.
The BB certainly has a distinct style, I’ll give them that.
Given the body count you have to conclude that old Ted won hands down. They can only kill you once, folks. When you get to the point where you internalize that and recognize the point at which it comes into play, things will start to change…first for the worse, then for the better.
Neighbor: “Ted was a quiet man who religiously took out the trash.”
Agreed about the dying part.
Good enough.
Not that I necessarily disagree with the rest, but it seems the dying part is the most pertinent to our condition at present.
Blue Oyster Cult says it best:
Unlike taxes death does not get worse every year.
Snicker.
Make no mistake…Ted was a genius who could see the future. This quote is quite insightful.
The Post Office probably delivered them to the dead letter file.
Doesn’t this mean that Uncle Ted will now always vote Democrat?
not about ted but about another topic that always inflames you guys —
this is an article about the uss liberty & it has info that i have never heard b4 —
https://www.blacklistednews.com/article/84826/state-of-israel-and-lyndon-b-johnson-deliberately-murdered-34-american-sailors-in-1967-fabricated.html