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Tag: Joe Biden is senile
Biden and Dems Are Set to Abolish the Suburbs
Guest Post by Stanley Kurtz
President Trump had a great riff at his rally the other day in Phoenix. It was all about “abolish,” about how the Left wants to abolish the police, ICE, bail, even borders. Trump’s riff is effective because it is true. The Left has gone off the deep end, and they’re taking the Democrats with them.
Well, there’s another “abolish” the president can add to his list, and it just might be enough to tip the scales this November. Joe Biden and the Democrats want to abolish America’s suburbs. Biden and his party have embraced yet another dream of the radical Left: a federal takeover, transformation, and de facto urbanization of America’s suburbs. What’s more, Biden just might be able to pull off this “fundamental transformation.”
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Rumors Still Abound that Hillary Will Emerge in August
Guest Post by Martin Armstrong
Hillary Clinton and friends are still plotting to have her drafted at the Convention now scheduled for August 17-20. The rumors remain that Joe Biden is “seriously senile” or has dementia. It’s not really “sleepy Joe” as Trump politely calls him, they keep him off the road because they are scared to death what he will say next. He just said 120 million Americans died from COVID. He is losing it – plain and simple.
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Bait and Switch
Guest Post by Jim Kunstler
Anybody else notice Joe Biden styling himself as Abe Lincoln this week? Uh, bad career move, pal. Someone ought to notify the Democratic Party leader that a) Mr. Lincoln was a Republican, and b) that he was a racist (BLM certified). The presidential frontrunner is unlikely to win more “woke” hearts-and-minds with this latest stunt. Maybe if they put him in a wheelchair the voters would think he was the second coming of Franklin Roosevelt (though he actually looks more like post-stroke Woodrow Wilson, a racist to the bone, they say).
Protesters Pull Down Joe Biden After Mistaking Him For Old Racist Statue
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Enraged protesters were marching through D.C. toppling racist statues when they came upon one standing on a street corner. The archaic, racist statue looked very, very old. It even had some kind of obsolete soundbite-playing device in it, probably an early phonograph from how old the statue looked. It kept saying things about black people being clean and articulate and how poor kids are just as bright as white kids.
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Biden Has No Good Options
Guest Post by Kurt Schlichter
This riot crisis will pass, and then it’s nothing but bad choices ahead for Badfinger Biden, not that he realizes it. He’s too far gone and far too busy watching his stories on the tee-vee to negotiate the crucial strategic decisions he faces if he wants to win. Even if not he has not already disembarked the short bus in Seniletown, he’s at least wandering aimlessly through its suburbs. The calls he has to make – about reacting to the failing Antifa/Democrat insurrection, about picking a veep, and about how to handle the only guy who seemed to grow younger, healthier and sharper in the Oval Office – would not be easy one for someone on the ball, much less someone giggling as he chases a ball around his backyard.
QUARANTINE GAME! THE KIM JONG JOE PLAN
Guest Post by Ann Coulter
We’re all going crazy and running out of things to do during this endless shutdown. We’ve painted the dog, counted pavers in the backyard, and rearranged the spice rack alphabetically and also by color. What we really need right now is a new game!
Herewith I present the Quarantine Game that I, Ann Coulter, have invented.
The rules are simple. Imagine you’re the Democratic Party. You have a stellar opportunity to win the White House and also ensure that the opposition party never regains it as long as Homo sapiens walks the Earth.
SKETCHY JOE
To Save Time, The Babylon Bee Will Now Just Republish Everything Biden Says Verbatim
The Bible tells us to work smarter, not harder. Or, better yet, don’t work at all if you can help it. You can look it up. It’s in the Proverbs somewhere.
That’s why we’re announcing today that we will simply be republishing everything Joe Biden says word for word rather than spending a lot of time and effort writing satire.
We at The Babylon Bee realized we were spending all this time trying to satirize Joe Biden when, frankly, he just can’t be satirized. He’s doing all the hard work for us with statements like “You ain’t black!” and, of gun violence, that “150 million people have been killed since 2007.”
How Long Can Biden Stay in His Basement?
Guest Post by Pat Buchanan
The worry is that he is suffering from mental decline and could be destroyed by Trump in a presidential debate. Biden forgets, mumbles, misspeaks, loses his train of thought and appears, at times, confused.
Where Barack Obama achieved notoriety for “leading from behind,” Joe Biden, these last two months, has been leading from the basement.
And, one must add, doing so quite successfully.
Since his rout of Bernie Sanders on Super Tuesday, Biden has led President Donald Trump in every national poll and, lately, opened up a lead in Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and Florida. One poll has him tied with Trump in Texas.
‘Believe Women’ Slogan Updated To ‘Believe Creepy Old Men With Dementia’
U.S.—As Joe Biden seals the Democratic nomination, the Me Too movement has unveiled its new slogan, “Believe Creepy Old Men With Dementia.”
The “Believe Women” slogan that was so popular just a couple years ago is said to be obsolete now that Democrats need to support a handsy old man with dementia. So, the movement quietly updated its slogan, replacing it with the updated, more accurate “Believe Creepy Old Men With Dementia.”
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THE UNTHINKABLE
WELCOME BACK JOE
Submitted by RiNS
Trump Will Try To Delay Election – Biden Claims In Latest “Conspiracy Theory Ramblings”
Joe Biden is floating the mother of all campaign conspiracy theories, saying President Trump is planning to push back the presidential election using COVID-19 as an excuse in order to maintain power and ultimately win another four years in office.
“Mark my words I think he is gonna try to kick back the election somehow, come up with some rationale why it can’t be held,” the presumptive Democratic nominee said Thursday during an online fundraiser. “That’s the only way he thinks he can possibly win.”
“It’s un-American,” Biden said of Trump’s recent behavior and alleged future plans to manipulate the electorate. “We have to figure out how we are going to conduct a full and fair and safe election in November and no one should have to risk their lives to cast a ballot,” Biden added.
‘I’m Proud To Select Hillary Clinton As My Running Mate,’ Says Joe Biden While Covered In Laser Dots
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Joe Biden has finally announced his running mate: Hillary Clinton. He made the selection while several laser dots were carefully trained on his vital organs.
“I’m proud to select Hillary Clinton as my running mate,” he said, wiping sweat from his brow. “She’s a good gal, real swell. No malarkey from her. And in no way am I being coerced to make this statement, and my family certainly isn’t in any kind of trouble. Please do not hurt me.”
How the Obamas could easily win eight more years in the White House
Submitted by Subwo
As the president of the United States shelters in place with the White House press corps, and Joe Biden gibbers senselessly into the GoPro camera in his Delaware basement, this fall’s national election has been thrown into a cocked tricorn by the coronavirus. Many of Donald Trump’s retail-politicking strengths — the huge rallies, his command of crowds — have been neutralized, and while he still has control of the narrative from his bully pulpit in the West Wing, the national media remains dead set against him, and puts the worst possible spin on every word he speaks.
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