President Joe Biden underwent his annual physical exam, and despite evidence to the contrary, he is apparently still alive. That’s not the only startling discovery that came out of the exam, however.
The Babylon Bee has obtained copies of the medical record and can now reveal the following surprise findings:
- He arrived with his stool sample already in his pants: The doctor appreciated the president’s initiative.
- The suspicious mole on his arm turned out to just be melted chocolate ice cream: This was discovered when he licked it off mid-exam.
- There was a crayon up his nose that’s been pressing on the frontal lobe of his brain this whole time: Well, that explains a lot!
- There’s a tapeworm living in Biden’s intestines that he nicknamed “Barack”: Sounds about right.
- His lungs are half-filled with hair from young girls: Stop sniffing so hard, Joe!
- He’s under the impression that his wife is a doctor: Poor guy.
- His carotid arteries are 98% blocked with chocolate chip ice cream: Two percent of blood reaching the brain – not bad.
- His cognitive ability is the best of any president in history: Wait a minute…
- There are currently three different types of dementia warring for supremacy in his brain: It’s anybody’s ball game!
All in all, much less concerning than anyone would have predicted. He’s still every bit as fit to lead as Jimmy Carter!
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Realistically he should skip assisted living and go straight to hospice.
Grave yard
Carter was NEVER this bad. The inflation problem was the result of Nixon’s break from the gold standard and Ford’s incompetence. The Iran situation was in the making since the CIA COUP in 1953…though giving the SHAH protection in the US was completely wrong given his murderous and oppressive regime ( funded of course by the US).
We do NOT negotiate for hostages unless you’re smooth like President Reagan who knew nothing of what Oliver North didn’t know either. Maybe sometimes ya should? The 1979 Iranian revolution was extremely justified by the feminization Iran pushed by the UN and USSA. Narrative control is what the herdsters love in a leader. I forgive those that trespass against us n sheet.
https://wtf1971.com/
I’m shocked I tell ya!
When we need some asshole’s view we’ll contact you. Classic lib game, blame other people even though you’re the president!!
That has as much validity as biden blaming the border on Trump!!
Go back to the bathhouse!!
nailed it.
Hey, blaming Trump stopped all the blame Bush was getting.
The “doctors” claim he is physically fit? It’s sad to say but he can’t even walk upstairs without falling unless he is faking or they are lying.
They didn’t even have to lie about the cognitive part because it wasn’t part of the test. He already was given that feeble diagnosis a couple weeks ago. He is a feeble old man. He proved it by confusing Egypt with Mexico, unless he was faking. That must make them sleep better. /sarc.
🤡 world.
But at least Dr. Jill rubs his back every night at 6:30 just before bedtime.
He is still alive is about all a real doctor could say.
Existing is not living. I’ve surprised myself being able to pity someone as evil as he is…but there it is…Sympathy for the Devil.
Correction on #7-all that goo inside the pervert’s body is pure, unadulterated BS.